I was adopted as a baby. I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me that my birth father never even knew about me! I don't know why, but this is bothering me now. I always thought that he knew. It's not like I'm going to run out and go find him, but there is a part of me that feels like he deserves to know that he has a child. Thoughts?
2007-10-09 04:14:20 · 29 answers · asked by redpeach_mi 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
If it matters, both my parents were in high school when I was born. I am 29 now.
2007-10-09 04:23:06 · update #1
He does deserve to know. Your mother had her reasons for not telling him. Maybe he was abusive, maybe he cheated on her, etc. You have the right to know who your father is as well as he should know that he has a daughter. Do not get your hopes up of a relationship, but definitely search for him & just let him know. He may have heard rumors about a baby. He can't be considered an absentee father if he never had the chance to know that you existed.
My best wishes to you. If you search for him, may you find what you were hoping to.
2007-10-09 04:18:38 · answer #1 · answered by Gypsydayne 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation for yourself. My parents split with my mother pregnant with me. My mother spoke of my father but I didn't know much. We moved a real lot mostly all around Alaska. Well, when I was about 24 I decided to find him. It didn't take much just take a look on People finder. We talked and decided to meet. I came to his house and ended up meeting my whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents and brothers). Well I really enjoyed the five years I knew him cause he died 3 years ago and I really miss him now. So you never know it can be a good thing or a bad thing but you'll never know until you take that step. My mom and step father were pisted off at me for doing that but always remember it's your life and you've got the right to know if you wanna know. It could always end up being one of the greatest thing you do.
thanks
2007-10-09 04:33:23 · answer #2 · answered by loonatic72 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Yeah - I'd look for him.
I did.
I've found him.
I'm still getting to know him.
But I'm so glad I've found him.
My thoughts - you have a right to know him - and he has a right to know you.
Decisions to not tell were probably due to fear and a whole heap of other issues at the time. Also - once lies are told - or truth is withheld - it's really hard to undo the secrets and lies.
What's done is done. Now - go find your Dad.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Poss. xxx
2007-10-09 17:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow I can totally understand I was not adopted but never knew my dad, finally when I decided to ask my mom about him , she told me he never knew . I went on a quest trying to find him and when I got real close to finding him I found out he had been killed ! It really stunk , but if you feel like you want to let him know then go for it !!My opinion is deserved the chance to know !
2007-10-09 04:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by DIVA C 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Look i am in a similar situation, my father new me but was in prison all my life, are lots of points to consider before making you final decision, such, if you tell your father, do you think that he would accept, if you don't think so then why cause you the later pain of that,but on the other hand, if you think that you can have a good relationship with, then i suggest you find and start before it is to late for the both of you.In other go with what you heart tells you, and if you are a christian, the pray and seek God about it.
2007-10-09 06:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by headbusta53087 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
But if you were adopted was it a teenage mom who had you? And the father never knew SHE was pregnant? How would you ever find out if father was never listed as BEING the father on the birth certificate? He would have had to have been informed if his name was on it in order for you to have been adopted.
I guess if it brings closure in your mind one way or another you should pursue it. It could be something great or it could just be disappointing too but I don't know how you would go about finding that information unless by word of mouth you know who it is.
2007-10-09 04:29:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can't relate, but I'd say your probably feeling betrayed a Little and it's not so much you think he should know, but you need to know! Go find out. Ask her, why did you decide to keep him away anything I need to know and do you know where I can find him. I think and this is of course nothing more than my opinion, but if you don't find out it'll put a wedge between you and your mom and you'll always ask yourself who is he really! Don't do that to yourself. I hope I was helpful in answering!
2007-10-09 04:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father certainly has a right to know he has a child!
I imagine not telling him made it easier for your birth mother to give you a chance at the life you've had though. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been.
God bless as you work through your feelings on this.
2007-10-09 04:24:31 · answer #8 · answered by sm2f 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feeling betrayed, and possibly by your adoptive parents. This is why I truly believe one needs to tell the whole story. I cannot imagine keeping that info from my child. Before you start to think about finding your dad, perhaps you should address your feelings of betrayal you have with your adoptive family for not telling you this very important information. Once you resolve this issue you can make your decision to seek out your father. If you are able to get past your feelings of anger and betrayal before this search, think how fulfilled you feel when you find him as opposed to finding him while you are feeling so alone and betrayed. Can you imagine if you find him and his reaction is no more than a hello and a goodbye. That "loss" combined with your anger about not being told can really be unhealthy for you. Good luck.
2007-10-09 05:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Look for him. He is a big part of your life story. Would you start reading a book at Chapter Two?
Btw, I've never known a father to give birth. No need for that silly prefix.
2007-10-09 19:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋