This is her first year and junior high we try to take that into account, and that she is going through puberty. 2 grades show she is not doing her homework and we have caught her in lies. How do we stop this from happening? We already are paying for grades at each quarter.
2007-10-08 16:47:40 · 9 answers · asked by chiefs fan 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Try to develop a better relationship with your child. Obviously she doesn't feel she can trust you enough to be honest and that isn't good for either of you.
Stop paying for grades! That is the worst thing you can do. It makes it seem that the grade is more important that actually learning something. And likely is contributing to the break down of your relationship. Maybe if you had your own priorities in order, your daughter would get hers in order.
Do you lie to her? She may just be mimicking the behavior.
Best of luck to you and your daughter for a healthier relationship.
2007-10-08 18:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by wildeyedredhead 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Ask her every day as soon as she gets home what her homework is, and if she says she doesn't have any, insist she shows you her homework book. Make homework be the first thing she does on getting home, after having a drink and a snack. And encourage her to concentrate and complete it quickly instead of letting it drag on all evening. She will soon find life is much more fun when she's not always worrying about not having done her work and getting into trouble.
And stop paying her for grades! She should not be doing schoolwork for you and for money. She has to do it for herself, for her future, and you paying her to do it undermines this totally.
2007-10-09 01:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Junior High is about kids becoming responsible for their decision making. It is about developing good coping skills. They need to learn to organise themselves and make choices - watch tv or do homework. Some kids are better at organising themselves than others. Some find it so hard that they just sit there staring into space - they need direction and guidance. Organising yourself is a skill. Also teens are going through new brain development. Latest research shows that the some brain cells and brain connections die off and new ones develop in their place. Whilst this is happening teens can be quite vague etc.
Some kids may know they have homework but by the time they get home they have forgotten what they were meant to do.
Make it clear that this chat is because we care and we are trying to support you. Speak to her calmly to find out why she is not doing her homework. Is she having difficulty? Is she having trouble organising herself. Is she having trouble remembering what to do. Is the homework too difficult. Is the house too noisy etc. Get her to be responsible and acknowledge what the problem is.
Then ask her what could we change to help you meet your homework requirements? See she is then becoming part of the problem solving process. Depending on the problem come up with some strategies to help solve the difficulty - she must also come up with some things that she could change to make things better. Like, ask for help when she needs it.
Reinforce to her it is okay to ask for help, even Mom and Dad ask for help to do some things.
Show her how to organise a planner in a few different ways - get her to choose the one she thinks works best for her - do this for every strategy. Show her how to note down what she is set by the teacher for homework. If she is having real difficulties it may be good to include the teacher in on strategies for noting down homework requirements and what to do if she gets stuck. If things are extremely difficult you can seek the schools cooperation in reducing or changing the homework for her until she is over that hurdle. Tell her and show by your actions that you are happy to help if something is difficult or to assist by creating a homework environment that is free of distracions (noise etc).
Once you have an agreed plan of attack then you set the expectations. We will help and support you - but you need to use the strategies and speak up when you need us. Take the focus off the grades. Aim to get her into a homework routine first then move onto building grades. Remember though we are not all good at everything. I tell my kids I expect you to do your best. Mom and Dad know the things you do well and the things you struggle with. We expect to see that you have tried the very best you can. If C is the best you can do in a subject then we will know that and accept that - but if B is your best and you are not making an effort and getting D then we will be disappointed. Not because you got a D but because we know you can do better.
Once you have set the expectations then you have to let her know what will happen if she doesnt meet the expectations. Because these strategies have come about with your input and our support. There will be natural consequences - one we will inform the school to put in place school level consequences. Two we will have to look at removing some of your privelages. We dont think we will need to do this, because we have now worked out what some of your problems have been and we trust that you will do the right thing. But we are letting you know about the consequences just so you understand. Whilst we are here to help you - you must do some of the work too. Even ask her if she thinks this is fair and if she has any other ideas or anything else to add.
When expectations are set jointly - and your daughter is part of the process - when she is not compliant then she has to wear the consequences.
2007-10-09 00:43:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Mine did that last year also. One thing my daughter's old school did(this was elementary school though) they had planners/notebaooks. They'd have to write all the assignments down in it, the teacher would have to initital it and so would the parents-saying they saw what was written in the notebook for the day. That actually worked really good.
Another thing, just start taking stuff away that she really likes. Does she have her own phone or cell phone? Take it until the grades start improving. Video games, tv's, anything she absolutely "must have". If you can't think of anything, is she into any sports or after school activities? Tell her no more of that until the grades improve. That one is working well for us this year lol.
2007-10-08 16:57:30 · answer #4 · answered by tikitiki 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell her she needs to show you her completed homework every evening. If there's a trust issue here, she's already betrayed it by lying about it to you. It's time to put the hammer down for a bit.
2007-10-08 19:49:15 · answer #5 · answered by chaba 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
have her teachers send home a note with the assignments written down and sign it. have them make it so the note has to be signed by a parent. and when you get home from work get her backpack and look at the notes verify that she brought all homework home and make sure its done. if its not make her do it.
if she refuses take things away
no friends no phone no tv no computer no nothing
2007-10-09 00:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well each time she lies about doing her homework take something she likes off her untill she dose it e.g the fone or ipod and stop her from seeing friends till its done tell her if she dosent do it she might have to repeat n all of her friend will b in yr 8 when she till in yr 7 .
2007-10-08 16:58:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
why might want to your dad be so mean? i imagine u might want to tell your mom first and tell her the truth and ask her to inform your dad to quit threatening you. if that doesnt paintings then ask your pal ashely to be with u even as u tell your dad the truth and he or she might want to correctly be your witness. if that doesnt paintings, pray, and attempt to be as fortunate as plausible.
2016-10-20 06:07:03 · answer #8 · answered by branaugh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
spanking time
2007-10-09 06:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋