It stems from his childhood where he and his sister always were in competition with each other, his sister always seemed to be favoured by the parents.
He isnt exactly stupid but thinks that everyone else believes he is and is comparing him to others. He behaves as though one mistake makes the end of the world and now believes he should quit his job because of that.
He is working at my workplace and now thinks that everybody compares us and that he will always be a step behind me..."not as bright, hardworking, loved or popular."
His parents died when he was around 22 and I dont think he ever got over it, he was convinced that they prefered his sister and that his father hated him.
He used to self harm at 16 and has never sought counciling.
How can I help him? I dont know what to do anymore as I always try to reasure him but it seems to have no effect...he asks me what he should do to feel better and I dont know what to say to him...
2007-10-08 20:17:08 · 12 answers · asked by MARIA 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
He doesnt want to take any form of medication and says he cant afford or doesnt have time for a counciler, tried on the NHS but has been on the waiting list for 9 months...
2007-10-08 20:18:25 · update #1
It seems like there is little you can do. Honestly he needs counseling and quite possibly medication. Just encourage him to get the help he needs.
2007-10-08 20:23:23 · answer #1 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hi Maria
Well, the fact that he has you as a partner, and you obviously love and care for him a great deal is probably the single best thing he could wish for.
These problems I see often, and I have to say they are difficult to manage.
He does need councelling - I know its a sod on the NHS but be patient, its worth the wait.
In essence, he needs to prove to himself he is not inferior to anybody, we all have unique qualities even if us or others dont recognise them.
There are a couple of things you can do.
Firstly, make him feel important and needed but DONT patronise. You know your boy friend better than all of us so identify things he is good at - no matter how small or insignificant and use that for starters. For example, if he is good at massage - does he have a nice touch?? then say to him;
"you are so amazing when you touch me, you make me feel so special, can you rub my back for me...."
or, if he is good at cooking, ask his advice on a meal you are cooking, ask him to cook for you... is he good with cars? do you have a car?? ask him advice on something to do with your car etc...
Do you see what I am geting at - you have to make him feel special, usefull and wanted and appreciated - even if you have to invent or create little senarios to acheive this.
Another good way to boost confidence is confidence classes - you can find these on the net and they are really good.
Everybody likes acheivement - it makes you feel proud. there must be something he likes as a career - engineering, science, office management, animal care, accounting, computers - anything.
Get him to do a home study course with the open university or ICS. He can study in his own time, take an exam and when he passes he will get a recognised qualification - he will feel fantastic - talk to him about it.
I think you are great for caring so much and I wish you both all the happyness in the world.
Contact me if you need any help.
2007-10-10 12:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him to a therapist whether he thinks he has the time ro not. Do not try and be his rescuer as you will just be dragged down yourself - leave it to the professionals. Tell him it is time he let his hangups go; he is the one holding himself back not anyone else; unless he enjoys wallowing in misery and playing the matyr. Even if there is a waiting list make him go on it and make him go to the sessions otherwise i would be forced to conclude that he does not actually want to feel better about himself.
2007-10-09 03:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately he needs counseling and possibly medication. It seems as if he is a time bomb and you're just waiting for him to go off. His behavior almost borders on paranoid. The fact that he already had some self harm behavior at one point in his life is also troubling.
Speak to him and encourage him to seek help and let him know that you fully support and love him and will be with him through everything.
2007-10-09 03:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by wldntulike_2know 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Remember you are not alone 1 in 4 will have a mental health problem at some time in their life and most people will recover.
A good step is to call SANE on Tel:020 7375 1002
They are a charity that can help.
2007-10-09 03:41:25 · answer #5 · answered by Pete 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Convince him to go to therapy. Tell him being able to vent to someone that he doesn't know, believe it or not, does actually make many people feel better. Let him know that he doesn't have to see a therapist for years, just a couple visits.
2007-10-09 03:28:32 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny. D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is obviously a difficult situation for you, but he needs to seek help. you need to get him to a doctor. even if he saw someone once a month it is better than nothing. once he starts going he will get more comfortable. as far as his job, i would seek help, maybe go see a lawyer, as yu can get a free consultation, but if things are really that bad he is prob eligable for SSD. He will recieve money, medicaid and it will give him time where he can sort out his issues. dont accept that he oesnt have the money or the time...he needs to see someone.
2007-10-09 03:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My suggestion is that you both take part in the ISA Experience http://www.isaexperience.com Have a look at the website and see what you think - it is an amazingly powerful seminar and I think it would help your partner to deal with his stuff.
2007-10-09 04:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by LillyB 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there,ask him to go to his GP and lay it on the line.He needs someone to talk to.He will feel 100%for it.Best thing i learnt to do was"Change what you can.Accept what you cant"Dont worry about things,eg.stuck in a traffic jam,so what your late.Good luck.
2007-10-09 03:48:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a mess- sounds like he enjoys it and will make excuses for not seeking proper help.
i think that you may in the future , cut and run before he drags you down.- meantime look after yourself.
2007-10-09 03:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋