my girlfriend died a month ago?

Question

it was a foggy night and she wrecked going home from seeing me and not many people know this besides my parents that i spend every night sleeping my truck beside her grave before it gets dark to sunrise and sometimes all day because im thinking if there is any chance in her looking down on me that she still knows that i care and my parents keep telling me that if she was looking down she would raither me go on with my life but im even more scared if i quit then she will think i quit caring what should i do?

Answer 1

as a fiction writer, don't quit your day job.

Answer 2

Hello Mayride! I am so terribly sorry for the tremendous loss you have suffered. One month is no time at all...in life, it is the blink of an eye. You are devastated by her death and perhaps feel some guilt at her having the accident while driving home from seeing you. What you are going through is quite normal right now and I understand why you've been sleeping next to her every night.

If you believe she can see you as you mourn and stay close to her, please know that she sees you wherever you may be. It is not your physical presence she desires but the presence of your heart, which is squarely with her now and will be for some time to come. She knows you have not stopped caring and she will always know that no matter where you are or what you may be doing. Going on with your life is something you will have to accomplish but take it in baby steps for now. She knows you're not leaving her because you don't care. She cares too much about you to ever think that. She wants you to be safe and sound and happy. While I know that happiness is far from your mind at this moment, trust me when I tell you that the sun will shine again in your life.

When you feel you can, try staying at home one night a week to sleep in your own bed. In the morning, get up and bring her some flowers and sit there for a while. Then get up and go to do something you need to tend to and come back when you need to. Do a little more every day so that you're not so sad all the time. The next week stay at home two nights and sleep in your own room. She is with you! She knows what you like to do and that you're just not able to do it right now. Let your thoughts go to her so she can help you come back out of yourself and into the light. Sit with her anytime you wish to...she's right there beside you. Take it day by day and week by week until you are strong enough to visit once or twice a week. Always remember that you take the memory of her and the memories you made together with you, wherever you go...she knows that because she has done the same thing and there is no other choice for either of you now. When you are ready...try to do what I've suggested and I think that in time, your heart will allow you to leave her to rest comfortably within your love. The very best of luck to you!

Answer 3

hey mayride it's gina from myspace :)
I thought you had a girlfriend currently? Well that doesn't matter, but you should really get on with your life. (Sorry for the bluntness of that sentence, but MAN! she WANTS you to get on with your life) When my brother died I went through things similar to that (the caring part at least). She could never think that you quit caring because I'm sure you probably think about her during the day, and she can see that you still and will always care about her. I know its hard to believe and understand but she'd much rather see you happy then sulking in your sadness. Also, try going there less..on special days like the day she passed, her birthday etc. Just because you aren't there in the cemetary doesn't mean she can't hear what you are saying to her.

To tell you the truth, I couldn't tell if this was a joke or not, but message me on myspace if you need anything; I'm always here.

Answer 4

first off, i am so sorry for your loss, but i truely believe she is looking down on you. it will obviosly take a long time to get over, but dont feel guilty to go on with your life, she would not want you to stop living. i recomend seeing a psychiatrist who can help you get through this hard time. i consider myself a spiritual person and truely believe that those who die know exactly how you feel. you need to try and resume living a normal life. i am not saying forget about her, i am just saying that you need to keep living your life. i believe everything happens for a reason. I believe ther is a God or some just say there is a higher being that has a plan for all of us. Why things happen, I don't know. Personally I am diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and am not able to work at this point in time, but I have to believe ther is a reason, a plan, there is a reason that we have to move on and keep living to the best of out ability. Why this happened to her and you, I dont know, and I am sure you ask why, as do I, but if we dont believe a higher being is in charge, than what do we believe in. My advice is pray. Pray to God for guidance and to look after your girlfriend. Pray to your girlfriend, it may sound strange, but have a "conversation" with her every day. She is not gone, she can still hear you. My grandmothr "talks" to my deceased grandfather every day. Personally I believe he hears her. I have been told that prayer is powerful. When I really can sit and reflect and concentrate, I know what those people mean. Try it, it can not hurt. But also seek help from your family and friends, seek guidance from a professional and maybe even go to a church and pray and ask for them to pray for her and with you. I cant imagine the pain you are in right now, but i hope you take my advice. God bless.

Answer 5

Aww. I am extremely sorry about your loss. I wish I could do something. But I know first-hand how hard it is to go through life after losing a loved one. My best advice to you would be to give it time, then move on. Do not sleep in the graveyard any more...it is very sweet of you but don't. If she is looking down on you, she would probably be more disappointed to see you by her grave instead of having a good time. She will always know you still care about her no matter what. It takes a lot of time to heal what you went through, and it may not seem like it right now but things WILL get better. I promise. It's ok to hurt and its ok to grieve. Time is going to ease your pain though. You will eventually have to move on and you will eventually get a new life, and when you do just keep her in your heart. She will always know you love and care about her no matter what, and when you do get a new girlfriend, which I know seems not likely right now and is going to take a loooong time, she is going to be looking down on you smiling because she knows you are going to finally be happy again.

And just so you know, It is ok to love again.

Just give it time and I am extremely sorry about your loss.

God Bless you.

Answer 6

My personal opinion is that, if she is looking down on you she knows that you care. But she wouldn't want you to be sad or depressed for the rest of your life. If it were the opposite way around, wouldn't you want her to continue her life be happy but still have you in your heart? Just take things slow, don't go into a relationship until you want to, and still visit her grave whenever you need to. Since it's been a month, that's not long ago and you can take as much time as you need, basically. Very sorry for your loss, do whatever feels right and will make you happy.

Answer 7

Wow man I am really sorry and death is a really hard thing to get by. your mourning I understand but spending the night at her grave is crazy.I you care for her and you well always have that place in your heart for her, but you don't need to sleep at her grave and if she cares for you as much as you care for her she would never want you to stop living. life is so short and you have to live it as best as you can and you see how quick it can be taken from you. I am really sorry for your lose. I am not saying let go but just remember her as she was and if you believe she s up there again live your life as best as you can and you may beside her one day. but don't do anything crazy your girl would never want you to take your life to be with her but live it to the fullest man

Answer 8

as long as you remember her in your heart she will always be looking down on her and she will always be a part of your life. She would not want you to stop living your life. She would want you to move forward but do so at the pace you are comfortable with. Even when the time comes and you move forward she will be happy that you have moved on instead of holding onto something that once was.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know that it's hard when you loose someone you love but, it's only been a month. The only thing that you can do is to go on living your life out of respect for her. But, ask yourself this question. If you could turn back time before the accident as if nothing had happend, how do you think she would respond to your question about loosing each other,what would you want her to do if it was you? To love someone is to honor them and what they would have wanted you to do, & most would want their loves to go on with their lives if anything happend to them. Morning is only natural but, eventually with time it will get easier.

Answer 10

My sincere condolences for your lost.

what your parents said was right.

although, things are easier said than done, well, it just takes time man.

Think of it this way,

I'm sure your gf appreciates your mourning and being as close to her as possible.

I suggest you give yourself another day or two or a week to continue mourning. Tell her that you won't be coming as often as you did.

I'm sure your gf would be happy if you keep staying that way and bum all around for the rest of your life.

she died for a reason and you will find that out in the future.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Sorry about your loss. It will take time to heal from your loss. This is your way of grieving. In time you will be able to move on but do it at your pace. She will always have a place in your heart but you have to go on with your life. She is in a better place. No matter if you stay at her grave or go on with your everyday life, as long as you keep her in your heart, she will know that you still care. You can't change the past but you need to go on with your life once you have grieved.