I met my boyfriend over a year ago, he told me he was having a divorse, but lived with his ex wife, 2 chirldren and his mother. He said he couldn't aford to move out, he does not have much money. He also works for me as a maintenance man in my buisiness I gave him the job after I met him. I have asked him to show me a copy of his filed divorse papers but he said he cant, because his wife filed for divorse in another country, Portugal where they both come from. He said he is not sleeping with his wife. I have a gut feeling that he is lying to me and I feel very depressed about it. He never spends the night with me, although I want him to. I am 37 and he is 29. He does tell me he loves me all the time and is always nice to me. We have been on holiday for a week once. I am moving house and he wants to move in with me, but I don't know if I can trust him.
2007-10-10 03:38:23 · 29 answers · asked by J R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO DO NOT TRUST HIM !!! that is the lamest excuse ever , he isn't getting divorced and is still with the wife , find someone that truly loves you and will be just for you . Unless you like to share your man . Please don't let this sob hurt you !!
2007-10-10 03:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by DIVA C 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
NO! You cannot trust him, NOT at all. Your instinct is right-on. Do NOT let him move in with you and END this relationship NOW. It will hurt, but you will be better off in the long run. The fact that you have questions shows you the answer. Your intellect and your emotions are not in sync--intellectually you KNOW this guy is lying and not the sort of person you DESERVE. Come on, his mother, his wife and kids--regardless whether he's having sex with his wife or not (probably is), he's still IN that relationship, and just cheating on that relationship. But you've invested time in the relationship, you have some good sex, and you're afraid of being alone..... Dump him, drop him, FIRE him, and get on with your life. Find some one who is FREE. Don't take anyone who isn't totally free. He's just a cheat, but guys on the rebound can be difficult, too, so watch out for them. Also get STD tested as this guy has had multiple partners!
2007-10-10 03:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by chatsplas 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going through a divorce is not being divorced! HUGE difference. Get rid of this guy! What were you thinking? I'm not one of those people who thinks age is a big deal except when it comes to something like this. Girl, you are 37 and he is 29. You own a business and had to give him work. Obviously this boy is way to immature. He is not really getting a divorce, he is playing you. I'm pretty sure you have to file for a divorce in the country you live in, not 100% sure but pretty sure. Why don't you check into that? find out for yourself. He doesn't stay the night with you b/c he is MARRIED and had to go home to his WIFE and CHILDREN!!
2007-10-10 03:45:15 · answer #3 · answered by h&t_oct282007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same thing except i was the wife. its been 10 years ago but it seems like yesterday im now 31 and i look back at it now and it seems so weird but u do get passed it .my husband had told a girl we were separated when we were not in fact someone for got to tell me if u no what i mean.he told her that we lived together because he couldnt afford to live anywhere and that i would not let him see his kids which we have 2 kids. he told her we did not sleep together and that he slept on the couch but that was a lye. he told her he loved her but he told me he loved me and didnt want to be with her so i rode it out for about a year they still sneaked around even after she learned the truth she still wanted him so i said u can have him. i filed for a devorce then i showed him the papers her started to cry saying he was sorry we ended up back together later after she got out of the picture which he would tell her he wanted nothing to do with her but behind my back it was another storie so i would leave work early if i could and i would try to watch him without him knowing. the girl would run from me. so i got her back istarted sleeping with him why he was seeing her so she got to see what it felt like. so dont go through what i did it was very painful nothing hurt as much as that even though we are together now its still not like it was the love is not as strong so i know the guy u are seeing is lying to u the week u said he spent with u his wife was probley out of town. ask his wife or have someone else ask her.
2007-10-10 04:05:31 · answer #4 · answered by sissy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl! You are making the biggest mistake by letting this louse into your life! How could you! He cannot show you divorce papers..he WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH YOU!! He STILL LIVES WITH HIS EX AND HIS MOMMA!! The kids I can understand..but, he must be getting a salary..he can afford reasonable accomodation!! What a load of hog wash he is throwing at you and you can call him your boyfriend!! Wow..He never spends the night with you..tell him that you would like to meet his family..AND DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU! Filed for a divorce in another country..what utter rot..and you can find out if it is true by making enquiries..He knows he is playing you and you are falling for it..sweet talking you like that and saying he loves you is just leading you on!! Just imagine what he tells HIS WIFE!! Most probably the same thing! He has a family, a mother and a wife (and seriously, he IS NOT DIVORCED..TRUST ME!) you are 37!! Find someone mature and that has no strings attached..or someone who is single..do not spend on men..let them spend on you..If they have kids..then he should be able to introduce you to his children and you can tell the children that 'I am seeing your daddy'..then see what daddy does then!! Move on love..you do not need this parasite in your life!! Move on..be free!! HE IS JUST USING YOU!!..BUT DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU..this will be the worst thing you can ever do..let him find his own 'crib' and support himself for a change!! Good luck and I will pray for you as many women are in such awkward positions where our heart rules our head!! GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING..AND THAT IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!! Peace!
2007-10-10 03:56:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can get a copy of the divorce from his "ex-wife" or through the Portugese embassy, I believe. Unless he can prove it, I wouldn't let him move in. If he's lying about this, what else could he be telling you that's untrue? Funny he can never spend the night, isn't it? Hmmmm! You may jst want to contact the wife in a sly manner and find out on your own what the status is there.
2007-10-10 04:19:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tread carefully, regardless of where he filled for divorce, he should be entitled to (and should have for financial reasons) a copy of his divorce decree. How else could he remove the ex from bank accounts or credit cards etc... also it is good to have in case she racked up credit that would affect him. There is no reason whatsoever that he should not have a copy of his divorce decree.
As far as him living w/the ex and 2 kids, you need to really get a feel for what's going on- is she in another part of the house, are they sharing a bed??? How do they get along? Are they too close, maybe she thinks he will get back with her?? I am not trying to scare you, but there are plenty of SINGLE men out there with no baggage so to speak that can give you everything you need and desire, so unless you really feel this guy is the one, I'd start taking inventory of the different relationships (yours and his, his and his ex wives...). Please don't get hurt, there are a lot of men who will be nice to you and will love you.
2007-10-10 03:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by Tamara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be wise to get out of the mess you are in.
I personally do not believe your boyfriends story. He is lying to you and you are such a good person. He sees the goodness in your heart and uses you.
I think he is a liar and a cheat and its time for you to move on. Heck since he is a foreigner, his wife is probably in on the big hoax with him. In case you havent noticed, they are from another country. It takes a lot to pack up and move across the earth with someone and he and his wife are in this thing together. If he was not in love with his wife, he would have come alone.
Make yourself un available to him and move on with your life. Find a new maintenance man.
2007-10-10 03:45:09 · answer #8 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is definintely still with his wife. I went through the same situation with my now live in fiance, but of course at first it was me being clueless and everyone else around me noticing the small things. The fact that he would not spend the night with me and would only come see me on his days off work made me realize that although he was telling me he was in a farce of a marriage and they only lived together for financial reasons, she wasn't of the same opinion. Of course, after talking to her, I found out that he had been lying the whole time. Your case may not have as good a ending as mine did, but do question it and if he cannot provide you with proof that he is divorcing then tell him you have to let him go until he does. Either he will come through for you, or you will find out that he is a complete liar. In the case that you find out he is lying, it is probablly best to rid yourself of him.
2007-10-10 03:44:57 · answer #9 · answered by Scooter_The_Squirrels_Wifey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a gut feeling about something, it's usually right.
I was just in the same situation.
Except he didn't live with his wife, but told me he was gonna get a divorce but didn't have the money.
Well he's still with her, I'm guessing he was the whole time he was with me.
If you think he's not being honest about it, confront him.
And if you don't trust him just move on.
I know what it feels like to worry all that time and that's all you think about.
You'll be better off without him, and you'll find someone honest.
2007-10-10 03:45:46 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Honey Blood Coma♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER EVER EVER trust a man that is not completely divorced. Married is married until the divorce is filed and he shouldn't be getting involved in anything else right now, especially if he still lives there because that's not fair to you. I don't blame you for being sketchy, i would be too. just realize that he's still in that whole "family" environment and could easily get sucked into the whole family game while he is staying there.
2007-10-10 03:43:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋