I lost my husband 2 years ago and know that I don't want a serious relationship with anyone. The only man I've been with says he's cool with me not wanting a serious relationship but I don't truly think he is. I know that makes me sound horrible but if you have desires shouldn't you be w/someone you trust instead of a perfect stranger?
2007-10-10 04:03:45 · 21 answers · asked by Kristin H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you're single and safe, what's the problem?
The only time any relationship is a problem is when someone is getting hurt. If no one gets hurt, go ahead and enjoy yourself. You were wise enough to put the cards on the table ahead of time and think long-term about what you wanted. Good for you!
2007-10-10 04:08:33 · answer #1 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kristen, FWB sounds like the perfect way of having desires met while not becoming involved. But in my opinion FWB usually end up with a lot of the same feelings as regular relationships ie: jealousy, ownership, etc. Eventually one or the other ends up feeling somewhat used and often their self esteem gets very low as they are so uncertain as to what they have gotten themselves involved in. Sad that you lost your partner and obvious that you are not through the grieving process yet. Perhaps you should ask yourself what your deceased husband would want you to do. I imagine that he would want you to be a happy lady and to find someone with whom to share your live with. Life is so short (as you are obviously aware of after losing your husband) and should not be wasted in meaningless relationships. Take some additional time for yourself and then go and find someone with whom you can trust and enjoy the company of. You will find that you are not at all being unfaithful to your husband and hopefully will realize that you are living your live as he would want you to. By being happy and living a normal sexual and meaningful life you will feel better about yourself also. Best of luck to you.
2007-10-10 04:19:10 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. You need some sense of safety and personal knowledge of someone to be a "buddy." In your situation I think you would be wise to have one, but make sure that the guy knows exactly what the stakes are. Don't lead him on and don't let him fall. If you feel like he will then don't. If you start and he starts to fall then quit. Trust me..you can always find another guy for those benefits.
2007-10-10 05:38:43 · answer #3 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The phrase "friends with benefits" means to me there is a friendship there and that two people just enjoy having sex with each other. I don't recommend having sex with a perfect stranger...get to know the person before you start any kind of sexual relationship with them regardless if there is a committed relationship there or not.
2007-10-10 04:28:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to my world. I am in the same boat as you, and for some reason there are very few people who understand and actually believe that we really don't have any desire to have another serious relationship. My current situation is two friends with benefits -- they both know about each other, I only get to see one maybe once or twice a month. I think as long as you are very honest and upfront about what it is you are looking for and everyone agrees to it, you are in the clear. There is no reason to deny yourself a healthy sex life just because you don't want to be "in love" again. Play safe and have fun.
2007-10-10 04:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think if it's a mutual arrangement then it's fine. Be careful not to cross the line and develop further though since this can cause resentments (maybe a bit what you are going through now). Agree on what it's going to be at the beginning. If there is a possibility of developing more further on ... be open and honest about that possibility.
2007-10-10 04:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mark W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you lost your husband, but if you settle for FWB, I think that you're shooting yourself in the foot as far as ever having anything more. Maybe your friend isn't the one, but this sounds like a halfway measure, and we all deserve more.
Finish grieving, then open your heart and let someone in.
2007-10-10 04:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by tacka.... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If this is a really important friendship to you, you're taking a big chance that someone might get hurt.
On the other hand, I married my "friend with benefits", 15 years ago and couldn't be happier.
Trust your gut. It's seldom wrong.
2007-10-10 04:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would agree with you on having a "friend" that you trust instead of a stranger. i think a friend with benefits is fine as long as everyone is being open and honest about what they expect.
2007-10-10 04:09:18 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
FWB work great when both people do accept that it is not going to lead to a serious love relationship. Now most guys are indeed perfectly fine with a just sex relationship.
2007-10-10 04:09:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋