My husband is eleven years older than me and was married once before. After he and his first wife got a divorce, she found out that she was pregnant. He was present for the birth of the baby, signed her birth certificate, and spent a year helping to raise her. Turns out the baby was never his. Now we want children of our own, but I feel very hurt and jealous that he has already experienced pregnancy and birth by anther woman's side. How can I deal with these feelings?
2007-10-09 07:54:11 · 14 answers · asked by orangeflameninja 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It wasn't his own baby, so it was the equivelent almost of having watched a stranger on TV giving birth. When he experiences pregnancy and birth with you it will be truly the first for both of you. There are worse things to worry about. Good Luck!
2007-10-09 08:04:10 · answer #1 · answered by LoraC 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm currently in a simlar situation. Sadly though this is not mine and my husbands first child together but our second, we were really young with our first and spilt up before she was born.
He remarried, they had a little boy togheter, he was there through her whole pregnancy and birth. They divorced and we got married after a few years .
We are currently expecting number 2 :)...B/c to me this is the second child, there are serious doubts (2 month preemie ewighing over 9 pounds and she found out she was pregnant within a week of him getting off ship please) that the other child is even his. Jealously is a strong emotion I try to not think about it and have told him to not compare or bring up her name lol especially during the pregnancy. Its still a really exciting time to share as a couple and once you have the ultrasound done and him beside you holding you hand as you hear the heartbeats, all those feelings dissapper.
2007-10-09 08:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by his wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has two GREAT kids from a previous marriage and I can totally understand your feelings. I love his kids and would never trade them for the opportunity to be "the first" but I can tell you this...
Remember that though this may not be his first EVER it is his first WITH YOU. He loves you, and is married to YOU. It is a miracle any time a new life comes into the world and you will have a new twist on the experience because he will be in love with you and your new baby together. Last time it sounded more like an obligation (kind of sad...I hope the baby is happy) and this time it will be a joy.
It's ok to have your feelings but you have to focus on the joy (and differences) of the situation. Plus you can rise above the occasion by actually having HIS child and not someone else's.
2007-10-09 08:02:27 · answer #3 · answered by sweetassgal 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Being he did this for an ex wife, just think of how wonderful he will be to you and your baby. I think you are very lucky to have a man who would hang in there after the divorce. So many men walk off after a divorce and do not look back even when children are involved. Can you imagine how excited he is to be a father for the first time? And just think! You are the lucky girl in his life. You need to realize that he is 11 years older than you and had a life before you came along. Congratulations.
2007-10-09 07:59:31 · answer #4 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Think about it this way how do you think your husband would feel if he never knew his ex was pregnant until a year or 2 after the baby was born, then he missed the first everything.
Well know you husband knows what to expect from you and will probably be more understanding to your needs. Good Luck
2007-10-09 09:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by lil_nautica_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know you cannot put the clock back.
But YOU are the one whose side he is at ... don't let it spoil that special moment for you both. He has moved on, so you will have to do the same. Its "History" .... not the present and thats what matters. He should not be made to feel guilty that he lived a previous life before you. Don't create ghosts to be jealous of, jealousy is a distructive emotion, and can poison a relationship. What a terrible thing to have happened to him, Walk in his shoes a while and try and move on.
This is your chance to make you and HIM happy.
Good luck, enjoy the future... TOGETHER!
2007-10-09 08:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by SUPER-GLITCH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get counseling.
it's not that serious.
i don't mean to discredit your feelings...
i'm just saying it like that because, in the reality of it all, we cannot erase history. therefore, he cannot take back any mistakes he has done in the past; and nor can you.
so, forgive the man for what he has done before you. otherwise, if having a man's first experience is what you really want, then you need to leave this man alone.
your feelings of hurt and jealousy can harm your relationship with your husband, and ultimately, with any children the two of you have together.
god bless.
2007-10-09 08:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by EM 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Put it in perspective. She was obviously a liar and he must really resent what she has done. Remember that you will get to share the TRUE meaning of this with him and it is a joint decision, which you both are sharing and he was not tricked into it. Relax, if he wants children with you - it is a totally new experience.
2007-10-09 07:59:00 · answer #8 · answered by brokenheartsyndrome 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to talk this through with your husband. Perhaps a marriage counselor could help you.
2007-10-09 07:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT LET THEM GET TO YOU! WHEN I MET MY NOW FIANCE, HE HAD A 6YR OLD FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP.... IT DIDNT GET TO ME, ITS LIFE AND IT HAPPENS....
HAVE THE CHILDREN THAT YOU WANT! I WILL BE A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH OF YOU TO SHARE!! IT WONT BE THE "SAME EXPERIENCE" AS THE PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, EVERY PREGNANCY/WOMAN IS DIFFERENT!! I'M SURE HE WILL BE AS EXCITED WITH YOU AS HE WAS WITH HER!! NO WORRIES!! JUST LET IT GO!!
2007-10-09 08:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by *LDY LEX* 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋