Relationship/ "Girl Parts" Problem.. Serious answers only please?

Question

I don't know what to do. We aren't having sex, just oral/ digital sex. But he just doesn't like it. I keep myself clean and odor free, nicely shaven, how he says he likes it. But whenever we get sexual uses hardly any clitoral stimulation. I have tried to explain to him, but he says it is hard for him to do "the other stuff" not only that but he rarely if ever performs oral sex on me. However everytime we do get sexual, I always give him oral, and he doesn't properly take care of himself "down there" which can make it very unpleasant, but I still do it, because I know how much he enjoys it.
Anyways this is really getting to me and it is making me really insecure about my "girl parts".

Please don't even bother to respond to this if you are going to be a jerk, because this is a real question, and I know it really is an easy target.

Someone please help me.

I sincerely hope this isn't obscene, it is a real question.

Oh and digital means fingers, incase anyone didn't know.

Well we have talked about it, he just says that it is physically hard for him to please me..
We have both decided to save intercourse for marriage.
I am 19 and he is 27

I am not "fooling myself" into thinking I am a virgin, in fact we both know that we aren't. I don't think that I put anything about my intentions on the question, and I don't see how they affect the question at hand.

Answer 1

I wouldn't worry about it. I think that he doesn't like oral sex,and not everyone does like it. The fact that you do keep clean and take care of yourself and the way he reacts just tells me he is reluctantly doing it to please you. And doing it to him when you feel he is not keeping clean you are also doing that to please him.
Maybe you are both using sexual methods that you both don't like. Don't feel bad about your body, it is just one activity that you either love or you don't!!
Maybe you could try other methods of entertaining each other. And if you could tactfully encourage him to keep better hygiene would be a good idea.
I just read your note-you are older than I thought. Good on you both for waiting until you are married. If you are both really serious about each other you should have no problems discussing how you both feel about your sexual activities. Oral sex is great if you are into it,but to some it is not a pleasant experience.
PS// There is nothing wrong with your "girl parts",so be happy with your body as it is. I think a good way to clean him up a bit would be to get into a habit of both of you showering before your activities. It should add some fun too!! If he asks why a shower, you could say so you are both nice and clean. But experiment new things,and see what is fun for you both..

Answer 2

First he needs a one on one about genital hygiene. He is after all 27 and should know that his nuts sweat and it is offensive to a woman.
I am sorry for your insecurity and completely understand. Stop with the people pleasing though. You are doing things for this guy just because he enjoys it and you are being grossed out and offended by it. If he smells just tell him. And don't do it. This will dictate other things in your relationship and you are always going to be giving and giving and he is just going to let you. Thing is, you will be giving and not receiving in other areas of your relationship. He doesn't care if you are happy sexually and has given you a pretty lame excuse as to why he is not satisfying you. He has all the power at this point and you have given it to him. You are very young and you may have to learn the hard way and end up with your heart crushed. Quite frankly, this guy is taking advantage of you because you let him. You do things you don't want to do and you have allowed him to excuse your happiness. Honey, if you don't do something about this, this is going to be your entire life in a nutshell. You will never be satisfied and he will never care and when you ask questions and explain he will pull out his list of excuses and give you whatever one applies to the situation and you will just swallow it. So, do something different so you do not get caught up in this web of passiveness. You can start by telling him his genitals are offensive. Then you can tell him that you are not giving him any oral sex until he has taken care of you first. If he is so physically unable you can always straddle his face although an awkward position to concentrate on the task at hand. But what excuse would he have at that point. I just hate to see you end up 5 years down the line still unsatisfied and still doing things that you do not want to do in order to keep a man happy. You need to be happy to and if a guy isn't willing to compromise then he truly is not worthy of you.
Best Wishes!

Answer 3

It sounds like he's being unthoughtful and selfish about it and it might not get any better if you've tried to talk to him. He's not being understanding of what you want but maybe try talking to him again about why you do what you do even if it's not pleasant. And another thing, don't try to fool yourself into thinking you're virgins. You've gone this far. What makes you think that actual intercourse will be some higher and greater thing when you're already sexually active now? They call it oral sex and digital sex for a reason... it's sex. Some people save intercourse for marriage to avoid having children before then so at least people like that are honest about their intentions. I don't know your reasons. I'm just being honest.

Answer 4

Dude... this is gonna be alil harsh but she is SOOOOO not worth it. If your willing to pour your heart out to her and she STILL doesn't do anything, shes not worth it. What i did in a fvery similar situation was MAKE THEM JELOUS. Let her see you makeing out or haveing a great time at some new years parties and on valentinesday.... dont even call her. If you really want to make contact with her on valentines day... dont even let her know its you. send her a bunch of her favorite color flower or her favorite flower from anonymus. maybe put a line from her favorite love song on the card. You'll leave her questioning and when a girl questions one thing about her relationship it usually goes down the drain for the current bf. Her relationship is OBVIOUSLY illegal now if she was 18 with a 16 year old that is exceptable but 3 years difference doesn't do her any good. Teenagers cheat and they have fun doing it. Trust me they wont last very long. Find a rebound girl you really like and after a while she wont be a rebound girl, she'll be the one on your mind. Trust me that is what happened to me.

Answer 5

I feel really sorry for you, and it was really brave of you to post it online because you do get some horrible people on this site. First of all he is making you self conscious, and that isn't good. You have to be honest with him. I know it must be hard and embarrassing but it's all for the best. And may I just add that perhaps he doesn't want to have intercourse with you in case you accidentally get pregnant, maybe he is worried that will happen. That's all the advice I can give you. Good luck xxx

Answer 6

i would tell your boyfriend that if he can't do the things that please you then you won't do them for him.

it's selfish of him to not return the favor when you're making sure he's taken care of.

i wouldn't be self conscious about this-your bf is just being a jerk. either that or he is too young to understand (you didn't mention how old you guys are). i'm 28 and have a bf of 3 years who is 29.

i would sit down and have a talk about this with him-explain to him that sexual relation (like any part of a relationship) are a give and take situation. he needs to give to you just as much as you are to him. if he won't then you don't either. also nicely tell him that you would appreciate if he would keep himself cleaner if he wants you to continue pleasing him-you have to enjoy it too or it doesn't work.

if you're worried he'll get upset or break up with you over it-then he truly isn't worth staying with.

hope this helps!!

Answer 7

You are engaged to your 'boyfriend, I suppose. I think your relation may not click. After marriage you may be dissatisfied for ever. Better snap off the relationship 'coz he seems abnormal i sex act. Or, better consult a psychiatrist before marriage and only then you can arrive at such a serious decision. Remember you and only you have to decide about your marriage life, others can advise you without going into your mind & sensitivities.

Answer 8

This is a serious problem that happens between couples all the time. You should tell him directly what you want from him. If there is no response from him tell him that sit we have to end this relation.

Answer 9

He's only wanting to get his own needs satisfied and isn't interested in you getting yours. A lot of men are only concerned with getting themselves gratified. He sounds like one of them. If he doesn't care about satisfying you, then he may not really care that much about you. You may want to re-think your relationship with him.

Answer 10

ok you need to get him to take care of him self and yto understand what you need and how you feel.