my hubby is depressed.. want your feed back?

Question

my husband is fighting a very bad case of depression.. it is very hard on myself, our son and on him. we are going to counseling together and he is going on his own, but it seem's like such a slow process. has anyone else ever dealt with depression and if so, did it get better? any suggestions?

Answer 1

It is indeed a very difficult and painful disorder. You have my sympathy. You mention going to counseling, but you did not mention whether he has seen a psychiatrist or whether he is on medication. Clinical depression usually requires medication because it is caused by incorrect amounts of neurotransmitters in the brain.

People do get better from depression, but the course of this disease is quite variable. Some people are only ever depressed once in their lives and get over it. Others have recurring bouts of depression their entire lives.

My suggestions are to make sure that your husband is getting the most appropriate treatment. Find out whether he needs medication. There can be quite a trial and error process in finding the correct medication too. Continue to support him the best you can. Learn about depression and share this information with your son in an age appropriate way. It is vital that both of you keep in mind that your husband did not choose to be ill and has almost no control over it. Encourage your husband to participate in activities he has enjoyed in the past and to stay active. These are particularly challenging goals for a depressed person. Activity often makes them feel better, but they have a great deal of difficulty in getting moving on anything. And make sure that you and your son take time away from your husband to relax and spend time having fun. It seriously drags down the mood of many (most?) people to spend a lot of time in the company of a depressed person. This is a very difficulty situation to deal with. You might also investigate support groups for partners of depressed people. I wish you good luck and happiness.

Answer 2

Depends on the origin of the depression. If you know what the underlying issues are behind his depression such as, unhappy with marriage, or feeling like a failure at work, or money problems then you can try to talk with him about it in a way that will make him feel better. Probably there are at least one or two main issues behind the overall depression, so if you try to figure out what those are then maybe you can help. Therapy is only as good as the therapist, which means in a lot of cases not very helpful. Medications can remove the symptoms but they may not they help the underlying issues and actually fix the problem, and they have a lot of side effects too, they usually are not drugs that you want to take casually.

Answer 3

Counseling is fine but most doctors will tell you that the latest info on depression is it isn't caused by unhappiness with your life but by chemical changes which cause the unhappy feelings. He will get more from the counseling and likely progress better (and faster) with some medication. The chemical changes can't be dealt with by a counselor. It's definitely worth trying and the changes should start to show within a few weeks.

Answer 4

There are the blues. The downfalls. The times in life when you feel kind of crummy. Of course you don't want to, but it is more so an accepted norm in everyone's lives. We all get bummed out.


Yet when you experience "the blues" to an extreme when they will not go away, you may want to consider getting checked for depression.

In the past, this emotional illness was thought to be nothing more than "the blues" mentioned above. Today we know that this illness is very real, yet can be overcome.


So what exactly classifies someone as depressed? If more than four of the following symptoms occur for more than two weeks, you may be experiencing mild depression, which can lead to chronic depression. The symptoms are: Loss of energy; poor appetite, significant weight loss or increased appetite or significant weight gain; insomnia or excessive sleeping; loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities, or decrease in sexual drive; feeling of worthlessness, or excessive feelings of guilt; diminished ability to think or concentrate; indecisiveness; and recurrent thoughts of death, wishes to be dead or suicide attempts.


The best thing to do if you think you may be clinically depressed is to see a doctor. Sometimes a therapist may be better than a family doctor. They can usually get to the root of the problem in a more thorough way. A lot of controversy has stemmed from the reports of family doctors "giving away antidepressants". Medication is an option to be considered by your doctor, and it should be considered carefully. It is estimated that half of the people on antidepressant medications do not need them.


So how do you overcome depression? Popping a pill won't do it, although medication is sometimes necessary. During my own bout with depression, I uncovered a few tips that can work for you.


1. Meditate. Your depression may fall prey to it's sister disorder, anxiety. Whether it does or not, taking the time to learn deep breathing and relaxation.


2. Force yourself to go outside. Even if the weather isn't good, getting outside to walk, read or write is always good. Even if you don't feel like it. I found that I was more depressed when I didn't do anything, even if I didn't feel like it. Don't push it, but do get out a bit, in whatever way you feel comfortable.


3. Write. Get the feelings out. Holding everything in will do no good, and depression doesn't "just go away".


4. Find support. If you do not feel that you need to seek therapy (but don't rule it out!) then go online or buy some books to educate you on the illness. It is embarrassing, but once you find others who can relate, you'll heal faster.


5. Don't watch the evening news. This one sounds sort of silly, but trust me here. Keep yourself around the positive.


With a little work on your part, depression can be healed or alleviated. If all else fails, please seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with it, and you'll thank yourself in the long run. You deserve every bit of happiness there is.

Answer 5

Wow ameygirl...I'm sorry your family is in such a predicament. I know I went through bouts of depression after my divorce and I sought the help of medical professionals who put me on Prozac. Now I'm not saying that is the answer, far from it. But I think you all are doing the right thing by seeking counseling.

Prozac worked for me. Like what was said in the popular movie, Prozac Nation, it did provide me a moment of clarity. I remember reading a lot on depression and for me, I got over it by realizing I just wasn't going to put a lot of emphasis on those things I used to put emphasis on and cherish other things I knew I had. That might not work for your husband, but for me, I went back to school and church. In other words, I gave myself something new to look forward to and not focus on the negative which was my former life.

Bottom line, I realized that there "ain't nothing broke that can't be fixed." That was my wake up call and the one thing that I took comfort in to get by. This may or may not work for your husband. Good luck to you and your family and god bless!

P.S. Make sure you are getting help for you and your son. But more especially, you. You cannot be the rock to hold that family together, if you yourself are falling apart.

Answer 6

If your husband is that severely depressed even after counseling, perhaps you should check into starting medication. Clinical depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. He needs to be evaluated for this and possibly start an antidepressant. I suffer from clinical depression myself and tried 3 different meds until I found the one that works well for me. I hope everything works out for both of you.

Answer 7

Oh yes. It does get better. I really feel for you because I, myself, dealt with depression for many years. When I had my first baby it went away but after I had my second it came back and hit me and my family hard!
It's great that you all are going to counseling together! Is he on any anit-depressants? It took me awhile to find one that really clicked with me but it helps soooo much!
My only suggestion is to be extra sensitive towards him. And very VERY loving. but it sounds like you already are!
I know its tough but he will come out of this. It just takes time. Sometimes, ALOT of time. hang in there and just let him know that you'll always be there for him cause you love him so much. That really is comforting to hear...

Good luck!!!!!

::edit::
and yes, it gets better! It took me almost 5 months but I'm off my pills and not depressed anymore.

Answer 8

Go to a psychologist; you should listen to a professional's advice rather than advice from anonymous people online, especially when the person you want to help has a serious problem like severe depression.

Answer 9

yeah i dealt with it a bit but it wasnt big. i have experienced close family membershaving it and close friends though. the only thing you can do is be yourself and be supportive of your husband. when they are going through something like this the thing they need is for everything to be the same, so just make sure your just yourself and make sure you can talk to people about it too. otherwise you might struggle carryin his emotional load aswell. good luck

Answer 10

It is a slow process but stick with it. Be strong! Show him your support. Pray for you and your family and most of all pray over your husband.