found gay porn on the pc?

Question

hi im a mum of three boys,8/12/14,ive found a bit of gay porn on my pc that one of them has been looking at,ive no idea what to do,does it mean 1 of them is gay,should i mention it or should i just ignore it,i dont have a partner so it must be 1 of my boys.help please.

Answer 1

I would do nothing... at such a tender age your discovery of something that "secret" and "taboo" could send a kid into a horrible tailspin... just let it be... now you know somebody is probably gay or bi... but maybe not... I'd continue to monitor the computer to see if there's a consistent pattern... meanwhile I'd pepper your conversations with the kids with things that affirm that it's OK if you're gay.. and that you're their mother and it wouldn't matter to you one way or another... and catch them if anyone uses bad words towards gay people... those are the things that start the closeting process and self hate... words like "F@G" and "queer"... teach them that those words are mean... and not to be used... and instead of asking ( when the time comes ) if there's a special "girl" at school that they might like... be sure to keep your questions gender neutral... "is there anybody at school that you think is cute?"

that would have saved me 30 years of hiding if I had that kind of upbringing...

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

it really depends on what you found and how much - was it a little bit and maybe they just stumbled upon it by accident and looked at it a nit or it is a whole lot and you think they look at it often?

I think I would just watch things for a bit and see if it repeats. Then if it does I would address them from the oldest down and find out a little more.

I would be concerned about them viewing ANY porn at this age and the fact it is gay porn would just be a side issue.

At 12 and 14 boys are actually becoming men and they might just be curious - as we all were at one time.

PLEASE make sure you talk to your kids about Internet predators!!!! And I also suggest having the computer in an area of the home where you can glance at the computer while they are using it.....they don't need to be off in a room alone on the Internet.

Answer 4

alright MOM,

Now no jumping to conclusions. Most porn sites have cookies and then they start showing wackier unrelated stuff that pops up on the net. So lets say child A is looking at normal Porn. Then another cookie tracks that info and makes something like 2 guys and a girl porn. Another cookie tracks that and forces another pop up on the computer. So then that cookie can pop up another cookie where it is two guys and a girl. Ding another tracking cookie ding GAY PORN eventually.

By all means be concerned. But there are so many ways that that could have ended there do not be concerned. My hint to you is since you are on a PC. Delete the cookies and the history profiles. And start from scratch. This in under internet options in the tools section.

The porn will no longer be there. And one after another go on after them and track their history. See what is coming up!

Remember though this is a delicate age. A friend of mine now 36 told me once he had impure thoughts about another guy when he was 12 but it was only for a brief minute. Now he is happily married with kids. He is so straight and it was only for a minute of time. He said he had recieved emotional support from this friend and thought that for a minute he could love him another way.

If you want to confront them I would ask you to see if you have any gay guy friends that can talk to one if you think their is some serious questions to be asked.

But really do not worry about it monitor from here.

DO NOT put the computer out in the open it will only cause suspection on all but whatever room they are in no more closing the door.

Answer 5

Unless they download all kinds of porn vids or photos, I'd ignore it. They'll easily find a way to bypass any protection you may have in place to prohibit porn sites and simply learn to delete the cookies and history when they exit the program, as they probably already do on public computers. Besides, they're kids and they are curious. What possible harm can arise from it? And even if one or all three of them are gay, chances are you won't be knowing that for sure until they know themselves with any certainty. Except for the 14 year old, at those ages it is rather doubtful. He seems the most likely age when sex becomes more than a curiosity. But even so, he needs to explore and discover his sexuality, regardless of what it may be, on his own and without interference. Confronting him will only embarrass him and may backfire and alienate him further.

Answer 6

I actually dont put a whole lot of meaning behind the type of porn a person watches. Maybe he is bi, or bicurious. Lots of people who are have issues telling other people about it. It could also be a source of his "putting his nose up at gay men". Instead of being upset and viewing this as a negative thing, you should try hard to view this in a good light. You know he has curiosity in it atleast. Perhaps there are things you can do to show him that he can be open about this with you. There are many ways an opposite sex couple can explore these things in the bedroom without swinging. There are plenty of toys and videos or you could role play... the possibilities are endless. Part of being a married couple is the full acceptance and openness that can be possible with each other. Show him that he can be open and that you can be accepting, and this wont be a problem in your relationship. However, if you show him that he cant open up, if you contront him accusingly, all you are going to do is make it harder for him to open up about this and other things, and it will be a source of problems in your relationship.

Answer 7

It may just be a general interest in "how sex works" rather than a specific orientational curiosity.

I would confront them about it but you might want to be careful of what kind of messages you send when doing so. Saying "porn is bad" is something we as adults understand (more or less) but saying such a thing to young people can cause them to second-guess their own feelings, internalize the belief that sex altogether is bad, or perhaps make them feel you are judging them. Threatening and/or punishing them as well may not have the desired effect, either (kind of like pointing to the cookie jar and saying "Don't you even THINK about going in there, young man, because there's a secret in there that you shouldn't know about...")

Have a frank and open discussion, trying not to judge and letting them know that sex is not 'bad' but it has its time and place. By being objective and clinical about it (and not yelling and screaming) your boys will hopefully grow up realizing that sex, while fun, carries with it responsibility. If you appear not particularly wound up or upset about this, hopefully your kids can develop a healthy attitude of respect towards sex and alternative lifestyles. BUT... if you portray sex (or homosexuality) as bad, dirty, shameful and something to be kept a secret, you boys may grow up with some self-esteem issues.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned but flying off the handle and telling your kids they've been bad without really giving them a reason WHY will just serve to confuse them (or even worse, send them the message that there's SOMETHING to this "sex" thing that Mom isn't telling us so we'd better find out about it NOW!!!)

I'm not a parent so I've never had to engage in "the talk" with my kids. I'm sure it's not going to be a walk in the park. But, the more open, non-judgmental and frank you can be (notice I DIDN'T say "permissive," there IS a difference between "non-judgmental" and "permissive"), the more your kids will respect and take to heart your answers.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Do Not Confront!

Many parents inadvertently damage the emotional growth and well being of their children by getting involved in an already emotionally charged issue.

As someone said above it is possible that they stumbled upon the porn by accident. It is also possible it was their natural curiosity. Most likely it doesn't mean anything.

If you feel the need to intervene you should do so by deleting the offending material and by blocking traffic to those sites. If it does repeat then you should, in a nonjudgmental way let them know that porn is not allowed in the household and they are restricted from going to those type of sites.

Getting involved in a child's emotional/sexual growth can cause damage especially if you do not understand that development. If you believe that that emotional/sexual growth is being negatively influenced by an outside source, as you might believe porn does, then and only then should you intervene.

Answer 9

All depends how old he is. Could be just curiosity, or otherwise. I would not say anything for now. Even though coming ous easier these days, it's still difficult for many.

But you should ask yourself one question first, would you have a problem with one of your boys being gay? Take it from there. Either way, it is not something you can change. Support and talking sense is what the order of the day here.

Relax and don't stress too much about it. Better that you know something may be up, instead of being in the dark and having to guess at everything.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Speak to your 12 and 14 year old as i doubt its your 8 year old. Explain to both of them that they are hitting puberty now and different feelings and emotions are going to develop. You can use this as the sex talk or just dive straight into what i suggest to say next. Tell them that it is also a time that they will develop their sexuality and that you want them to know that no matter what happens you love them and are here if they wish to discuss things with you. make sure you emphasize that no matter what sexual preferences they develop you are ok with it.

It is very scary for a child to tell their parent they may be gay as the fear of loosing their parents love and trust is great. They are still your sons and if you struggle with the concept of having a gay child there are wonderful sites to support you on the net or a councilor will be able to help you deal with your emotions.

Most important just hug your kids and tell them you love them.