my father recently passed away now i need some advice...cant quite think straight.?

Question

my father and i were never close. he had a bad drug/alcohol addiction. he left when i was a baby i remember a visit w/ him wheni was 6 i had so much fun w/ him i (then he freaked out and started coming down from his high and scared the hell out of me) i never relaly saw him afte4r that. i always felt abandoned and unwanted. then he got sick his gf (who new about me) didnt tell the hospital of any relatives he was only 46 his kidney and liver were failing and he was on life support as soon as the hospital found out they called. (this was on sept 28th) somehow thru my name they got my aunt (his sister) she then contacted me i todl her i dint want to make any choices i iddnt feel it was my place to i didnt no him like she did. she chose to take him off life support bc he was never happy (he was the cause for an aaciddent that killed my uncle when they were teens thus making for a very difficult guilty life for my dad)he was in north carlina in a hospital i (and his family) r in pennsylva

i was going to c him. for some reason i didnt go on the 29th he died. i dont no how i feel or what i think sometimes its like i dont care othertimes i cry my heart out. i always thought hed grow up and want me sometime in his life and wed get to have that father/ daughter relationship. im getting married in the spring and i thought hed b so proud and would come to my wedding and we could work on things. now i no that cant happen and it hurts. but my question is i go to penn state. i havent been in class for almsot 2 wks im considering a leave of absense w/ whats going on do u think its wise? or should i suck it up and go on w/ my school and job and life? i want to deal w/ what im feeling. i dont want to have all these things on my plate and mess up (failing school or somethign) and then breaking down. is it wrong to just kind of step back and go slow and give myself time to grieve and figure out what and how i feel before i go on w/ school?

he had a gf theyd been together for 16 yrs (i just foudn this out) and she has said how he always talked about me (im his only child) and how he regretted the way things turned out w/ me and him. it means everything to me to no that but at the same time its the one thing that causes so much emotion bc all these yrs i thought he didnt want me and to no now that that was untrue...

thnx everyone but the question is mostly would it b crazy to leave school till spring? what would u do?

thnx everyone but the question is mostly would it b crazy to leave school till spring? what would u do?

Answer 1

Jen, It sounds to me like he lived a pretty hard life. Maybe the saving grace for you was that he wasn't around. I think that maybe in his own way he knew that would be best for you.

Darling, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that some people might think that you didn't really lose much but you did. There is a lot of "what might have beens" "what could have beens and what should have beens" that are probably going through your head. You can't help but wonder- I know.

Try to rest as much as you can, take the time to collect your thoughts and your feelings. You'll have to grieve in your own way or achieve the balance you had before this happened.

It may not be easy but it will all be alright. I promise.

Take Care Darling.

Answer 2

Look... some people come into life just to be a tribulation to everyone else. Your dad was one of them.
Your dad has been set free, and your aunt did the right thing by taking him off life support... it would have only prolonged his suffering.
You can't let his death derail you now since he's been heading there in a hurry for most of his life. You still have to live your life and get yourself caught up.
Talk to your professors and ask for some help in catching up, perhaps a little coaching as to what to focus on so you can pass the next test or two.
Believe me, I know that the death of a parent is a self-checking period... my dad died on March 1st of this year. Your self-check is that you need to make sure you do what he never could do... eduacte yourself, support yourself and raise a happy, well-adjusted family.

Answer 3

If you are not too far behind to catch up I would do that and NOT take a leave of absence. Sometimes it's hard to get back into it after a leave of absence and when you are more emotional you may make decisions you regret later. School will give you something to focus on. And I would also suggest a grief support group and maybe alanon which is for families of alcoholics/drug addicts.

Answer 4

Drugs and Alcohol will cause all kinds of problems for the one
with the addiction, but it also causes much trouble for the family and the people around him. These addictions are treacherous and cause problems that normal people don't understand. I do understand about your problem.

I have taped to my Apartment Door, a file card with this on it.
I have given it to others who are hurting.

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds"
Psalm 147:3.

Trust me, he loved you.

Answer 5

PLEASE see your counselor. Get some immediate help, with a school therapist.
Greiving is so different for everyone.

But, maybe the first step is a removal from the classes, for this semester.

But know one thing.... any father LOVES there child. Many of us do NOT know how to properly show them, or how they need to be shown. But please KNOW, he loved you.

Do not embellish his life, and causes for the drug addiction. It had nothing to do with you. But it was part of his life.

Move forward as quickly as possible. Do not allow yourself to be swallowed up by something you were no part of.

Hope you find your way, and soon.

Answer 6

im sorry for your loss, its extremley sad you never had the chance to get to know him and build a relationship.

i think you should take some leave, you need time to grieve, heal and understand things. if you keep on trying to go with everything happening you will eventually break. its better to take your time and let your heart heal.

Answer 7

you know he loved you , but at the same time didnt want you around the drug problem.and he probobly didnt know how to handle things most men dont.sorry about that but good luck withyour life from here on .

Answer 8

hey step back take a breather the important part is that he missed you he wanted to be with you but didn't know how go ahead grieve for him he was your dad