Death in family.................................................?

Question

My very close aunt committed suicide three months ago, and now I think about her incessantly. I'm starting to miss her so much I don't think I can handle it. It feels as though my heart is shattering into a million pieces that can't ever be fixed. These holes in my heart can't be replaced. My eyes are baggy and they ache, but I haven't cried. My once easily tempted smile has now become weighted down so much I can't even think of smiling. I miss my aunt so much. I was so used to calling her and emailing her when I wanted to talk. But now there's so much to say, but it's too late. I moan, but don't cry. I frown and think of all the things I want to say to her, but I don't cry. I miss her so, my heart is aching with grief.

This sorrow is breaking my heart.

Answer 1

Oh Diana, I know what you are going through. My twin sister committed suicide years ago. She (Stacey) and I were inseparable. We finished each others sentences. When I was sick, she got sick too. When one was sad or happy, the other felt it as well. That's why it still blows my mind that I had NO idea she was so freaking depressed that she took her own life. And that she didn't call me for help. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. That some little thing will remind me of her or a smell or sound will make me remember her. (this is so hard to write but I have to) I know what a shattered heart feels like. And I'll tell you, people may say time will heal all but Diana, it doesn't. The pain does not go away. It just changes shape. What time does do is help you understand how you will GO ON. I'm not going to tell you to focus on all the wonderful things about your Aunt or just be grateful for the time you did have. I'm sure you have enough people telling you that. What I can say is let yourself feel the grief. The tears will come and when they do, it will be an avalanche of emotion. Don't fight it. Embrace your shattered heart and let it out. Then let it go. Breathe it out.
I'm not saying go ahead and mope. But what you are experiencing is powerful and to try and hold it down will make you ill. It's alright to linger in the shadow of grief. Just remember there are people who will need you to come out and back into the light of living.
One of the many things I've learned from Stacey's death is that I will NEVER even consider taking my own life. I never want to cause this kind of grief for the people in my life.
Diana, I wish I could talk to you and hold your hand and look you in the eyes and assure you of something comforting. I don't know how to close this message, Know that you are not alone. I don't know you but I can feel your pain and I am sending you healing warm thoughts.
Sweet girl.

Answer 2

I know that grief is really hard to deal with, I've lost 3 brothers and 1 sister and 2 girl friends in the last 25 years. Grief is different for all of us and we express it differently. You will hurt for a long time (no one can tell you how long) you will want to scream and yell at the unfairness of it all, you are and will be with your aunt for not getting help before it came to that. You might even be feeling a little guilt that you didn't realize before hand that things were that bad. In order to heal you will have to allow you self to feel all of these emotions. If you grandparents are around you will feel bad for their sake(there's nothing worse than burying a child) you will feel bad for which ever parent was her relative. Let yourself feel these emotions and let yourself grieve. It will get better but it will take a while and if anyone here wants to know why they shouldn't commit suicide tell them to talk to you and explain how it feels from the stand point of the people who are left.

Answer 3

I am sorry about your aunt. Look in your phone book and see if there is a suicide support group. Those groups are great at helping people. There are other people there that have been through the same thing and understand what you are feeling. You will feel better eventually even though you do not think so right now.

Answer 4

Well i think the best way is to go to her grave, knelt in front of her and sob... Telling her how much you missed her... i always believe that the dead will ''send'' dreams to you according to my religious belief.. All the things you want to say to her you should do it at her tomb... where nobody is there and you can speak your true feelings out...

I wanted to do this too... It's just that i am too young and can't go to the cemetery myself... I just lost my greatgrandma 4 months ago... I couldn't see her for the last time as i was overseas... But i manage to attend the funeral...My heart was like shattered to few billions pieces as i regret that i didn't take good care of her when she's alive... Humans are always like that, they don't treasure what they have presently and when they lost it, they regretted it...

I feel the same thing as you do... Sorrow & Grief is breaking in my heart... Just wanna tell you that you're not the only one...

Take Care & God Bless you! =)

Answer 5

My mother committed suicide when I was 16. I went through different stage of missing her and mourning for her. Finally I've come to cherish the good memories of her. Sometimes I even cry a little over her missing so much and tears of joy because she did something close to my heart! Don't give up you'll come to that too. Also let go of any anger, it'll just eat you up inside

Answer 6

Death can be very difficult to deal with. Especially in suicide. She left you very suddenly, and it hurts. I am sure you are probably a bit angry too, and might not even realize it yet. When my parents died, I went through about 3 years of constant grieveing. Just when I thought that it was getting better a song, smell, or picture would remind me of them and it would start all over again. Time does help mend, but doesn't always heal. You should seek out a counselor to help you process your emotions, and work through them. You would be surprised what talking to someone outside of your friends and family can do for you. They see things that you don't, and they are there just for you. Good luck.

Answer 7

Find someone you can talk to about it. Write down some of the best times you have spent together, then tape it to the back of your fav pic of her. You can keep the pic where you can see it or you can bury it or put it somewhere safe. If you don't want someone to see the list you can always rip it up after you write it or just hide it. If you don't want to make a list I suggest you go somewhere relaxing and just think about all the good times. And be careful not to avoid friends or family, that won't help. Plus they know some of the best ways to help you, because they know you better than anyone on yahoo. A councelor could help to, because they would give you another point of view.

--I hope this helps and good luck

Answer 8

For grief related depression, go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief in the taskbar, and enter. Call: (U.S.A.) 1800 445 4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [e-mail] Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ and http://www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 Understand that there are often several stages of grief. Enumeration of stages

The stages are:

1. Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. See www.amazon.com for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If the depression continues, visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net. (.net.nz/~shaneris) in section 2.

Answer 9

im very sorry to hear about your loss.

i too had a family member that comitted suicide. i feel your pain and i understand where you are coming from. my brother comitted suicide 7 years ago and yet is seems like it was yesterday. thats how close the pain is.

all i can suggest is to talk to your family about what happened, maybe seek counseling, or a support group. in almost all cities there are support groups for things like that.

just look in your phone book for a local supoort group.

MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOUR AND YOUR FAMILY.

Answer 10

You need to talk with your parents and other family members to share good stories about your aunt as well as your sorrow about her suicide. You might also want to talk with good friends or a counselor - sometimes, it helps to talk with a stranger, especially one with training to help you through your grief.