Career or girlfriend,what do i do???

Question

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years.i was on the sick when i met her through depression.I wanted to change my life and start living again,so i started working for a voluntree group a few days a week.Soon it gave me the confidence to want to do other things,so i went back to college and started doing my gcse's again at the age of 27.I passed all these with flying colours and wanted more,so i took up a health and fitness course,i passed level 1-2 and now im doing my A levels...Im going also to be doing a coaching course soon,and thats where the problem starts.My girlfriend doesn't want me to become a coach as she says it will take me away from her,and are home.She says she wants someone who will come home to her at the end of the day and not be away doing stuff for days and nights at a time....Im really torn,i love my girlfriend very much,but also want a career as well.Ive had a really bad start in life and i feel like this is my chance to make it. please help.

Answer 1

Career!
Your girlfriend should NOT be making you choose between her and your Life. She should respect and tryst you to want to go off and do your own things and suceed in your life.
Good luck hun, sounds like you have had a bad start, but dont let that shadow hang over the rest of your life, you only live once, dont let people how to live it.

Answer 2

Oh dear. You sound like you're getting a lot out of what you're doing and have found a direction. When we're with someone they often represent a phase of our lives and when things begin to change *both* people find it hard to adapt. She is used to seeing you in a certain light. Or you are used to being a particular type of person - helpless? Depressed? Needy?. Does your girlfriend have a similar focus of her own? Could you involve her with your plans? Could you work together? It's a an old cliche but it does need to be faced head on. Ask yourself and each other difficult questions. Do you want a career and a girlfriend, for example? Is she afraid you will find your career more interesting and will leave her? Is she afraid you'll meet someone else? Do you think you will? Have you chosen to become a coach because it will take you away from her? Has she been helpful to you in the past? It sounds like she saw you through the hardest years.Try and get to the root of the problem and don't just accept her reply of, 'I want you to come home to me at the end of the day'. What's behind that? Also don't undervalue the importance of a successful relationship. You don't get a lot of glory or thanks but it's worth achieving too even through hard times. Don't be offended, just be honest. Most people manage to have a profession and a partner. Why shouldn't you?

Answer 3

That is a hard question. - If your a female and your husband is the only one working, you seem to look down on yourself for not contributing to the bills or whatever. But at the same time..... Wow - i really can't answer this question. The only way i could answer this question is if i was a single parent.... but thats not what you are asking----- I guess it all depends on your upbringing when you were a child, if a girls mother told her to marry a successful man so she didn't have to work... then i guess she would worry more about her marriage. But being a guy...... I'm not sure - If i had a job that was very good paying and a wife that tried everything to help out with financial situations, i guess i would appreciate her more for trying to act like she needed to help out. If i was a woman i would try to make it on my own - Just simply because i think it's a beautiful thing ( an independent woman ).. she knows what she wants/needs out of life... she has her thoughts/goals and dosen't depend on anybody for anything, therefore making her a stronger person. I don't even think i even answered your question... I know how I'm feeling i just can't write it down - Sorry Bye the way - Love your avatar picture...... Just the eyes can say so much about a person.

Answer 4

If she can't accept u for what u want to do than forget her. It's a give and take relationship. She should be happy that u want to persue a career and to get on ur feet and be stable so u can support urself and her if thats what u want. U have to do the right thing for u and what makes u happy. make sure u do what's the best for u and not someone else. If u don't go for it than U'll wonder someday down the line well what if I did persue my career that I wanted to do. Keep doin what ur doin. U'll be glad u went thru with it. I know u love her but if she loves u enough she'll let u do what u want to do for ur career. Think about it and weigh the pros and cons of everything from ur future career and ur relationship. U should be doin something that u love and not regret it. I hope this helped. Good luck

Answer 5

Career, it's quite selfish to know what you've overcome and try to hold you back. It's great that you've come out of your depression to start achieving and gain some much needed self worth. To curtail your learning now wouldn't be good for you and your girlfriend needs to understand that not everything is about her. All you can do is reassure her that you'll make time for the relationship, keep in touch when you're away and that the things you are doing now will only help the two of you in the long run. If she doesn't understand that then maybe she isn't right for you.

Answer 6

this is tricky. i dont see how being a coach is going to put that much preasure on your relationship. at the end of the day you have to follow your dream. what happens if 5 years down the line you split up and you look back and realise what could have been? then again you could do the job and lose your gf and wonder what if as well. why not give it a try...try doing both and maybe making a decision will be easier then then it will be now when you havent experienced the other half to it yet. if your gf really loved you she would want you to be happy and accomplish your dream..maybe she needs reasuring that things wont change between you two?

Answer 7

I know it is a difficult decision, and that it is easier saying it than doing it, but don't be silly, follow your dream and do the coaching course!! She should understand that the same way she is important for you, the course it is also important as your future will depend on it. Talk to her, be honest, and try to make her understand that as an independent person you need to do things on your own that will be good for you both. She is acting in a bit selfish way, just thinking about what she wants and not in what you want. Do the course, you never know what is going to happen in your personal life, if you don't do it you might regret it in a future. Best of luck!

Answer 8

Why not have both? I too have been in a relationship for 4 years and would do anything to be with this guy... if she really loves you and this is truly what you want to do she will stay by your side! It will get hard at times but you two can make it work if you want to. If it doesn't work out then it was not meant to be! I know that is not what you want to here but it's the truth! Good Luck :]

Answer 9

Really a partner should be there for you when you are having a difficult time. That is what relationships are all about. Its understanding he is hesitant becaus he may feel that if you through another patch then you may push him away again. Read here https://tr.im/JAss7

I am going through something similar, but she hasnt made any contact to come back to me, and I know even though I may want her, I would be hesitant because of the possibility of going through the same thing again.

I dont know how long you have been apart, but dont pester him to get back with you, although it would be good for you to let him know your feelings, and that you are sorry for pushing him aside.

If he is willing to chat, then great, if he is reluctant, just offer to be a friend maybe, but you have to know that it does not mean he will come back to you.

He will care about you, even after what iv gone through...feelings dont just dissapear no matter what he may say. Stick in there. only time will tell.

If you get another chance, then make the most of it and never let him go awain because if you do, he will never come back. I really hope it works out for you. Its a difficult thing to go through.

Answer 10

Look into being able to do what you enjoy on a day job. This way you can have both. Tough choice either way. I see her point and yours. Try to find a happy medium. If there isn't one maybe you should take the career. She may find later she can accept it. Ask her to give you 3 months on the job before making a decision. This gives both of you time to see how you feel.