my best friend is my ex, we just clearly werent meant to be in a relationship but we are great as friends. we have been best friends since a few mths after we broke up and now i have a new bf who was fine with it at first, now 3 mths into it wants to tell me i shouldnt see/talk to him anymore, and starting fights over it. i think this is unfair, and he is just being jealous. he already admitted to being insecure. why should i let someone control me and who im friends with? i love him but i shouldnt have to stop being friends with someone just because of his insecurity. advice?
2007-10-08 19:07:32 · 7 answers · asked by knowitall 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ditch the boyfriend. For real. Don't even mess with this. I've been in the same situation, and believe me - it can get insane VERY quickly.
Your new boyfriend wants you to break off contact with someone that you are close with. Your BEST friend, in fact. He has admitted to being insecure, and that is okay - people are like that. The problem in THIS case is that instead of learning how to handle the situation, he is trying to make it go away...so, what happens when you have a male coworker? If you have to stay late one night at work? Or, if you're still in school, you have to stay late with a male to work on a project?
It generally gets worse over time. My situation got violent, to the point that if my neighbors hadn't been home, I would be dead or crippled. I'm not saying that's what will happen now, but things like this don't just vanish in people's minds.
Generally, I would advise you to try to talk it out with the boyfriend, but since he's already been starting fights over it, I think you're past that point. Unless you are willing to give up your best friend, move on. You COULD try all hanging out together, but if that doesn't seem like it could work out, just drop the new guy. If you try to limit your boyfriend's friends, I'll bet almost anything that he'd drop you...and you'd really miss that best friend at that point, wouldn't you?
Good luck, hon - this situation sucks, I know. Email me if there's anything I can help you with...I've been there.
2007-10-08 19:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by unithoRn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have just encountered one of many many reasons why you can't truly be friends with an ex, certainly not close friends anyhow. You are not just friends, you are 'ex-lovers'.
Your new boyfriend is understandably concerned about it, because he is normal. When you mature, and have a proper relationship with someone, you will find that sometimes you will have to make compromises, because, surprise, he is a human with emotions. It is not 'control', unless you let it. It is compromise, care, and consideration. You say 'jealous' like it's a dirty word. It's not. It's a normal human reaction, given that it's kept within limits.
Unfair hey? Who said romance, or life, had anything to do with fairness? Think for a moment. How would you feel if he started hanging with his ex, saying don't worry honey, we're just great friends! Bah! I'd rather be insecure and jealous than painfully naive and selfish.
2007-10-09 02:20:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that.
If he is your friend and you want to have him in your life, then find the right boyfriend that can handle it. I also have male friends and some of them are past boyfriends. My current boyfriend also has kept some of his previous girlfriends as his friends so we both have an understanding and are okay with it. Hold out for the right man. Don't let anyone tell you who you can and can't be friends with. That is your choice and nobody elses.
I seriously do not think people should choose friends according to their body parts!
A good relationship will allow you the freedom to make choices that YOU think are best for YOU.
2007-10-09 02:21:14 · answer #3 · answered by Blue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I saw the question, I was all ready to be supportive and say that you should never give up friends for a relationship. But then, as I read further, I realized that your situation is rather unique. Be fair. You wouldn't be too happy if he was best friends with someone he had slept with and wanted to spend a lot of time with her. My guess is that the concept originally sounded okay to him, but some of your interactions with your ex left him wondering about your relationship. He isn't controlling you; he is just saying that he isn't comfortable with the closeness of the relationship you have with your ex. I think that is perfectly normal, not insecure or controlling at all.
2007-10-09 02:19:21 · answer #4 · answered by neniaf 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no way the have an ex to be a best friend plus ur best friend is opposite ur gender. Keeping ur ex and bf at the same time is not going to work. Ur just being very greedy. It is either ur ex or ur bf. Ur bf is not trying to control ur life but just makes things fair. Put urself in his shoe. What if ur bf and his ex are best friend and hang around pretty good. How will u feel and act? I'm very damn sure that you will act the same way as ur bf does in the same situation. Think about it or u will lose both of them.
2007-10-09 02:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Check-In Check-Out 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm assuming that you're being straight and are no longer interested in a romantic relationship with your ex-bf. You shouldn't have to choose between them.
If you're OK with both of them in your life, then tell your new boyfriend that's how it's going to be. Don't let him pressure you into making a choice between them. Tell him you're not willing to do that.
If he dislikes it that much that you're still friends with your ex, he can break up with you. I know that's not what you want, but do you really want a boyfriend who controls who your friends are?
2007-10-09 02:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by KIT J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
friends before guys
u should tell ur bf what u just said
he has to know that no matter wat
u will stick by ur friends
and that shouldnt mean u dont like him
2007-10-09 02:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋