Hi. I am really desperate for help. My boyfriend started smoking crack about 3 or 4 years ago (this was before I knew him). He was also a very heavy drinker. He told me this on our first date and told me that he was quitting that lifestyle and wanted to get serious about his life (he used to be a musician). I was stupid enough to believe him and be so naive and continue our relationship (we've been together for 2 years now). On our first date I told him that honesty was the most important thing to me. I had no idea...(because I've never dated anyone with a drug or alcohol addiction)...that when someone is drunk or high, they lie. They deny they've been using. He tells me he's been clean from crack for almost a year (because he stayed in a recovery home for 4 months and he says he's been clean ever since he's moved out). But I have no idea if it's true (I dont trust him anymore...because I've been lied to many times)...I've run out of space to write...I'll continue below...
2007-10-09 16:18:57 · 12 answers · asked by Ladybug 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I know he gets drunk very often. It’s easier to tell when someone’s because of the way they talk. He's moving back to a Recovery home in 3 weeks again. This gives me hope. My family has no idea. My friends have some idea but its hard because they don't know how to deal with this either. I've tried to break up with him (at least 2 times). But it doesn't seem to happen. I always feel for him and it's in my nature to help him. I really really care about this person. I love the person he is when he's not drunk or high. I'm so stuck! I'm dealing with depression on my own (and have been for almost 10 years...I'm 25 now) I have suicidal thoughts. I've been to many doctor's and I dont see any improvement on myself. I'm going back to see my counsellor at school tomorrow. I feel like this has to do with me a bit...having low self esteem and low expectations. I need help and guidance. Thank you so much for reading through all this. I appreciate any help I can get.
2007-10-09 16:26:53 · update #1
Encourage your boyfriend to find a 12 step program. You need to end this relationship until he can get help. He needs to focus on recovery and you can't help him with that. If you stay with him you are enabling him. Not easy for you to hear, but true.
2007-10-09 16:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by squeet3 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
After he finishes his treatment center he needs to move to a place where he has no contact with the friends he smokes and drinks with. If he continues to hang out with the same people he will be right back to using again. It sounds a bit like he is using the treatment centers as a means of reducing his need for the drugs and alcohol so his habits are more affordable. Don't be an enabler-after he gets out let him know that if he uses alcohol or crack you will permanently end the relationship. You will both be better off in the long run if you do this and follow up with it. If there is no trust on your part it really isn't a relationship to maintain anyway. Without trust there can't be true love.
2007-10-09 16:34:14 · answer #2 · answered by Country girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you are unable to solve your own problems so instead, you are trying to solve your boyfriend's. The result is that he isn't improving and it's bringing you down even more. This won't change. You need to stop trying to fix him and concentrate on yourself.
If you really want to help your boyfriend, tell him that you can't trust him and that you can't be with someone that drinks, lies and smokes crack. Cut all ties. Don't hang out as friends. Don't chat on the phone.. just end it. I know it sounds hard, but it's the only way to help him. If he loves you, it will be a wake up call for him and he will fix his life.
As for you, once you're free of his problems, you can concentrate on yourself. Is there something you've always wanted to do that your boyfriend just wasn't into? Pursue your own interests, grow as a person and live your life the way you want to.
2007-10-09 16:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by kritten 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Natural Quit Smoking Magic
2016-05-17 06:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Liston to me, I am a raging addict, or ex junkie, and as long as he is or has the need to be in rehab it is because DRUGS are the most important thing to him and will always be, he needs to really hit bottom before he cn climb back up, and you around are NOT helping him, seriously, the best thing for you to do it move on when he goes to rehab and I know its hard but he has TRIGGERS that he cannot handle and things in his past and present life will make him fail, I know Ive been there!
I had to finally leave my WHOLE past and everythig of that life behind and start in a new part of the state with new friends in order for myself the FINALLY wake up and realize on my OWN that its not worth it, and it took years but I did it though I am still weak, I KNOW that if I ever go to those old places or people it can bring me back, so please for him and you move on and take the oppertunity to do that when he admits himself, he can deal with that, while he is there and it will be so much easier for him too do too, as he will be sober doing it, get it.
you cant make him do anything he doesnt want to do!
good luck!
also I must say its like he will be a new baby or person again and that is good, a fresh start.
2007-10-09 17:12:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first tell him to get an accountability partner who is dealing with the same issue, that way they can contact each other each day to see how each person is doing. and they can share with each other what their really struggling with. if he will not agree it is probably not a healthy relationship to be in and you don't want to hurt yourself so you should probably get out of it. it may seem hard to hear, but you can't be living his life you need to live in your own.
2007-10-09 16:28:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and want to be with him and he wants to get help. The sign him up in rehab for a year or so and see if that works if not you can always leave him and get the fresh start that you deserve. Good luck
2007-10-09 16:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Insist that he gets help and if he does that he stay in treatment if he wants to be with you. Boundaries are important in helping addicts and to protect yourself. Going back to the Recovery home is an important first step and you can make his being with you contingent on his being in treatment.
2007-10-09 16:33:30 · answer #8 · answered by john b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. A relationship can not survive where there is no trust. Secondly, and more important, you are subjecting yourself to a lifestyle that you will truly regret when you wake up.
2007-10-09 16:32:34 · answer #9 · answered by Need2no 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you should find out how long it normally takes to kick a crack habit...because who knows if 4 months is long enough?
2007-10-09 16:22:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋