I am not getting married until this coming spring, but a situation has come up that I would like to figure out ahead of time. The day after my fiance and I announced our wedding date, his cousin called to say he is getting married the next day and specifically asked that we be there. He also promised to come to ours (though I'm guessing his bride to be wasn't consulted about that!).
Family, including extended family, is incredibly important to my fiance and he (and now I too) make an effort to go to as many family events as possible.
But I'm thinking this is one request that won't be possible to fulfill w/o the two of us being miserable. I mean, the next day? I would be shocked if they are at our wedding (I definitely won't be going to any the day before ours) and think we'll be way too exhausted to go to theirs. I'm also of the opinion that his cousin was out of line to even ask.
So I'm asking: should we even consider this? Or is it fair to decline?
2007-10-09 10:38:38 · 16 answers · asked by iheartbayley 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
By the way, I was brought up in a family that only went to weddings of cousins if it was convenient to do so (I don't even know all of my cousins' spouses names!). Extended family just wasn't that important. So I don't know if, in close-knit families, you go this far out of the way to go to a cousin's wedding.
Some additional info: They were close growing up, but after 2 years together, I've never even met this cousin!
2007-10-09 10:45:48 · update #1
Also, we're having a pretty big wedding of 450 ppl that will last until at least midnight or 1am.
2007-10-09 10:50:21 · update #2
Because of the size of each of our weddings, we are both limited in our choice of locations and most are booked up by now. We can't change ours and keep it anywhere close to the same date and I assume they can't either.
I do feel bad for the guests, and would willingly offer anyone the chance to skip ours to make it easier, but I can't really postpone it four months
2007-10-09 11:50:18 · update #3
I don't think it was out of line for the groom to ask - most guys wouldn't think that one through (and as you said, he probably didn't ask his fiance...she might be writing a yahoo question herself right now! :-)
I think it would be fine if both of you were excused from each other's weddings, but there may be a lot of overlap on the guest list. It sounds like an honest coincidence, but can't someone's date be changed? It sounds like extended family is important to his family, if not to yours. Some of your families may be forced to choose, and at the very least it's a lot of wedding for one weekend. If it were me, and it were at all possible, I would volunteer to change the date, even if my date were set first.
I just read your update about the impossiblity of rescheduling either date. Again, totally fair to decline, as I highly doubt he'll make it to yours. Since he made it a point to ask you guys to be there, maybe he's wishing he'd stayed close with your fiance. Make plans for a double-date to celebrate!
2007-10-09 11:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by eli_star 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you would be fine to decline this one. You can use being on your honeymoon as an excuse. Even if you are not going away, you need a honeymoon of sorts....even if it is just locking yourselfs away in your home for a few days, with the phone off the hook.
People will understand.
I think some of the other family guests will be annoyed and envy you having an excuse to get out of it tho, 2 weddings in two days, two outfits, two presents.
It was bad planning on their behalf, at least you guys are lucky enough to be first!!!
2007-10-09 10:46:53 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely what the cousin and his fiancee will do is to make 'an appearance' at your wedding, after their rehearsal. Which means that's exactly what I would plan on doing for their wedding 'make an appearance'. No one is going to expect you to be there beginning to end, you could skip the ceremony, sleep in a bit and go for dinner and a dance or two and then slip out with the excuse of 'tiredness' which won't be an excuse necessarily. Yes you will be tired, but you won't be exhausted the next day. I think this would be a nice compromise to the situation.
2007-10-09 10:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by Cory C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, you are thinking about this way too hard. I have no idea why the cousin would specifically request your presence, knowing that you will have just had your OWN wedding. It is perfectly reasonable to decline. Nor would I expect them to come to yours. It really all will be too much! And to even consider moving your wedding date is a bit ridiculous..it's unfortunate, but the best decision for you is not to attend. Any sane person would accept your regrets and get on with it!
2007-10-09 12:10:32 · answer #4 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the cousin is out of line for asking -- if he and your fiance are close like brothers, I could see why it would be important for them to want to be there for one another. Are the wedding sites far apart? I'd try to go if it is humanly possible. Your wedding will be done, so you won't be as under the gun as the cousin and his fiancee will be attending yours. Assuming that your fiance and his cousin are really close, and that you will get to know him well in the coming years, I think it would be a kick to be able to look back -- years from now -- at the whirlwind wedding weekend that took place in the spring of '08 and how both couples went the extra mile to share the day of the other.
But if you need to decline, do it graciously, and no one will think ill of you. It's a highly stressful weekend for you, and everyone will understand.
Congrats on your wedding and good luck.
2007-10-09 10:51:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think it would be just fine of you to decline this one. The day after your own wedding is a bit soon. I could see you going if it was a week or so later but the day after? People have to understand you will be exhausted and need to give you time to re-adjust your life. I think their expectations are a little high. I know their heart is in the right place by wanting you guys to be there but you guys will be to exhausted to want to go anywhere.
2007-10-09 11:09:54 · answer #6 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how far away does he live??? if you in the same town it does not sound like a problem but i dont see how he can come to yours. if you are leaving on a honeymoon, of course you cant go to his, but, if it is just a matter of waking up the day after you wed, getting dressed, and driving just a bit to be entertained with relatives for the rest of the day at this wedding all together, then,,,,,,sure!!! why not. many families have family brunches the day after weddings and the bride and groom show up, haha, just consider it 'the day after party' for your own wedding! haha.
you wont be exhausted, you will be so excited from your day that you will be full of energy. you may just want to go to this wedding cause in a very real, funny way, it extends the fun of your own day!!!! i would!!!!
2007-10-09 10:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, listen up. You obviously don't want to go. You need to talk to your fiance about this situation. What it comes down to is will this be a defining factor to the start of your marriage. Will your fiance be upset that you (as a couple) didn't attend his cousin's wedding? The communication with your sig. other is the key, and the first step. Then you both go from there.
2007-10-09 11:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by Italian Lady Stallion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go, especially the day after my own wedding. And it would be polite of them to not have their wedding the day after yours. Do you live close to eachother? Could you ask them to postpone it a of couple weeks? Are you honeymooning right after your wedding? If they have a problem with you not going, and you're right, they probably won't go to yours, the day before their wedding?? Come on, hello....they have a rehearsal dinner, right? Yeah, so don't feel obligated to go to theirs. I would suggest to your fiance that he talk to his cousin and see if they could arrange a different date, I'm sure there's nothing set in stone for them yet. And to announce their wedding date right after you do? Geesh! I don't know what else to say. I think that would be rude. I just found out the other day my cousin got married, my invitation must've gotten lost in the mail. Don't feel obligated!
2007-10-09 10:50:45 · answer #9 · answered by laura_paura 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Males are a special breed to begin with, it doesn't matter how long it's been since they've spoken, that bond and expectation to support one another will always be there. If you are able to reposition your honeymoon plans, this will be the time to sacrifice the day and enjoy in their celebration. If they are a close knit family you don't want to be the distraction that interferes with those connection and that will be how it's seen if you all don't go. Get a hotel that night, sleep in, go to their wedding, have a great time and enjoy your honeymoon.
2007-10-09 12:23:01 · answer #10 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋