My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this
past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have
to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing. also, I now have to scrub the top of every
can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the
hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a
long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena
has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along
to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my
back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and
Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under
the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up
the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it
probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to
a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a
lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ
who have infrequent sexual activity always read their
e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
2007-10-08
18:25:02
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8 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Entertainment & Music
➔ Jokes & Riddles