What do you think of this?

Question

I am only 14. This is the song i wrote. My version of silent night. (the religious song). tell me what you think

Gates of Knell (Silent Night)

Silent Night, Slave to the Night
This is the song, We will recite
No longer Virgin, as She mothered the Earth
Roll back the stone, For the blazing Church
Christ, the Saviour, is born
Christ, the Saviour, is born

Silent night, Black is the night
I guess you said it, Just out of spite
Bathed in the flames, Right where you are
Knells can be heard for miles afar

Silent night, just another rite
Lanterns burn, to get me through the night
Holding my hand, you would show me the way
Hands on Her hips, and the Heavenly sway
Singing in Heavenly peace
Singing in Heavenly peace…

(Tortured by flames, I know where you are
Your Screams can be heard for miles afar)

Silent Night, Walpurgis Night
You were the one, That gave me flight
Bloods would stream, From Heavens afar
Heavenly ghosts sing Hallelujah
Jesus, Lord, The light of day.

Silent Knight, On my last night
Out of the forest, She would ease tonight
The Seraph watches, She curdles and writhes
Turned us around, took both of our lives
She left me out, left to decay…
Jesus, my Lord, The only way…


Rowdy Night, our Drinking Night
This is the song, Bartenders recite
Call me a sinner, but I lit up the Church
And I raped Virgin Mary, for all she was worth
Seething in Heavenly peace
Breathing in Heavenly peace


Violent Night, the Gates of Hell
On Brocken’s peak, My heart would melt
I closed the gates, as I am the thorn.
I gave you a rose, you gave me a horn.

Violent Nights, the Gates of Knell
Enslaved by the Night, Where my innocence fell
Roll back the stone, When I watch the storm
I gave you a rose, You gave me a thorn.



Please tell me what you think.
DO you like it?

Answer 1

Lets see........... Pointless, stupid rip-off of a Christmas Carol?? Yea, I think that about covers it.

Answer 2

You obviously have a talent for writing. I think as you grow your writing will improve and you will come up with some very good songs. The key is to make people feel something. The best works of art evoke strong feelings.
Your song is a strange mix of light and darkness, but I'm not sure how it makes me feel. It did not reach out and grab me.

Give it time and keep working on it. I'm sure you will be great.

( One word of advice. You would never get away with the line about raping virgin Mary. People just wouldn't understand.)

Answer 3

Dude, what did u do to the song? it's not the words you've changed, it's the whole theme of the song, Silent Night is about salvation... while your song is scary & gothic ++

I don't really get the message ur trying to express thou, u might want to make that more clear.

Answer 4

No. I am not a fan of the song every one knows either.

I find this in the realm of a dark fantasy - no substance. At least the one everyone knows has substance.

Answer 5

GOOD HEAVENS! I'm PAGAN and I was a little afraid of it! Of course if that's what you were going for then it was great! on a serious note though, the wording and verse were a little clunky, but with more thought and effort it could be...um...whatever you were going for.

Answer 6

you have a strong writing ability for your age (reminds me of me at your age) it does have a somewhat gothic sound to it. there is something crying out from the depths of your soul and given more light, i believe you could have great compassion for those who are calling out from the darkness.

Answer 7

that your a no talent juvenile with to much time on your hands grow up little one your lame attempt is a joke and ridiculous lame !!!!