should i keep my baby or put it up for adoption?

Question

I'm 19. It's my first child. I want to keep him because he is my first child. I don't see whats the point of me carrying a child around for 9 months and then give him away. My mother is in my ear..looking out for me. Her choice was to give him up for adoption. I love my unborn baby. But i don't think i'm be able to support him the way i want to. But i've seen and experience single parents raising their child and they came out fine. I don't know what to do. I know there are open adoption options. But that is saying that the adoptive parents have to send me pics of my child and i keep in contact with them til he's 18. i can keep contact with him if i keep him.

Answer 1

KEEP - PLEASE KEEP.

You CAN do this - and I know you want to.

No amount of money will make his life better - if you are not there.

Some reading I suggest -

First parent blogs -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0

Especially don't miss -
http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/
http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/
http://keepingbabieswithmommy.blogspot.com/

Also - if you need help keeping your child -
http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

You can do this.
I was adopted - and my adoptive father died when I was almost 1.
I was essentially raised by a single mother.
Yeah - it worked out fine - and I love my adoptive family dearly - but in a way - it was just all wrong.

My first mother went on to marry my father 6 months after my birth - they have had 3 more children.
I missed out on growing up in the family I was meant to.
My grandmother pressured my mother into relinquishing me.
Stand strong for your child.

Adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem.

Please keep!!

All my very best wishes to you and your bub.
Poss. xxx

Answer 2

The most important thing is who will help you. Giving up your son will haunt you for the rest of your life. Every birthday will be a very sad day for you. If your family refuses to help you then it will be extremely hard because you are so young.
No matter how much people say that adoption agencies are careful in how they choose who is fit to adopt children, they are very fallible. They look at how well the family can provide for the baby. But they often cannot see whether these adoptive parents are OK people.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your whole life.
If you can get help from family and friends, and you can get an education so that, in the future, you will be better able to provide for this little child, you should then follow your heart.
Who knows what your boy can become if he is surrounded by a loving family. Would your mother advise you to give him up if the family who adopted him were going to get divorced in 5 years? And then the adoptive mother remarried someone who was not interested in this adoptive child and coerced her into sending him away to a boarding school? And this new second adoptive father did this because the two boys he brought into the new marriage didn't like the adoptive mother's son? This may sound very convoluted but it happened to someone I know and he, the boy, now a man, has never really gotten over it. So, the decision is a terrible one that should not be taken lightly. Try to talk to your mother about what she would do it she were in your position and you were the baby. That should help clarify her position. Obviously, your mother loves you and doesn't want your life to be ruined because you have had a baby at such a young age. But it is important that she listen to you and that you listen to her.
And what about the father of this baby? Where is he in this?
I hope you will choose what is the best thing for you and I hope that you will be a happy person. You sound so sensitive and caring. If there is a God, I hope he/she hears you and helps you. Love to you from a stranger who cares about you.

Answer 3

I was 19 when I had my daughter. I kept her without a doubt. Ultimately, it is your decision, not your mother's. You are of legal age. I did, however, give my son up when I was 23 (in 2003). I was still a single mother and could not take on 2 children by myself. We are involved in an open adoption and it has been great. I have done both and struggled either way. I can see that you do want to keep the baby. Do some soul searching.

If everyone waited to be "ready" for kids, it would NEVER come.

God Bless and feel free to contact me if you want. I am a good listener.

Answer 4

I'm helping a friend right now who is struggling because he kept his baby. He didn't want her to abort. So he is raising the baby alone. He is a bit older than you and he is having a very tough time. He still wants to have a life with his friends. He still wants to go to school. He still wants a career. But all of that is on hold while he takes care of his baby. I try to tell him all that can come later, but he is young and wants it now. So after 10 months he is thinking he must give her up for adoption. So many hearts will be broken- but the reality is - it is probably the best decision for all.

Give your baby the best start you can. Let person/s who are ready in every way to love your child. You are already thinking you might not be able to. All the demands of a baby are twice what you imagine they will be - and it is 24/7 for almost as many years as you are old.

Adoption is love.

Answer 5

I dont know why everyone keeps saying your so young your 19 an adult I had my first child when i was 18 granted i was married but thats not the point. I dont know much about adoptions but i wasnt raised by my parents either. I know that a there is alot of things you can do to keep your baby. You can go to college and get a good job you can get government help for childcare and even get your college paid for if college is what you want to do. If not you can still get a good job and care for your baby. But know matter how many ppl answer your question telling you to give him up or keep him in the end its your choice and no one is gonna have to live with it but you and your baby. What ever choice you make i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

Keep your child, as nature intended

Shame on people who say keeping your own child is selfish!

They are the same kind of people who confuse the heck out of a child by saying stuff like 'Your mommy loved you so much, she gave you away to us' How can that ever make sense to a child? I mean, really?

Baby needs Mommy. Do some reading honey. The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and the Secret Life of the Unborn Child

A word of caution. Open adoptions are not enforceable and whilst there are some honorable people out there who will stick to the agreement, there are many many heartbreaking stories of mothers who have been cut off the moment the adoption is finalized

Answer 7

I'm 18 and gave my baby up for adoption, but I gave up my baby because I still have one more year of high school to go and I don't have an income and the baby's dad does not have a high paying job. Your situation is different, because you most likely have your diploma. I do have an open adoption and I have really liked it in my situation. I know she's safe, she'll know who I am, she'll know she's adopted from the beginning and I'll get to physically see her along with pictures and emails.

You may want to just check out adoption and explore adoption and you can change your mind, and decide it's not what you want to do. I thought I was going to keep my baby up untill the end, and then I decided for adoption. My suggestion is keep your mind open, explore your options, do some research and then decide. This is a huge decision to make. A huge responsibility. Yeah it's been a tough road for me, but I do know my little girl is safe and I will know who she is and she will know who I am.

I wish you the best of luck. I have grown up in a singel parent home and it's been tough. I just wanted to protect my litte girl. Not one thing is best for everyone. So explore both options. You can meet people looking to adopt and then decide not to. You can find out how much contact they would allow. So keep your mind open. Good luck and blessings to you!

Answer 8

It's very traumatic to give your child up for adoption, it can really screw you up. Women should be counseled on how to keep your child not counseled on how to give him up. Do not let others tell you what you should do. You might have to make some sacrifices, but it will be best in the long run. I gave up my daughter 35 years ago, I was never the same after that, I felt worthless and buried my secret. only a few people knew. So I carried that secret around for 29 years. Then I found her and found out even though she has a wonderful mom, things had happened in her life and she always had feelings of abandonment, even now after 6 years, she still has feeling of abandonment, I am trying to be her friend and even she doesn't know what she wants from me. I am willing to give her the moon. When she got pregnant (not married) her family said to give him up, but she knew how it felt and didn't do it. I'm so proud of her. I love my b daughter and her children and I've missed out on so much all because I was weak and no one knew how this would affect everyone.
I hope you will keep your baby, I wish i had.

Answer 9

Your old enough to keep your baby if you want too. A lot of young girls have kept and raised their babies with no problems.
Just because you will be single does not mean your child will grow up with problems. It how you raise them and if you love this baby you will do whatever it takes to keep and support him as best as you can. I don't advice adoption unless you are an unfit mother with health issues or mental problems...Kid as the grow will later resent being adopted or will look for you to ask you why???you gave them up they tend to grow feeling un-loved. If you decide to adopt you can choose the adopted parents. And you can request they keep in contact with you on how he is doing. But, if you ask me you might regret later if you give him up.....

Answer 10

If you can't say, "There's no way I want to keep this baby," then you should not put him up for adoption.

I, personally, don't think its fair to birth mother, baby, or adoptive parents to want to keep in touch and let your child have two sets of parents a time. Adoptive mothers aren't unpaid foster care until the child is 18.

To me, open adoption is what people do when they really shouldn't give up their babies in the first place. There is such a thing as girls/women who absolutely know they don't want the baby in their life. That's who should place the baby for adoption.

Many people can't raise their child in the way they wish they could. You just have to do your best and do what's right. Get some parenting classes or read up on child development and parenting. You're right - your mother's maternal instinct is to look out for you. You will have a maternal instinct to your baby.

If you want to keep in contact with him that pretty much means you're not willing to separate from him. Adoption isn't supposed to be about who can afford the child more. Its supposed to be about whether his mother wants and love him.

Answer 11

Please start putting plans in place to keep your baby. If you want your baby and love your baby now, those maternal feelings will be a millions times stronger when you first lay eyes on that precious little person. After you hold your baby, it will nearly kill you to let him/her go to someone else. Open adoption is still adoption - it breaks the mother-child bond.

Please tell your mother that you love your child and do not want this adoption. Your mother may be advising adoption because she thinks it is what you want and because she is concerned for your future. Be bluntly honest with your doubts.

I have many friends who are awesome single parents. One had her son at 16 years old. She finished high school and then went on to get her engineering degree and has risen to the top of her profession. I have another friend whose mother threw her out of the house because she wanted to keep her baby. Her older sister helped her. She completed her degree on line and is now an admissions counselor at her university. I have other friends who did not complete school but worked their way to fine jobs. Yes, they pinch pennies but they have glowing gorgeous children.

What is it that you want to provide your child that you feel is beyond your means in the future? Remember, you will not always be 19! Beyond the basic necessities, for the first years all they want is their mommie. Your youth is temporary. With some hard work, you can be on your feet and providing for your child as his needs become more expensive.

This is not your mother's decision. It is yours. If she will not support you, then find someone who will help. There are programs out there if you ask for help. Your child needs you - not a load of junk at the store.