How do I inform my boyfriend of over a year that I cant stand his mother?
I dont agree with her opinions or her views and I feel like I'm stuck and unable to move forward in this relationship knowing that I would really like to avoid having her as an in-law. If she was a really distant in-law I'd be ok, but I really dont think my boyfriend's future involves having his mother being distant.
I have tried to mention this to him, and he's expressed the same fusteration with her that I have, but is he just saying this for now and then he'll tuck tail and run back to mommy later?
How do I make this kind of relationship work?
2007-10-09 16:16:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have one sit down talk with him until you feel better, but just one. Let it all out without being too harsh so he doesn't get defensive, and then let it go. If you keep ragging on him about it, it will just make a big wall. And then, be cordial, but stay away from her for the most part. Don't do anything inflammatory in her direction and you can't be at fault. Many people end up hating their in laws, but often times make the situation a million times worse. You're with him, not his mother. Just be the better person, and most likely, she'll end up more tolerable than you'd think. And if she doesn't you'll have the upper hand. But you don't know what's going to happen in the end so you can just set up the best situation possible now. And most likely the poor boy really is just as frustrated as you. Just don't make it a war.
2007-10-09 16:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by Kaosmunki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mom had views you didnt agree with what would you do, just run far away from her? Im hoping not. Havent you heard of agreeing to disagree. You cant avoid it, but you have to be a bigger person and suck it up. Why? because you love him, and without her there would be no him. You can express your feelings about her comments but gently, like if you were disagreeing with your own mother. Learn how to get along to get along. Maybe she may learn somethings from you or change her reactions to certain things.
2007-10-09 23:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't unless/until he grows up and stands up to her.
You really are committing yourself to your spouse's family, and the red flag you are seeing now will come back to bite you time and again every time there is a conflict about where to spend holidays, how to raise your children(their grandchildren), etc.
You are right that distance might be at least a partial solution, but I'm sorry to say he sounds like a "momma's boy" that won't change.
If he is like my ex, at least part of him on some level enjoys pitting you two against each other, and it really shows a lack of respect for both of you.
Good luck if you think you are up for the challenge, but if I were you, I would hightail it and find someone whose family I could embrace as part of my own.
2007-10-09 23:25:09 · answer #3 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem - lebanese old woman. she is stuck in the 50's and thinks she has a body of a 21 year old and likes to put every one down in a sneaky way - a bit like a marie barone from everybody loves raymond but ten times worst. i have been with my boyfreind for 4 years and i have learned to ignore it. at first i told him about it and he was saying that im ungrateful and bla bla bla and then i teamed up with another gf of the family and we share the same views. i just stopped going where i would see her for 6 months so now when she sees me it is a lucky dip so she avoids having to make crappy remarks because she hasnt seen me in so long - let me know if you wanna swap stories!
2007-10-09 23:23:17 · answer #4 · answered by miss_rose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should not give him an ultimatum unless you intend to follow thru with it.
Also what makes you so right? Isn't this world made up of all different kinds of people with different opinions. Are you so vain that maybe you can't open your eyes to something different?
Actually I feel sorry for your boyfriend if you are this controlling now. I'm sure you won't like my opinion but isn't that what this site is for to get different answers?
2007-10-10 13:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he wants you, you'll mother him and he needs to put mommy in the back seat until she learns her place. That is, stay out of your relationship. And he has to make it that way by not discussing YOU with MOMMY.
However, don't be to weirded-out when he starts calling you "mommy" like Ronald Reagan did with Nancy. That still creeps me out!
2007-10-09 23:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by krollohare2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what i went thru in my last relationship . except it was the girl in ur boyfriends position . By the way , There is a solution , but it requires hard work and dedication which goes a "long way " sweet heart. Trust me .. it's better to ..........You will know soon..
It's not ur b-f's fault by the way, it's entirely his mom's . he's balancing her lack of love from her husband thru her son.
Consequences ?
He's going to be a man child for life
depressio, anxiety , panic attack everythin in near future .
here go here - covertincest.org
contact me if u need more info ..
yahoo im
dream2dayin3d
bye
2007-10-09 23:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Our daughter broke her engagement bec of his mother. I married my wife in spite of her mother. We chose to live in the same town (Chicago) as her but far enough away so she couldn't drop in. We would drop by her parents when we were running errands, or occasionally go for dinner. But we kept the visits short. If we moved away, then she would have come to visit for several weeks, and I would probably have ended up in prison for murder. LOL
2007-10-09 23:23:37 · answer #8 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, presume what you are doing is "love"? According to your post you are actively seeking a man to choose between you and his mother when he should be put in no such place to begin with. That is not love it's jealous and controlling on your part.
What will you have him perform for you next?
2007-10-12 07:58:48 · answer #9 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's inevitable...no woman really likes her mother-in-law, or at least none that I have met. I can't stand my future mother-in-law, considering the number of times she's told me that I dress inappropriately, or the time she told my boyfriend to convert me to her Church so I wouldn't be damned to Hell...but at least my boyfriend doesn't really want to keep close ties with his parents. I agree with the previous statement that says to allow yourself one venting spree on your boyfriend, then let it go. If she is ever blatantly mean or rude to you, then would be the time to talk to your boyfriend (for him to talk to her about the way she treats you) but otherwise, you just need to accept the inevitable.
2007-10-09 23:34:15 · answer #10 · answered by just an opinion 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋