Was it wrong of me to be angry in this situation or justified?

Question

I liked my tennis instructor. I gushed about him to friends & couldn't wait for classes. He knew by the way I looked at him that I had a crush, so he gave me lots of attn & flirty. I thought he liked me too. 1 day, I saw that he actually liked another instructor. I was so pissed, I made our class sessions horrible & he eventually stopped teaching us. Was I being led on?

Answer 1

I flirt with every woman I work with but that doesn't mean anything and they know it. It's all in fun. I think you misread the situation.

Answer 2

How do you actually know that he knew that you had a crush on him? You say you "thought" he liked you, so we know that you never knew for certain he liked you.

What I am trying to get at here is perception. Your perception of your tennis instructor lead you to believe he knew you liked him and he might like you. In fact, you might have even believed that he liked you. I don't know that for sure. It is so easy to believe what we perceive to be true, but the reality is you never knew anything to be true.

And what's more, is your tennis instructor had his own perceptions of the situation. He very well might have just thought you were a nice girl and enjoyed your presence. I would be willing to bet he had absolutely no clue you liked him. I don't think he was leading you on one bit. His perceptions were very different from yours.

It isn't wrong for you to be angry...your feelings are your feelings and don't have to justify them to anyone. However, you were NOT justified in the least bit by making your class sessions horrible because of this. That was actually very selfish of you. But hopefully you not view this a disappointment but instead a learning experience. The real tragedy would be not learning a valuable lesson here, and repeating the same mistake in the future.

Our perceptions of situations can often lead us to see and believe things that aren't the truth. What's important to remember is that everyone sees things in a different light.

If you have any questions about my answer feel free to email me. You are still a beautiful girl and you find a great guy!!

Answer 3

Sweet heart, you were wrong in this case. Did you ever think that if you didn't act the way you did, he may have tried to holla at you once he stopped being your instructor? You weren't being led on at all. I had a teacher in high school who was fine as wine, and I flirted with him. He would smile and wave at me when he saw me, but he never approached me in a UNPROFESSIONAL manner. But guess what, after I had graduated high school, I saw him out, and that's when he tried to approach me. Of course, I shut him down, but my point is, you acted in a manner where you couldn't control your feelings. Guys really hate that, and it's a total turn off.

Answer 4

Well, first of all are you of the same range in terms of age? Or are you 16 and he is a 22 yr old?

I guess regardless you are just making too much of it. Guys will flirt with anything. Don't take it to mean something. Eventually they will go for what is available. Also, maybe he doesn't date students, at least while class is going on.

Answer 5

You weren't being led on, he was just reciprocating. You never said outright that you liked him, and he never said outright that he liked you, so you were actually in the wrong here to get pissed that he liked someone else. He didn't belong to you in any way, was not leading you on (he was just flirting and having fun, people do this all the time w/ people they aren't actually interested in because it is fun), so your getting upset and ruining the class was just immature and the incorrect way to respond.

Answer 6

NO..you wern´t justified at all. Im being serious now, not mean but..you need to grow up. He didnt have any ties to you so just because you two flirted a little didnt mean he couldnt see anyone else..thats absurd! You spoiled it for everyone else just because you didnt get your way and that is dispicable. I honestly hope you realise that your behaviour was unacceptable. You can learn from this.

Answer 7

I think you read more into the situation than was justified. So, you were not justified in acting childish in your sessions, and you probably owe your instructor an apology.

Answer 8

feelings are never wrong. feelings are never justified. you were disappointed.
because the relationship turned out to be different than you thought. you punished him by your behavior. he decided he would stop teaching rather than deal with your behavior.
is there another way you could handle your disappointment instead of making his life miserable? could you have said:
i feel disappointed, because i thought we were flirting with each other. i have a need for attention. i felt sad when i found out you like doris.

retaliation seldom makes anyone happy.
but that is what you chose.

Answer 9

You may have been projecting your feelings onto him. Because you cared for him you read into his actions, seeing what you wanted to see. Unless you actually confronted him about his feeling as and actions you can't be angry at him. You have no idea if he actually had an inkling of what was going on. After all, boys are stooo-pid. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

First how much older was he than you?? Men will be flirty with young girls because it makes them feel like they still got it.Men will flirt with just about anybody.They are pigs.Get use to it.I can understand why you got upset but you have to move on and find somebody else.

Answer 11

Sometimes you have to take things at face value. You may have read WAY too much into it. I think you over-reacted to a non-existent situation. If he never kissed you, asked you out, or took you out, you have no right. He was never yours. It is possible to flirt and not be interrested.