I am 23 and my fiance is 21. We have been dating for 4 yrs and just recently got engaged. We have a 3 yr old son and a child on the way. I am Catholic and he is Jewish and not practicing. I would like to get married in the Catholic church he is totally agenst it. His mother is Jewish and his father is Catholic and they told him they wont allowe him to get married in the Catholic church bc his father had a bad expericence when he belong to the church. They said if he gets married in the church they wont ever talk to him again.
My family is telling me I have to get married in the Catholic church or they wont come to my wedding. They wont pay for my wedding or give me anything unless I get married in the church. They are pressuring us and my fiance is telling me if he keeps feeling pressured the wedding is off. They also think my fiance is controling me (this is not true)bc he is really agenst getting married in a church.
How do I make everyone happy without loosing him?
2007-10-09 03:48:28 · 21 answers · asked by cutelinygurl84 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
you are not going to be able to make everyone happy. it doesn't seem like either sets of parents are the least bit concerned about what the two of you want... and hey!! isn't it about the two of you anyways? Here is my advice~
when the two of you decided to marry you not only made a decision to spend the rest of your lives together but you made a decision to make your own family. when two people decide to marry they leave the nest of their parents and begin their own lives. i realize some things are just important but at the end of the day.... it is what it is... it is you and he getting married and making the decision to start your own family. i must say neither sets of parents are being very good role models on how to "love" you children. if the stress becomes unmanageable, my advice would be to hop on an airplane and do a destination wedding and if the parents want to do something for you, letting them do a reception... if they do not, then they have no one to blame but themselves for their selfish behavior about YOUR wedding....
Good Luck!!
2007-10-09 04:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to make everyone happy in this situation. My suggestion would be to sit down with your fiance and decide what is best for you two as a couple and your children. Is it important to get married in a Catholic ceremony? Is it important to have all of the family there? What do you two want??
In the end the only two people who have to live with the decision is you guys. Yes people will be angry at your for a while, but if they aren't big enough to understand your decision as adults and parents, then they are not worth having around.
You can be married by a priest or a preacher outside of the church, you can elope, you can have a non-religious ceremony, you can work with an official and work both religions into the ceremony.
Do what is best for you two and your children because in the end you have to be happy enough with your decision about the ceremony to put up with all the negativity that is going to come your way.
2007-10-09 04:28:29 · answer #2 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Where do you want to get married? Are you a practicing Catholic who feels you must get married in a church? If so, then you and your fiance need to sit down and talk about how religion will play in your marriage and in your children's lives. Are they going to be raised as anything or will you guys let them go to church and synagogue?
Anyway, if you don't want care to get married in a church, go to Hawaii and get married there. Let your parents know and if they want to come and support your marriage they can. If not, they don't have to go but they will regret it the rest of their lives.
There is no way to make everyone happy here and it's time you guys grow up and your parents let you live your own lives.
I grew up Christian and my fiance is Jewish. Where we are getting married was a no-brainer because we discussed and came to an agreement about religion in our relationship.We are getting married in an artist's loft but we will incorporate some Christian and Jewish traditions in our wedding for our families' sake so they can feel like they're a part of our wedding as well. That's really the whole point of us having a wedding in the first place. We want them to see that our marriage is for real and that even though we come from different backgrounds our two families will have to come together and be one big family. And since we're planning on having kids in the future, how we approach religion is very important. He's ok if my parents want to take our future kids to church and I'm ok if our future kids want a bar/bat mitzvah.
2007-10-09 06:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously can't keep everyone happy. Both sides of the family want different things. Have both sides met? Try getting everyone together, and then just breakdown in front of them! Seriously, cry and ask them what you are supposed to do if so and so wants you to marry in a church and so and so doesn't? Tell them this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life but how can it be if your wedding is going to cause so much trouble? Hopefully, seeing you so upset, they'll rally round and make suggestions and someone will compromise, and you'll begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. If one side of the family is still being horrible about it all, even when they've seen how upset you are, then I wouldn't worry about including them. They are obviouly selfish people who cannot put your happiness on your special day first.
If talking to them doesn't help, and you both still feel pressurised, then think what is important to you. Do you want the wedding because you want the attention and the presents, or do you want it because you want to show your love for your partner and you want to be married to him? If the second is true, and you're under all this pressure and people are going to be upset with you whatever you do, then I would seriously consider eloping, and having a quiet little ceremony just the two of you. Yes the families might be upset when you tell them, but they are upset now anyway so what have you got to lose?
2007-10-09 04:00:59 · answer #4 · answered by abihigginson 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
What do YOU want to do? If you really want a wedding in the church, but your fiance is against it, then you guys have problems here. One of the biggest things you learn as part of a married couple is how to compromise. Take your parents and his parents out of the equation for the purposes of this discussion. You and your fiance decide between the 2 of you where (or if) you guys want to get married. If family members don't like it...tough. That's their decision to make, right or wrong. They don't have to come to the wedding. They don't have to help pay for it either, but if you're old enough to get married, then you should be able to pay for it yourself. Realize that you and your fiance with your children are YOUR own family, quit trying to please other people here. You do what's best for YOUR family, and leave it at that.
2007-10-09 04:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about looking into an outdoor wedding and having someone from the Catholic Church and someone of the Jewish faith both conduct the ceremony. I have been to weddings before in which there were two ministers. They conducted their own ceremonies and finally at the end they both pronounced them man and wife. Or you could simply go for a non-denominational wedding.
2007-10-09 05:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by al l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well then don't get married in a church. I know of MANY christian/jewish couples who marry outside with both a rabbi and a priest. Talk to both sets of parents and see if you can compromise on the venue. Besides.. his father is catholic NOT anti-god. His mother is jewish, and her son is JEWISH by birth (traditional jewish law) or just got and get married without either sets of parents.. and say well you didn't give us any choices. We love you.. but you were being DIFFICULT! Good luck.
2007-10-09 05:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget about trying to make everyone happy. You have 2 people to make happy: your fiance and you. Take the parents out of the equation. Pretend for a moment they've passed on. Where do/don't you want to get married? Where does he want/not want to get married? If he doesn't want to get married in the Catholic Church (a position he hopefully reached of his own accord w/o parental pressure), then no one should try to force him to. And your position that you want to be married in the Catholic Church hopefully came of your free will, not parental pressure.
If he doesn't want to get married in a church, then IMO your best bet is to get married in a non-religious setting (e.g. outdoors, hotel, banquet hall, etc.) with a neutral officiant. Pay for it yourselves. And let the chips fall where they may. Don't allow yourselves to cave into pressure.
And if you're a loggerheads with your fiance over a venue, then you are both not ready to be married.
2007-10-09 05:04:23 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go away and get married. That is what we did. MIL said she would not come to the wedding. So we just got married in the virgin island and then came back to have a nice large party. The bonus was that we got to wear our wedding cloth twice. If each family feels this strong and are willing to pay the bill let each of them have a wedding party for you lol. Trust me after you are married all those hostile statements go away after a wile. It is your wedding and it should be what you always dreamed it to be. You save a lot of money if they decide not to attend the wedding. You can spend that money on a down payment for your first house. I believe the average wedding cost $25000.
2007-10-09 04:10:15 · answer #9 · answered by Iris R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am curious as to your question at the end? you think you could lose him over this? if so then i suggest you take a good long hard look at your relationship. men shouldn't cut and run over an issue like this, and neither should a woman.
in answer to your question i would suggest it is time for the two of you to grow up a bit, cut the apron strings and get on with your lives. you have a child, you are both in your twenties and the families are still controlling you with threats of alienation.
elope. whether you go to vegas or atlantic city or the j.p. in your own town, get a couple of rings, a marriage licence, and the two of you get married without any fuss or bother. then invite all the family over for a sit-down and tell them you are married, and they can accept it and be part of your lives or not. the choice is theirs, but the two of you will get along with or without them in your lives.
sorry you are having such a hard time but i wish you well. good luck!
2007-10-09 05:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋