I recently had an affair with another woman and my wife has seperated from me. We still ive in the same house because I am from out of state and have no family. We have been dealing with this over a month now. We attended marriage counseling but we both agreed it was stupid since we still communicate well. She wants to make the marriage work, and recently started talking about things we can do in the future. We haven't been intimate. I am still in the guest room. She is having trouble forgiving me as she should. I am just trying to do things that will show her how remorseful I am. What can I do to make things better and to show her I want to be committed to our vows, and that this will never happen again?
2007-10-10 03:31:59 · 22 answers · asked by Striker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's a shame that it had to take an affair and nearly losing your wife to realize that she was the best thing that ever happened to you.
I'm pleased for both of you that there's still hope and that you two want to sort things out and make your marriage a success despite this incident.
Well, respecting her wishes is a good start.
Not putting any pressure on her to have you in her space.
Try to always let her know where you are and if you intend to be late or not.
Don't hide anything from her: text messages, phone calls, letters, emails etc... Just show her everything or make them accessible to her.
Also, do the things you used to do when first dating her: Buy her flowers, chocolates... little nothings. But also show her that you do not expect ANYTHING in return.
You can try and invite her to the cinema and even when she initiates something, like a kiss or something, first tell her that as much as it makes you happy, you don't want to put any pressure on her, but just wants to make her happy and appreciate her presence.
Always leave before she has to ask you to, unless she asks you to stay.
Well, basically, if you're communicating that well, things will go well, if you keep talking to each other and are honest with each other. Saying what you are doing and what you are doing it.
Best of luck.x
2007-10-10 04:12:59 · answer #1 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Time. It is going to take time, and more time to heal the wound of a broken heart. You have lost her trust. You have to earn that back. Be patient. Be completely honest. The lil things go a long way too. Little gifts, sentimental cards, something that shows you are thinking about her.Even the things that do not cost money, surprise her with breakfast in bed, cook a nice supper, and I am not saying to do things just until she forgives, but make them a constant part of your life.
Never give her another reason to mistrust. Hopefully you have cut all ties with the person you had the affair with. Continue to communicate, cause that is the key.
Woo her. Daily. Do not rush her. Be patient, you are starting at ground zero.
2007-10-10 10:44:00 · answer #2 · answered by tammie h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray. Geez you made a mess didn't you? Well be sure you are completely open, if she needs to know where you are 24/7 then let her. Make sure she had access to your phone records, you activities, etc. because you are going to need to do lots of trust building. Make sure this other woman, is out of your life for good. Make an effort to spend quality time with your wife, plan little get aways even if you aren't intimate, drive to the country and go shopping, or take her to a day spa and get massages together, or go play tennis etc. Make sure you focus on couple activities, she will invite you back into the bedroom when she's ready, but she needs to see you as a couple again, so work on making that happen.
Be sincere, for Goodness sake if you aren't serious, save her the heartache and leave now.
2007-10-10 10:41:27 · answer #3 · answered by L H 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When you decided to cross the line you made her feel like she was unimportant & messed w/her self esteem and made her think twice about the man she married. Why your asking for forgiveness ask her what you need to do for her to let you back in. Let her know that what you did can not be forgotten but it can be forgiven and as much as you say you will never do it again, she doesn't believe you.....however, some people can change their silly ways and their irrational decesions. I suggest you grovel a while longer if you really want to make it work and one night just lay in the bed that you both share and let her know you miss sleeping next to her and can you just sleep there this one night and make sure you are sincere when you say this to her. I may have sounded harsh but i'm looking in from the outside and I respect that you have asked strangers for advice and hope you take it.
2007-10-10 10:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both agreed marriage counseling is stupid and that you communicate so well huh? If you do communicate so well...then why didn't you talk to your wife before getting involved with another woman??? She will forgive you when she is ready to forgive...and not another minute sooner.....You will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to help her regain the trust that YOU broke.
2007-10-10 10:39:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats not something you just forget over night! It is going to take a LONG time for her to trust you again and if you want your marriage to work, then you sir, will be showing remourse for this every single day for years to come and she will probably still think about it every single day for the rest of her life... your marriage is always going to be scarred. Hang in there and keep doing whatever your doing...
2007-10-10 10:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Mr Goal Scorer, you ought to change your handle. You must be completely accountable for every thing you do. You have defiled the marriage bed. Adultery is a sin with dire consequences. You have broken the trust and her heart. You need to give her all your info, pass words, phone records, bank records....etc. She needs to be able to keep track of exactly what you are doing and who you are doing it with. Go to the doctor and get proof that you don't have a deadly disease, before you touch her again.
2007-10-10 10:45:10 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will this ever happen again?You promised her once this wouldn't happen when you married her!You broke her trust and stomped on her love and you want forgiveness and to exspect her to trust your actions now.You could beg and plead but this pain takes along time to get over if she can get over it.The trust will never be the same,but what can you exspect.Your vows?You fckd up and your scared she won't forgive you.Hows does that feel.The person you said till death do us part.You slept around on.What should you do.ASK YOUR WIFE!!!!!!!!Don't look for sympothy here.Cry to mama.
2007-10-10 10:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband cheated on me many years ago and it took many years to heal. I am sure your wife is devastated right now and is trying to be hopeful. You need to be the hopeful one. You need to tell her how things can be different. Don't try to be intimate. Let her initiate it. Be prepared for a long recovery. Your wife will go through a lot of different emotions. Positive and accepting one minute and angry and bewildered the next. Be patient, you brought this on yourself!
2007-10-10 10:45:41 · answer #9 · answered by radishfarmer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are interested in making her think that you are remorseful, rather than actually feeling it.
Are you feeling bad because you cheated, or because you got caught?
You can lie to me, to her, to everyone but answer this question honestly to yourself. If the honest answer is the latter you need to do what is right for her and end the marriage before she takes you back into her heart and you cheat again.
2007-10-10 11:07:33 · answer #10 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋