Would you respect this woman?

Question

What if you met a middle aged woman...about 33 years old and is just getting out of a marraige in which she willingly left her kids behind with her husband. Would you actually respect any woman who just gave her kids up so easily. What would you do if you met a woman who had 3 kids but the kids lived with the father instead of her because she was easily willing to give them up?.

Ok...33 is not middle saged sorry! This was my wife actually...she was having a cyber affair wiht a much younger guy.....16 yrs younger at that and ever since then......she treats the kids like crapo and got up and left yesterday

and she said she is just tired of family life

Answer 1

Actually I need more info on that...Y is she so willing? Is it to party, is it to make the dad more responsible, Is it to get on her feet?

I would do it if I needed to get on my feet to support them but now I WOULD definitely get them back as soon as I had a place for us to live and can support them. Their my kids and I would want the best for them and at that particular time if I could not provide it I would have to leave them behind it would kill me but it would all be for them.

EDIT: Well in that case shame on her and she doesn't deserve the kids. I'm glad she actually had kids w/ a man that will take responsibility for them...Good 4 u! Just remember when she comes crawling back u hold ur ground and tell her to get lost u deserve better then that...Good luck

Answer 2

If a mother can abandon her kids, she can and will abandon her mate. This has nothing to do with respect..unless you can't respect this woman.

I teach H.S in an inner city school. Some of my students get pregnant and these teenagers find a way to hang on to their kids. If the teenagers can do that, 'middle aged woman' sure can. (By the way, when did 33 year olds become middle aged?)

You will become abandoned at the first sign of trouble.

I'd think twice about having a relationship with this woman.



EDIT-(after your edit)

if your wife is 33, and having a cyber affair with someone 16 years younger... doesn't that make the dude 17 years old?? I dunno which state you live in, but most of them, 17 is considered a minor.
she's probably gonna blame her unhappiness to you and your family. there's nothing you can do to make her stay. more you try, harder she's gonna push away. besides, you may be better off cutting all ties, and end up with a gf/future wife that may be a better mom to your kids.

Answer 3

Although it is hard to imagine any woman giving up her children it is always best not to be quick to judge. Being that you do not know all the circumstances you have no way of knowing why she did indeed leave her children, could be for any reason. Maybe her husband is a controlling man and made threats to her if she took the children. A lot of men use the children as weapons against a spouse who wants to leave. Or, she realised financially the children are better left with the husband. Of course, some women that take off to live carefree lives just to party do this for selfish reasons just as men who leave wife and children have done. Society will tend to question more and judge a woman who does this more than they will if a man does. Mothers are supposed to be the more loving and nurturing person when it comes to her children. As to your question, I would not get involved with any one who just recently left a marriage and their children as this would be an uncertain venture that I would not be willing to take.

Answer 4

First of all, 33 is not middle aged, buddy.

I am not a judgmental person, but I have to say I wonder about women who willingly give their kids up like that. Sometimes there are reasons a mother will grant legal custody to the father and have the kids live with him, because let's say she gets a new job in a new town but doesn't want to uproot her teenaged kids from their school and social life. That's a legitimate reason, I think. But I have heard of women who just get up and leave one day because they want their freedom and don't want anything to do with their kids. I really can't understand the thought process of a woman who does that, and it makes me feel very sad for her children.

Answer 5

If she thought the kids were better off with their father, then I would respect her. She is doing what she feels is best, even though it hurts her, but if she is leaving them behind in a bad situation to save herself, then I have no respect. Just because they live with their father doesn't make her a bad mother. She will still be an important part in their lives.

In that case, I would lose respect for her, but say at least she didn't drag the kids away from their father and in to a strange environment. I know a few men that would be just fine if this happened to them, instead of trying to fight for the right to see their own kids. I think they would gladly take on the responsibility themselves, and let her be free to do whatever.

Answer 6

there are a lot of unknowns here and you have to actually know this person in order to decide whether she deserves respect or not. He may have threatened her and the kids if she tried to get them and she may say that she easily gave them up, when it is for what she thinks is a good reason that she left them there but is letting everyone think it was an easy decision to keep from feeling like a failure in doing so.
Perhaps she realizes that he is a better father than she is mother and they are better off with him. It may even be that he was emotionally abusive to her to the point that she lost her own feeling of self worth and felt that she had no right to the children. Even if she felt she wanted to party more in life because they were married at too young an age and he did not, that is a good reason to leave the children in a more stable environment with the father.
then there is the financial aspect of this whole thing., If he is making good money and she is barely getting by, she may feel they are better off since he has the money to be able to give them things she may never be able to, and she is cutting off her feelings because it would hurt too much otherwise.
It is not always a question of whether to respect or not respect someone in a case like this but also whether to feel sorry for them or not. she may have even had emotional problems that would lead her to fear that she might hurt the children if they stayed with her. One thing you would have to know in order to make a decision is whether she filed for the divorce or he did.
so, you would have to know this person in order to decide whether to respect her or not, whether to pity her or not, or even whether to offer this person friendship and support or to avoid them at all cost.

Answer 7

She may be making a very unselfish decision to leave the kids with their dad. You may not know all of the circumstances, therefore should not judge. I don't think I could every leave my kids, but, if I had some issues to work on and knew that Dad was (for the time being) the more stable parent, I would need to put my kids best interest before my own.

Answer 8

oh you calling 33 year olds middle aged I hope some have a real go at you for that, she may have realised the kids would have a better oppurtunity, do not pick a lady who has done this, mine did it to me left two with me, took one, the two I had are respectful kids the one she took has been in trouble all his life, respect her

Answer 9

I would, and would not respect her at the same time. She probably went through a hard time when she and her husband seperated. But, there is no way, I think she should ever leave her own children behind. UNLESS she knew she was unstable or somthing, and knew she would not be able to take care of them alone.

Answer 10

It would greatly depend on the circumstances. If it is in the best interest of the children and they are well provided for better than she can, then I would think she deserves a lot of respect. It would be hard for a mother to just walk away from her kids. It takes a bigger person to admit they can not provide for their children then a person who would just get on welfare.