My boyfriend of 4 years beat me up about 2 months ago. He gave me a broken nose and stitches on my face among

Question

other things. He's facing up to 10 years in prison for 3rd CDV (even though it's his first). My state has passed laws that make it harder for even first time offenders which I totally agree with. But I of course took him back because of the kids...not a good excuse I know. But I lost all trust and feelings for him. I started talking to someone else a little bit but I couldn't leave my boyfriend due to money. He controlls it all. Well, he tapped my phone and found out about the other man...which I have never had any sexual contact and there was no sex mentioned in the conversation. Just a normal conversation. Well, now my boyfriend has left and I'm stuck here waiting for all the utilities to be turned off...even though he hasn't said he was going to turn them off. I need him here to pay the bills until I get a job (I have 3 kids...7, 6 and 2 years old). I have no sitters or anything. Any advice from anyone who's been there? I have no idea where to start.

Answer 1

First thing, learn your lesson and don't take this guy back again. If he's hit you once, there's nothing to say he won't hit you or your kids again.

As for the bills. You may need to apply for welfare until you can get back on your feet - that's what it's for. And there other emergency assistance programs that can help with job training, babysitting/day care, and sometime even for utilities. Check with the electric company to see if they have a rate for low income households.

If you have family and/or friends who might help you, you need to swallow your pride and ask for help. If the boyfriend is working, you need to go to the DA and find out about child support.

And once again, don't even think of going back to him. Doing it for the kids is not a good enough excuse.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear of all your grief!!! Relationship's are very hard to rebuild after such a big problem...Your in a fix, but their is help!! Don't delay to long or every thing could worse!

1. Contact public service and try to get every thing changed to a different name. They want their money so they are good at coming to your aid.

2. Check with some of you local Charity's for help. some will pay part or even all your rent in an emergency, tell them about your kids!!

3. Their are food bank's all over the place. find out what day's they give out food and get there. Some will even give you bus token's or cab vouchers to get home..

4. If all else fails.. get a hold of a abuse center of some kind they always like to get involved.. Just be careful not to over do it !! You don't want them thinking that your kids need protection!!!

Okay most of all don't give up. their are a lot of people out there that have been where you are before..

On a more personal note... If that dude has put his hand on you in any way, dump him and try to find a real man..Believe it or not there are still a lot of good guy's out there. Over the years I have had to find way's to make through tough times.
It can be done. All you need is to do is get on the ball!!!

I wish you the best of luck.. [e-mail]

Answer 3

I feel for you. It's hard to leave an abusive spouse (even if he's just a boyfriend). You are made to feel that you can't exist without him.

The first thing you need to do is to go to a woman's shelter. They are used to having cases like these all the time. Until you do this, you are still under your boyfriend's power. Do not assume that he has left for good. He's waiting for you to come crawling & crying back to him, more broken than before. That way he will have even more control over your life & you will not dare leave him or seek anyone else. The womans' shelters will give you a place to live & will even help you find a job. Trust me on this. They are used to having women & children coming in with nothing but the clothes on their back. Some with even less.

The second thing will be even harder. You need to cut off all contact with your boyfriend. If any of the children are his, you need to get a lawyer & get sole custody of them. Since he is abusive & is facing jail time, it will not be hard. Don't allow him to use the kids as a bargaining tool to get you to come back.

You do not owe him anything. You do not even owe him time with the children. He gave up all of that when he decided to raise his fist to you. Beating a spouse is one of the lowest things a person can do in their lives, barring murder, rape, & child abuse. I will not go into a long diatribe about how he could kill you or hurt your kids, since I'm sure that you've heard it all before. I am going to tell you once again to get yourself to a shelter now. They can & will help you & your kids. If you do not know where one is, go to your local police station, fire station, or hospital. They all keep lists of such places & will help you.

You can also call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Answer 4

Who's kids, child support, tapped phone, because of money? Your first mistake is putting your kids in that position & taking bf back. Second, get wic, or call utility people and explain. There has to be deposits, assistance, DA's office should force financial support, if he's the dad. Why the f!@k did you wait so long to do anything about the bills & utilities? You had 2 months to start assistance paperwork, & 3 kids relying on you? No, it was easier to take the man back, versus taking care of your kids in a safe environment & looking for help then. And how does one get 3rd CDV on first offense?

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation , you are not alone!My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half ...I've been phisically abused by him ever since ...Just last week he beat me so bad that my teeth almost fell off ..No one could recognise me...There is a big difference between you and I though! You have children! Children that depend on you sweet heart common man girl1 they need you more than any thing ! please don't do this to them and to your self! you are in the United States, there is no way you can sit there and not figure out how to pay your bills with out this muther ******! I am sorry to put it this way but I'll tell you this much O.K
the women of my country will sell tamales on the street at six in the morning just to feed their kids ! They will even pick up cans on the street Just to feed them! Okay so get up stand up be the beautifull hard working woman that god wants you to be and open your mind to new ideas on how to be independant...I Know you love him..I feel you sweet heart but you have little ones that are worth way more than that imbesil you are suffering over OK?

Answer 6

Call the Domestic Violence Hot line at 1-800-799-7233. They will assist with all the aspects of your situation and help you tap into all the resources available to you including financial help.

Of course, you know you shouldn't have taken him but you did. You are not alone in making that decision. Meeting other women who have faced the same situation will help you understand why you would be with a man who physically abuses you.

There is help but you have to brave in a difficult situation. The end result is worth it - for both you and your children. Good luck.

Answer 7

Firsrly, i wnt 2 say sorry of hearing, abot this situation. I knw u r in a bad sistuation nd u hav a big headache. But, u knw y i thng, he got angry coz u hav a other man nd u knw coz he newed about ths he beat u up. Well, i can only say 1 thng, u should report it to the police nd da law. Nd am sure they will help u out, nd also with ur expences nd financial problems. Still , i feel very very sorry 4 u nd wht he done 2 u. I knw u got small kids nd their really youngh but, dnt u thng, they would ask u where is my father? Could you be able 2 tll thm wht he done 2 u? Could u? I dnt thng so. Thng about ur childrens future nd their education, get helpi am sure da goverment will help u!!! Jus dnt giv up!!!! Be brave!!!! Nd also dnt get u nd ur 3 children get bulliyed and affected of racisim.... Best of luck i hope my answer can help u!!!!!!

Answer 8

No, you don't need him to pay anything. Quit being the victim and quit using him for money. You need to get up and take care of yourself. You have to go apply for some help some where. I know there are places you can get assistance in an emergency and you need to go get a job of some kind to bring in money. Things will be tough and they are now, but you need to do it on your own.

Answer 9

Welfare is a place to start, even though I am against handouts to people who don't work. You need the basic necessities and you need money coming in, so check there first. Find out about any housing programs. You might have to move.

In the future be more selective about those you let into your bed.

Answer 10

Got to the battered women's shelter in your area. You can call the police station and they will give the info to you. They can help you get back on your feet. Do not take him back. The children will grow up thinking that that is a normal way to live. Do you want your children treating others like that, or being treated like that? You can do it. Save yourself and your children!!! It is your responsiblility as the mother!!!