Do I have to change my wedding date? Who is right and who is wrong?

Question

My bf and I are in the planning stages of a wedding. We decided on a venue, budget, colors, theme and most importantly, the date! He presented it to his parents and his mom says we have to change the date because two of his cousins are also getting married on that day. (They live out of state). The problem I am having is that I love the date, we booked the church and a reception hall. My bf says if some of his fam and cousins don't make our wedding he will be upset and it will ruin his day! (I guess he wants these cousins in the wedding party) So he suggested we move the date so that everyone special in his life be able to attend. I really don't want to budge, but I love him and I know we should compromise. We have had this argument all day and I am tired of it! Who is right and who is wrong? It's my wedding and I should have what I want right? He's says all his family should be able to attend and we should budge because they planned this date first! Will someone please help us??? :)

Answer 1

Sorry to tell you, but you're wrong. These two cousins of his obviously had their weddings scheduled first, so you're out of luck. In the long run, it will matter more to your fiance that he was able to have his family at his wedding than it will matter that your anniversary falls on a certain date. Also, you're putting his family in a very difficult position because obviously they want to be at all of the weddings, and by a throwing a third ceremony into the mix, you're just making it that much more likely that people on his side won't come because they already have two others scheduled the same day that were there before you. Sounds like you should change your date. And if you do, keep in mind that the polite thing to do, if you have your wedding after someone else's, is to allow two weeks in between so that those newlyweds don't have to cut their honeymoon short to come back for yours.

Answer 2

I understand your reluctance to change your wedding date, especially if it is a date that is significant to you in some way (like an anniversary). However, I think it is a little strange to get married on the same day as a family member. Your boyfriend seems to be close to these cousins -- I'm sure he would be disappointed missing out on their wedding as well.

If you are able to move the church and reception hall booking to another day, I would strongly recommend it. It is your wedding, but it's his wedding, too. Having all the people around you who both of you love and care about should be more important than getting married on a specific date.

Answer 3

Don't get caught up in who is right or wrong. Your perspective should be how can we make this work? Think about it this way. If you don't choose another date and his cousins don't change, your fiancee will not have most of his family present to witness the special day or have the loved ones he wanted in the wedding party. It wouldn't be the celebration HE imagined. There are two parts to this wedding. You AND your fiancee. This won't be the answer you want to hear but you're on your way to not having a wedding at all with your attitude. Think positively. Does it really matter what day you marry him? Or is it marrying him that's important to you? Yes, it's irritating but think about what should be the priority here.

Answer 4

The cousins had it first and you should respect that. Turn it around and role play that you are his cousins - you had the date and now someone wants to come in and have her wedding within the family on that SAME date?! Now, wouldn't you be mad about that? hmmmm...don't like it when you see it from the other bride's viewpoint do ya? Let's say this same bride or groom is close to your boyfriend and wants him at their wedding as well as would like to be at his, but neither can happen because you HAVE to have the same date.

I was in the same situation, but because a cousin of mine had already planned hers for the same date first I had to change it. Was I disappointed?, yes but life sucks sometimes and you do what you have to do.

Ok, now I have to ask where you get off with the 'It's my wedding and I should have what I want, right?' attitude?! My gosh woman you are a bride for a day, not a Queen for the next 6-12 months of planning. Get over yourself and understand that your fiance is getting married too and if he wants a say in some things then count yourself as lucky. Many women on here complain that they WANT their fiance to show an interest and you have one that does and you want to play the Queen card?

At first I didn't want to lay blame and pick right or wrong, but honestly - you're wrong! Change your date and live with it.

Answer 5

You're being a little childish. If his cousins had already set that date and are already deep into the planning process it would be VERY hard for them to change their plans. YOU on the other hand, just made your arrangements and nothing is set in stone. Why would you want to take away guests from someone else's wedding or not have everyone that your husband-to-be wants at yours?

You said it yourself, you won't budge. You're in for a rude awakening once you're married...you'll need to do a lot of budging.

Answer 6

As much as I want to agree with you, I can't. But on the same note, your not wrong. Every woman wants her day, dreamed about it and planned since she was old enough to use the curtains as a veil. But I think you should keep in mind that even though you want this specific date, the true blessing of this occasion. You are marrying this man, your fiance. This man that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. He loves you, and he also loves his family, and that is a good thing, even though it may not seem like it in this instance. Try and pick a day that is just as special, anniversary, or holiday. Try not to be discouraged or mad. After all, you will still get your day to shine in love, and your soon to be husband gets his wish. After all, the vows are meant to say to each other that from this day forward I will do everything in my power to make you happy and show you as much as I can that I love you. It may be hard, but it is his day as well. You don't want this to be remembered anymore than it is: as a major memory of your wedding. Just remember that you love him and that's all that matters. You will be married, whatever the date. Years down the road, the day won't matter; kids, love, everyday memories, and being together will. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

If the cousins chose their date first then I'm afraid you may have to change yours. I think this is a really big test for your relationship. How you handle this compromise will be a taste of how the bigger things get handled in your marriage. I have been married for 22 years! It's hard sometimes. You guys have to put yourselves first and don't let families get too involved in your business. Personally I think your wedding date dilemma really sucks. Like you said, this date is special to you and I would hate for you to have to change it and always have that resentment in your heart, but you have to realize that your bf has some rights in this also.

Answer 8

Sorry, but if the cousin chose the date first they get priority.

If you can change it to just a few weeks difference this should not matter. I know you said you love the date, but why? Is it special to you? Does it even matter if it is on another date even though it isn't your preference?

And this is not YOUR day, there would be no wedding without the groom. It is both your wedding.
Please compromise with him he is not being un-reasonable, but you are sounding like a bridezilla.

Answer 9

Your sense of responsibility to your family, his family, and your guests should far outweigh your desire to indulge your whims. Anyone who believes in such a silly sentiment as "It's MY day and I get to have everything MY way" is too immature to get married.

Why did you book your venue before consulting his family anyhow? Why didn't your BF know that he had a previous engagement for that date? I advise you to avoid making unilateral decisions about your wedding. SUGGEST and ASK; get input from the other people involved.

The way to be a gracious bride is a lot like getting a cat to do tricks; it only works if you choose tricks that the cat is willing to do.

Answer 10

Well its a hard one.

Is their anyway you could combind the wedding?
Could you make it early in the day?
Or could you have your ceremony that day and reception the next day? if your stuck.

I think moving it would be a good idea i could understand if it was someone birthday but a wedding i would not want to get married the same day as another family member.

So i would change it

good luck