I am newly married. My husband has a 3yr old son that we have every weekend. I have been in his life since he was 11 mo. and I have grown to love him like my own. One weekend my husband was working out of town and I still wanted to have him because it was our time and I missed him. Our sons mother allowed it but was not happy stating that I am not his mom and dont need to spend time with him alone. Now newly married my family is thrilled to welcome this little boy into the family. My mom is thrilled to be a grandmother and wants to spend more time with him. She lives a 4 hr plane ride away and has bought us 3 tickets to come and see her over xmas. We would be gone 7 days. We have never had our son for xmas and have asked his mother if we can take him. She initially said yes but is now saying how dare we try and take her baby away from her on a holiday and I should have my own baby and leave hers alone. Is it way out of line for us to be asking 4 him 2 meet the rest of his new family?
2007-10-08 16:43:57 · 15 answers · asked by nickii3049578 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
PS they were a one night stand. I didnt take her husband or anything. I call him mine because I am a setp child and I hate being separated from my siblings so I make a point not to seperate him from me. I dont talk to the mom at all so she would not know how I refer to him.
2007-10-08 16:55:08 · update #1
I am not trying to steal him from her. I havent spent a holiday or seen my mom in 3 years and its not often we have to chance to see her. It is my mom that is pressing to see this little boy. She has met him once and yes although it is a holiday his father hasnt got to have him over one yet.
2007-10-08 16:59:20 · update #2
Its not out of line at all....and, what you and your husband choose to do with the time you have him, is not up to her. Sounds like you need it to all be spelled out legally for you and her. This is to protect you and your husbands rights as well. Its not fair for her to have him every holiday. He should be able to spend it with all of his family, both sides, immediate and extended. She sounds like one that will try and twist things to get her way...be careful. Be prepared for legal battles.
2007-10-08 16:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by evanlah 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Does your new husband have a visitation agreement? Is he entitled to have the child on holidays, weekends, etc? If so, there is nothing she can do about it. If not, he needs to check into getting one through the courts, and not let her dictate his visitation rights. Do try to understand her point of view, if you have no children of your own, you cannot imagine what it would be like to spend x-mas without your child, also to take them on a plane 4 hrs away. I'm sure, like any mother she would worry about him, given his age. Maybe try for a few days after x-mas, between x-mas and new years. I can tell you as a mother of 4 and grandmother of 5 that I would be very very sad, if even one of them was not here on x-mas morning. If x-mas doesn't work out, try another holiday, such as easter, or thanksgiving. Good Luck.
2007-10-08 23:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I think it is lovely that you have made this child part of your family and love him, this is potentially threatening to the mother. having him alone without the father present was odd. I am certain most mothers would not have allowed this to hapen with their child. Taking him away at Christmas time? I would think this to be outrageous! Why not allow the child to be with his mother and you can take him after or before?
Although you love him and your husband is the child's father...the truth is he is not yours. If you ever do decide to have a child of your own, you may come to realize just how sensitive this subject is for parents and that you have tread a little too harshly on the mother.
I hope the best for you and your extended family.
2007-10-08 23:51:11 · answer #3 · answered by Tibbar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not a mother, but if I may....
This is a question to discuss with your husband. Get his feelings on the situation. Is this the first long trip away from home for the boy? That could be tricky.
While other mother is showing jealousy, maybe she is not ready for this long of a separation from him. It could take her some time.
I think she's going to fight you on this, you may need to be prepared to accept no for an answer.
Could your mom come during a weekend when the boy is with you?
2007-10-08 23:56:32 · answer #4 · answered by alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married to a man who made a baby with a woman and did not stay with them until their child was even a year old. I suspect that she may feel abandoned and rejected. He didn't want her, but now his new woman wants her baby to be a part of another family. Wow! I can see how this might not sit very well with her. I think you need to welcome your stepson into your family on whatever basis his mom will consent to and don't complain that she wants to be with her son for the holiday. You should understand her feelings. Afterall you want him too, and you are not even his mother. Try to get along with your stepson's mom the best you can. She has a lot of control over your access to him so if you want to maintain your relationship with him, then stay on her good side.
2007-10-08 23:53:30 · answer #5 · answered by treebird 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a mother of three boys, this is a very touchy, touchy subject. Xmas is a very special time and I think this little boy should be with his real mother, sorry, you should really choose another time to be with this little boy. He is not your son! He should be with his mother. I hope I didn't offend you, but you need to have your own children and then maybe you will understand a little more.
2007-10-11 05:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by kristinaelizabeth@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you already know the answer to this question... Of course it is not out of line! I am a mother of two and I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if I were divorced and this situation came up with my husband and my two girls... I'd want them to know their new family! I'd want them to be loved by as many people as they can! They only way I wouldn't want it is if I wasn't over my husband (exhusband) yet, therefore I was ready for him to have a new fmaily of his own...
I mean, of course the child isn't yours by blood but in your heart he is and thats were his mother is having trouble...
It almost sounds like there's a history between you and his mom. If there is then that makes sense, but that doesn't make how she's acting right.
Maybe its just too soon for her to except this new family her son has, but if its you and your husband's time to have him then she'll just have to deal with it.
Good luck!
2007-10-08 23:55:33 · answer #7 · answered by Desi♥KayKisses 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you all need to sit down and talk about this (w/o the baby). I understand where the other mother is coming from, she might be afraid that you're trying to take her place. You need to comfort her, and make sure she knows that you aren't trying to do that. One way that might make it easier on her, is and hopefully it isn't too difficult to ingrain on him, have him call you by first name only, and never mom, mommy, ma, etc. But you do all need to talk and you need to reassure her that you're not trying to take him away, and that you're not trying to replace her, that he's just such a wonderful little boy, and you want to be involved in his life especially since you married his father. Um... I hope that helps.
2007-10-08 23:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
toughth question. If you whant to be on the safe side i would just keep him where u are and let his real mom have him for Xmas. (ime a teen by the way). i know my mom, before i whent any where with my real dad and step mom she would talk to me for 2 hours, and cuse them out for 2 hours. But there is the fact that he has to know his other family, but he would probaly not to either. Like me, i never whanted to meet my stepdad, dreaded the moment i did, and now me whant to poke white hot nails into eachothers eyes. Personaly if i was in a situation like this, i would sit down with everbody and talk it out. Its just not fair if we can't give our own opiones to everybody elses opiones.
Ps, i did not get this from those other answers i was the first one to see this question and i was typing my answer in when the other one came up.
2007-10-08 23:54:01 · answer #9 · answered by Silence, I kill you 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your husbandjob to ask.Laws are very sticky on step parenting laws even with being married to the other biological parent.If you are talking about out of state Good Luck.You are doing right by loving him as if he is biological.If he doesn't mind you remember dad has to punish.Can you have children of your own ? If so add to it/
2007-10-08 23:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Icyelene R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋