should I forgive my boyfriend? Am I too trusting?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for about one year 1/2. A few months ago, he went to visit his family in another country. Shortly after he returned, he invited me over to his house one afternoon. When I got there he was asleep and not wanting to disturb, I went to check my email. His email was open, and even though I shouldn't have, I saw a picture of his private parts sent by email to a woman who he obviously met while visiting his family. I confronted him and he admitted it was wrong and he was sorry, but that nothing happened and it was innocent flirtation. This happened one month ago. I still do not think I trust him. I asked him to send an email to her telling her he was involved in a monogomous relationship and that he only thinks of her as a friend. He has refused to do this, saying I am being controlling and that she is truly a friend. I have argued.. ad nauseum.. that how could he said a "friend" a picture like that??? Your thoughts? I'm still struggling with forgiveness...

Answer 1

I don't blame you for being suspicious. Someone who is committed to their relationship would not be doing this. It is just by chance that you came upon this e-mail and saw the picture or you might never have known or suspected something like this. It doesn't sound like an innocent flirtation to me. Would you send a picture of your private parts to someone you flirted with innocently? I doubt it. He does not want to send her an e-mail because he thinks you are too controlling over this issue. I think that, instead of arguing about it, you might want to think about whether this relationship is all that you want it to be. Only you can make the choice. If you decide to stay with him, you are going to have to get past the picture incident and not mention it again. Suspicion and mistrust can destroy a relationship. Either you can forgive and get past it or you will end up thinking about it all the time and it will destroy what you have had. You need to be able to trust him if this relationship is going to get more serious. Don't tolerate behavior that is not acceptable to you and if he cannot promise you that it won't happen again, think about moving on.

Answer 2

He's lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are absolutely right and should trust your instincts. No one would send a picture of their bits to someone who was 'just a friend' - he's lying. It's also a bit disturbing... even if you do like someone why would you email a picture of your bits, maybe full body nudity would be more tasteful... And really, you need to realise that your motivation for checking his email in the first place was because you already suspected something was up.

The reason you haven't been able to fully trust him since he got back is because common sense is ringing those alarm bells. You need to dump him immediately, "once a cheater, always a cheater". And trust your gut instincts next time girl!

Answer 3

so far i have seen three answers depicting your boy friend as a pervert. Yes this was "perverted" thing to do, but harmless non the less. He assures you nothing has happened and after a relationship that has lasted a year and a half you should be able to trust him. Sending a picture of his genitals is very odd indeed but still harmless. Plus you invaded his privacy by reading his emails, so he should also have trust issues with you. I think you both need to sit down and discuss this issue, because as it is right now your both in the mistrust zone

Answer 4

OK so he said she was a friend lets leave it at that for now you will find out in due time if there is more to the story than he is telling you just have to be patient and if nothing else happen you have no other choice but to forgive but not forget cause you will never forget

Answer 5

Honestly, there are some situations where a relationship can "get past" a screw up like him sending the picture in the first place. However, I sincerely feel that no relationship can stand up to one of the partners denying being in the relationship at all! If he refuses TO YOUR FACE to tell her that he's in a relationship, he's not really in the relationship 100%. (Heck, if he even pretended to care, he'd say he was going to tell her and then not do it!)

Answer 6

follow your gut on this one. That is not something you do to a friend. The plus is that he is here with you and not in another country. But the real question is...do he send all his "friends" this type of email. If it does not sit well with you, call it for what it is and move on.

Answer 7

If he is unwilling to tell her that she is only a friend, the the simple fact is, he does not want her to only be a friend. He wants to be in the relationship with you, but still have this online fling. And that's unexcusable. I should know. I've done it. And it's stupid and wrong and frankly, you should tell him that if he doesn't drop this with her, you're leaving.

And then, if he doesn't you have to leave. You have to. Because if you say you will and you don't, he will never stop.

Like I said. I know.

Answer 8

thats just wrong

first of all, him and those pictures, he's kinda a perv

second of all, him refusing = him not giving up that "friendship" which sounds more like a cheater to me

if he really loved you, he would never do that nor refuse

there are so many better men out there, and your guy is not the greatest!

Answer 9

GROSS! you should not trust! He is probably having another affair with another woman(s).
Your "sneaking" is okay. Because at lest you know what is happening and you should slap him and dump because of that! YUCK
FRIEND? WHO WOULD WANT TO SEND HIS PRIVATE PARTS TO "A FRIEND"? Maybe a girlfriend! He shouldn't poison your innocent mind, though.
I say dump him.

Answer 10

something similar but not as vulgar happened to a friend of mine. he's likely to repeat this if you keep letting him off so easily. Maybe warn him you dont feel comfortable in this relationship and he should really take care of this before you leave him. he may wise up but if not hes definitely not for you.