there's this guy i like. we've been keepin in touch for about a year. we don't know eachother that well. just small, flirty talk. he seems like a great guy. hardworking, good-looking, great heart, romantic, family oriented. he just found out that his father has a brain tumor (i'm serious, no joking around). i feel so bad for him, but, what makes it worse, i can't help him. i wish i could. what are some words of encouragement i can offer?
i would really appreciate it.
2007-10-09 21:07:04 · 23 answers · asked by ohsohot 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thank you all for your quick response. trust me, it is much appreciated.
2007-10-09 21:22:45 · update #1
Hi, I can give you advice from my experience. My mom died of cancer in 2004, so I know how it feels to have a parent with cancer. The best thing you can do is just BE THERE. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do. It isn't important. All that is important is your presence. My mom use to buy all my friends gifts for their birthdays, christmas etc. But when she was sick, they came to the house like one time in the whole year she was sick. I guess they were uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. But what they didn't know is that I needed them there, for support and love and someone to talk to. I just wanted them to listen to me. Don't say things to him like "it will be ok," because it really won't be ok. I mean, if his dad doesn't make it, it won't be ok and will affect him for the rest of his life, so don't try telling him what you think he wants to hear. Just be there for him as much as you possibly can, without being a pest of course. Let him know you are there for him and he can talk with you openly and he will not be judged. Let him know you care and are interested. That's all you have to do. There isn't much else you can do. I hope I have helped you somewhat and good luck with this one, it is going to be a rough ride.
2007-10-09 23:10:21 · answer #1 · answered by meljoy444 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in April the size of a golf ball (I'm mid 30's). It's a VERY scary thing to find out for sure, but with today's medical technology there is a lot of hope. Is it malignant or benign? (cancerous or not?) I had a craniotomy (brain surgery) 3 weeks after the diagnosis and I am fine. They got all of it and surgery was amazingly easy. The brain itself feels no pain, so I came home from the hospital after 3 days, and on the 7th day I hiked 2 miles by myself!! I felt recovered by 2 weeks. Now it's been almost 6 months and I totally forget I even had one.
You asked for words of encouragement. The best thing I liked to hear was that people were praying for me. I've never been really religious, but so many people were praying for me (I asked some, some offered on their own), that I believe it really helped because recovery was such a breeze. Of course every case is different and it all depends on what type of tumor this is and where it's located in the brain, as well as it's size. Mine was 3.5 x 3.5 cm.
The positive outcome of all of this is it has made me really appreciate life. Every day is a gift and the small stupid stuff just doesn't really matter.
A website he (or you) can go to for more encouragement is www.meningiomamommas.com. I know it says "mommas" in it but it's for men too. It's an awesome site that helped me A LOT to get through the whole ordeal.
2007-10-09 21:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad story!
But there are no words you can't say I'm sorry or I can understand you or I can feel your pain because you are not feeling what he's feeling you can tell him I'll be there for you when you need me 24/7 and be the shoulder to cry on!
and with that you MIGHT kill your chance to get into something with him! BUT you also earn a lot of point with him! so you can also have something with him!
But as I'm telling you there are no words!
been there done that! (not like the brain tumor but I can actualy understand your feelings right now)
2007-10-09 21:16:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are "there for him" if he needs to talk. If he doesn't stay in touch, you stay in touch with him, some people kind of withdraw from people when they have serious problems, not because they don't want contact, they feel like know one wants to hear their problems. Try to keep his spirits up, send him jokes and funny things that happen throughout your day. Give him support, that means so very much to someones life. And above all talk about everything BUT tumors unless he brings it up, and always inquire about his dad, then move on to subjects that uplift his spirits.
2007-10-09 21:24:17 · answer #4 · answered by Linda S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from a guy that's been there got the shirt. A friendly ear is worth more and is more helpful then you could possibly understand!! Let him know that you are there whenever (and do mean whenever) he needs a friendly ear. Having that open door knowing somebody is willing to listen lifts a major weight off the shoulders.
2007-10-09 21:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Rich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i cant split the atom, so i`m not sure if i can answer this highly intelligent question.
First i need to know your really not joking about the brain tumor, god knows thats a comic classic.
Say your sorry and offer the guy some sex, what else can you do?
2007-10-09 21:16:45 · answer #6 · answered by fisherking 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just being there for him. also actually showing support for his dad. maybe offer to watch/look after him if your man needs a break. tha kin of thing.
honey there is never much we can do that will help (in the way of words) so do other things, hug him... take him to see a funny movie, sit with him.
just be there that is the best you can offer
2007-10-09 21:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by LBB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only intelligent minds can help you with this? Really? Because I find it painfully obvious what you should do: just speak from the heart. Relate to him as one human being to another. Nothing will be as genuine as you simply being yourself and speaking in the moment. Any texts you prepare will appear to be as contrived as they truly are.
2007-10-09 21:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by damlovash 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you happen to be a neurosurgeon or something, the best you can do is to let him know that you're always there if he needs anything, would like to talk, would like to get out for a night to relax over drinks, or whatever.
Be there for him. It's all you can do.
2007-10-09 21:11:01 · answer #9 · answered by Crypt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes in difficult situations i will say to the person that i want to say the right thing but really dont know what to say just that i care and will be there if ya need me i think by saying that it takes the edge off and can make both parties more comfortable
2007-10-09 22:57:35 · answer #10 · answered by larry f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋