I really feel like my grandmother hates me, it is breaking my heart?

Question

She gets mad at me all of the time, and that thing is I have to live with her, i am moving in to a house soon but i have had to live here above her house for 2 years now. She has to have things done her way, and i am beginning to think it is because she likes making me mad and feeling like she has WAYYYYYYY more power than me, and she is always saying and blaming me for things i never did. she never blames my mom when she yells at her, only me. she accuses me of lying, when she doesnt my mother it is so hard. I had a sleepover at my house and she had to have EVERYTHING HER WAY, (we were making lots of cookies for a sale) and than after my friends left my grandmother asked for her keys (only the one to my new house) and i said i put them on the stove, she said they werent there and i said my mom must have moved them. my mom didnt know where they were (she is at work) so my grandmother starts screaming at me, and she stole my keys! she wouldnt give em back i wanted them in case i had to

Go to the house for something (they were my only keys) and she WOULD NOT GIVE THEM TO ME she said I grabbed for them when I didn’t, and she screamed at me. She said things like, DON’T TOUCH ME, IF YOU TOUCH ME I SWEAR. And she said it would be a cold day in hell when she forgets that I grabbed at her to get my keys (which I didn’t) and then she found her keys next to the stove, (where they must have fallen FROM the stove, where I put them.) and then, she drove away without saying anything! This whole thing is breaking my heart, how do I deal with her, I try to keep my cool, but sometimes I explode, help me!

i love her soooo much and half of the time she is really nice, but sometimes...as you can tell...not

Answer 1

After you move Id never see her again. My god what a psycho. My sympathies to you.

Answer 2

Sometimes people say and do hurtful things, when they really don't mean to. Your grandmother actually loves you, and she thinks she's doing the right thing. She may have high blood pressure, or something like that. She may also have altheimer's disease. This may cause her to scream and get super mad at times and be forgetful. I can feel your pain and I know your heart is breaking, but you only have a little longer to deal with your grandmother. Try to stay out of her way until you move. If she stole your keys, don't worry. You'll get them back. You only have a little further to go; so just hold on a little longer. Love, always!

Answer 3

OK, I'm a little confused about something. I got the part about you living at your grandmothers house, & while you are there she wants to control everything you do. I also got the part that you are moving out into a place of your own (GOOD FOR YOU!). That is probably the best way you can change this situation.
But you made it sound like your grandmother feels that she has a right to hold the keys to your new place.
What is it about the deal you have for this new place that lets her feel she has the right to those keys?
Is she paying for the new place?

Look, as long as you move out, & live INDEPENDENTLY of her, or your parents, then nobody but you should feel they have a right to YOUR KEYS, but YOU!

If someone took the keys to my house & wouldn't give them back, I would get the locks changed, & not give them access to the new keys. Plus I would send the bill for changing the locks to the person who took the keys in the 1st place.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry you have to live with that. I know it's hard when someone who's supposed to be loving, just isn't.

I suggest reading the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud,& Dr. John Townsend

In the mean time, while you are living there, the next time you have her keys in your possetion you may want to take your key back. When she comes to get them back just explain that you love her very much, but when she yells at you every time she sees you it hurts your relationship. Until she can talk to you with respect she is not welcome in your home.

And stick to it.

If she calls you on the phone to yell, say very calmly "Grandma, I love you. Please call back when you've calmed down." and hang up.

Do not get emotional, because that feeds into her power trip. If she can make you cry, yell, or anything, she will feel like she has the upper hand.

When you do move, don't give her or your mom a key. Unfortunatly she will probably get your mom to let her in if she can.

You may never be able to influence her behavior, but you do have a choice to put up with it or not.

Answer 5

There could be a chance that your grandmother has dementia or Alzheimer's. With both of those diseases they get really mean, they accuse people of doing things they didn't, they will even get physical. I don't know if she has been check for these 2 things, but it is common in older people.
I wish I could make things better for you, but maybe knowing this you will know that it isn't you, that it is not really your grandmother's fault either, but it is her mind that is going & she has no real control over that. There is medication that seems to help slow the progress of the diseases down but it doesn't cure them.
Talk to your mom maybe you 2 can talk her into getting a physical, & then you both should talk to the doctor alone & tell them what you have been experiencing with her mood swings & forgetfulness. And let the doctor take it form there.
I hope this helps....

Answer 6

sounds like your g-ma needs to see a doctor! I'm not a nurse but older people can get very depressed and angry. It's hard for them because they cannot do the things they use to do. Maybe a little dementia??? you should have your mom speak with her doc. I work with the elderly ~ sounds like something might be mentally wrong!!!or physically. remember until she sees a doctor be patience and kind~ she was once very young too and losing your indepence and abilities to remember things that happened recently could be a sickness or breaking down of her mental process!!!

Answer 7

Be patient, you only have a short time to go, and you will be moving. Give it a few days, then you will be able to come and visit and see how things are then. If they don't improve, then don't go back for a while, and see if that will help to ease the strain. If you are gone for quite awhile, and it still doesn't improve, then don't go back. No one can treat you badly if you aren't around them, and when you are asked( and you will be) why you havn't been around, tell the truth. Hope your life will get better, and they will miss you .

Answer 8

My suggestion would be to avoid her as much as possible.
When you can't avoid her try to make sure there isn't going
to be a confrontation. Show her respect being that you are
in her house and do things her way as much as possible.
Then try to get out of there as soon as possible. Do you
have any other family or friends that you could stay with
until your house is ready? Love your gram as much as
possible because she won't always be around. Good luck.

Answer 9

I don't know about your grandmother but I can say that it sound frustrating but have you or your mom taken her to be tested for Alzheimer's. My mother in law is only 65 and is in the last stages but this behavior sounds familar Good luck but be patient

Answer 10

It sounds like your Grandmother is on edge because she would like to have her home to herself. I am sure that she loves you dearly, but as we age, we do need some peace and quiet without a lot of others around all of the time.

Answer 11

Your grandma is not mentally stable so just do whatever you have to to keep things cool until you can finally move out of that house. Lay low and if she hits you call the police!