My brother recently came out of the closet and he has the full support of our entire family. My uncle however was recently overheard saying that he "always detected a touch of lavender" when it came to my brother. When asked what he meant he just shrugged and said, "I always noticed a hint of mint about him"...my sister thinks this was a horrible thing to say. As far as I know it's the only comment my uncle's had about this whole thing. I think we should let it drop but my sister is seething. My uncle is in his 70s and if anything I think he showed restraint compared to what he could have said.
2007-10-09 07:36:57 · 41 answers · asked by ricoreeks718 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Your uncle showed much restraint. Leave it alone before he gets off his 70 year old butt and starts kicking everybody's @ss.
2007-10-09 07:44:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the demand for PC should extend to what is said within the family circle, or even among very close friends. With intimates, one is allowed to say such brutally frank things as "Something is wrong with your breath; get a mint" or "I think you're crazy to pay $200 for a handbag when you can barely afford groceries."
Would you have liked it any better if Uncle avoided the lavender and mint euphenisms and spoken plainly? "Dave always struck me as effeminate" or "I realized years ago that Mike wasn't interested in girls." Is Uncle supposed to pretend that previous to "coming out" your brother was just a regular guy?
Your brother is gay. You are going to hear comments that range from thoughtless or poorly expressed to downright vicious. Save your outrage for the truly vicious lies, not the mild truths expressed by an old Uncle.
2007-10-09 08:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The remarks your uncle made are called "euphemisms". It's a "flowery" way of describing something. As in "borrowed" for stolen, or describing howling dogs as "singing". It's intended as a delicate way to describe an indelicate subject. It is usually intended to be kind and gently humorous.
There are lots of words your uncle might have used if he was intent on being nasty or cruel; and INTENT, is, after all, the whole point, is it not?
One must also remember that uncle is 70. He is from a different time of acceptance and morals and standards than we are today. Given that, I think he did himself proud to accept your homosexual brother with grace and a whiff of lavender and mint. :)
Your sister can defend her brother's rights in this instance without being quite so self-righteously indignant. Sadly, there will, no doubt, be other times when those skills will come in handy in her brother's defense.
2007-10-09 07:57:31 · answer #3 · answered by lfh1213 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Come on now, those of you who think that 70 is old and that we must always be PC need to get a grip. Some day you will be in the older set like myself and say what you think and now it is you!!! In the 60s, I was where you are and thought I knew it all but now I know, I never even knew the Questions. I might have said the same thing, and I have personal friends and Relatives who are Gay and they know me and the way I talk and we get along fine. Trust me when I say I am not trying to put any down, just look at all sides.
2007-10-09 08:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by Larry M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being Politically Correct is for idiots and people who can't deal with reality...
Oh, and comedians...can't forget the comedians.
As for your Uncle...is he treating your brother differently? Is he verbally abusing the rest of the family for supporing your brother's "unnatural" lifestyle?
Since your uncle is in his 70's, that means that he grew-up in the time when "family secrets" were tolerated and "protected," not tossed-out and abused. As you said, if he disapproves, there are considerably worse things he could have said.
Does you brother take offence to the phrases that ticked your sister off so much? If he didn't, she has no right to be offended. If he did take offence, she still has no right to be offended, put-out, yes, but seething? No.
EDIT: Incidentally...all the stuffy ones stating they would slap the uncle...that would likely end-up with the back of his hand across THEIR faces, if not something worse. After all, a Lady does not take advantage of her gender to avoid the consequences of her actions. If she does, she's just a bully in a skirt.
2007-10-09 08:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister is making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Your uncle (especially one in his 70s) is not really concerned about political correctness. He will speak his mind and nothing can be done to change that.
Plus, his comment was somewhat neutral. He didn't say anything seriously mean or degrading or offensive. As far as anyone knows, it seems he was just stating a something he was thinking. Like you said, your uncle could have said much, much, much worse.
2007-10-09 07:50:06 · answer #6 · answered by Shiomi Ryuu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your uncle is part of a generation that told it how it is and didn't hold back. He's simply making light of the situation. Personally, I think the world needs more people like your uncle. This political correctness is getting waaaay out of hand if your sister is "seething" and thinks he was trying to be offensive.
2007-10-09 07:48:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Political correctness is garbage and meant to try and control what people say, do, think, etc. Don't buy into it. Use common sense instead. Your uncle said what he thought was right. As with most people from his generation, they don't accept people who are gay readily. Your sister has her opinion and should learn to drop it and realize that not everyone will see it her way. Let it be.
2007-10-09 08:25:57 · answer #8 · answered by Brewspy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your uncle was only saying he'd already guessed. Your brother has your familys support, so why worry. There will always be opinionated people about everything, whether its right or wrong let bygones be bygones unless he carries on making rude comments. Don't forget the era your uncle was raised in was full of bigots and racists, maybe he needs to be educated to modern ways of thinking!
2007-10-09 07:43:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
so what ?
the guy can say what he wants at 70.
and to say that you noticed feminine traits in a guy
is only saying the truth
he is not saying that he should be shot is he ??
that would be unkind.
o say to a gay guy
i always thought you were gay is politically correct
your sister sound over sensitive.
spades are still spades
whether it upsets you or not or makes your blood boil or not is another story
and whether you like it or not people that are gay can show it at an early age ,even if they don't yet realize it themselves
why don't you let the brother handle it ,what does he say after all it is his business nobody else.
2007-10-09 07:45:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋