Christmas with his family or with mine?

Question

For the last 4 years we have spent Christmas with his family, this year I'd like to spend it with mine, or else go away together somewhere. He thinks his family will be upset/offended if we do not spend Christmas with them (they don't make a big deal out of it, just dinner and gifts and carols as background music) and he won't consider doing something different, am I wrong to ask again that we spend it with my family?

How do other couples work this out so everyone is happy?

Answer 1

My husband and I alternate every year so that we spend the period of time actually over Christmas with one family, then go to the other from around the 27th (we need to have this kin of timing as they're on opposite sides of the country, so we can't just do Christmas with one and Boxing Day with the other).

It's COMPLETELY unfair of him to ask you to spend yet another Christmas away from your family, and his family should understand that you now need to comprimise. If he's not prepared to do this, I would stand your ground and tell him that you'll be with your family for Christmas itself, and then come and join him with his family afterwards.

Answer 2

On Christmas Eve, we take the kids over to my husband's parents for gifts. His side of the family is rather large, so they have a picnic spread available and people come and go between 3pm and 10pm. This gives us a lot of flexibility to also visit my Mom and some of our other friends too that day.

Then on Christmas day, my Mom comes over to play with the kids while I make Christmas dinner. My husband's parents and my Mom all eat Christmas dinner at my house. If his brother and his family are in town, they come too.

There's a lot of running around involved, but it's all good and no one has ever been offended. The holidays are work but a lot of happy fun for me.

Answer 3

Most couples recognize the fact that one was without their family one year and that it is their turn the next year. It sounds like he has settled into this routine and now just relies on the fact that you go there every year. You need to put your foot down on this one, because if you wait a few more years to get your family into the rotation, he will be less and less likely to go willingly. You should sit him down and explain to him, that his feelings of wanting to go to his family's home instead, is what you have been living for 4 years. Only in your case you haven't gotten to be with yours at all. You need to tell him that the only fair way to do this is to alternate Christmases. Even if you 2 did his family last year, and do something just the 2 of you this year, that next year is for your family, then his etc...... You just need to remember to show him he wouldn't like it if he didnt see his family on Christmas for 4 years.
and If you rotate thanksgiving too, you can have Thanksgiving at one, then Christmas at the other, then the next year you switch the holidays, so you both get to see your family during the holidays.

Good luck! Be strong and dont give in! You and your family are just as important as his.

Answer 4

I am in the same situation as you and you deserve to have a christmas with your family. No ifs no buts. Relationships are about compromise and you seem to be the one doing the compromising. Tell him that this year it is with your family as the last 4 have been at his. Yes, they may be upset, but YOU are upset that you never get to spend this special time with your side.
If he doesn't agree tell him that you will go alone, but you would rather company.

Answer 5

My family makes it a whole day event and people just come as they want. They tend to spend half the day usually lunch with my family then go to their spouses for dinner. We used to do it that we had it Christmas Eve and then Christmas day everyone was free to go wherever. But if it's important to you and it sounds like it is - bring it up again.

Answer 6

You have spent the last 4 years with his family so it would be nice for you to spend it with your family. Your chap should stop being selfish and realise this.
On the other hand you could cure this problem by having both sets of parents to your home for Christmas day?

Answer 7

Split Christmas Eve and Christmas day. It is not fair to spend holiday with same family. You could rotate each year. You are not wrong.

Answer 8

Why can't you make arrangements to spend half the day with his family and half the day with your family? It's Christmas, and Christmas is a time to spend with ALL friends and family. Or maybe spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other. It's not fair that you only spend time with his family and not yours.
Before we moved in together, he would spend Christmas Eve with his family and I would spend Christmas Eve with my family. Then we would go back to my families house on Christmas day.
Now that me and my boyfriend live together, we are going to spend time with both of our families. We are going to go by his families house Christmas afternoon and then directly after, go to my families house.

Answer 9

We have the same discussion every year with no result. My mother-in-law is exteremely clingy and teary eyed if the subject of us doing anything without her over the christmas comes up. So after 8 years together I spend every other year at my parents' and every other year at his Mum's and he does nothing about the situation. I'm thinking about going away and taking the dogs with me every year from now on though and make him think twice.
Hope you manage to work it out better, though!

Answer 10

Maybe he's just confused on what he wants. It's obvious that he has an attraction for you, but maybe part of him in the back of his head hasn't totally let go of her. Like he's holding onto a slim hope that they'll be together, but the more you spend time with him, the more that will fade. He'll realize that they are over, and you're right in front of him. At least from personal experience that's what happened...