Pregnant and wanting to put the baby up for adoption. Does the dad have to know?

Question

So my sister got pregnant in Oregon by a total deat beat. She knows his full name and how to contact him, but she doesn't want to. She wants this baby to go to a good home. She's living in Utah again and looking into adoption. Does she have to tell the father? What if he finds out, can he undo an adoption?

Answer 1

It is unfair that anyone would deny a father his parental rights, much less not being honest with the child about its parents. And if the guy is such a deadbeat why was she screwing him anyway?

But the fact that she is willing to carry the pregnancy to term shows that she is a truly good person who, when faced with a tough choice, chose life and not murder. And the choice to be so selfless as to offer such a gift to another family is amazing. That is true love and really shows one's character.

A father really does have rights and he needs to give his consent. It is only fair to the child. How would you feel if you were adopted, and your mother lied about knowing the identity of your father. When you wre old enough to realize and appreciate the gift she gave you, it would be clouded by her denying you your true identity.

If the guy is ajerk then he'll probably be glad to get rid of the child anyways, either that or he'll never win custody if he is such a loser.

Good luck to her.

Answer 2

Utah is supposed to have the best adoption laws of any state in the US. If she contacts and agency, a caseworker will advise her as to the laws that apply. Birth fathers have rights as well, however unfortunate that may be. Birth fathers can try to block adoptions, but ultimately that will probably be up to a judge. Honestly, only 2% of birthfathers actually follow through with any threats to block adoptions. It may be that as long as he doesn't register with a paternal registry that he won't have any rights and your sister could place the baby for adoption. Have her contact an agency.

Answer 3

In reading the "answers" to this question asked, I realized what IS WRONG with the adoption system. Many of the views here to falsify information on this child's birthfather is just plain wrong. These answers that I am referring to are EXACTLY WHY THE ADOPTION SYSTEM IS UNDER SUCH SCRUTANY.

Deadbeat or not, dad must know and legally terminate his rights.

Perhaps your sister should think of what this child will feel like in 20 years, when he/she finds out. Again, these secrets and lies are the very reasons many adoptees are in emotional struggles today.

The child should be number one on her mind. What is right for the child years later down the road. Not what is easier for her to do now. It's no longer about her, it's about the child. It's just that simple.

Answer 4

Legally and ethically an earnest attempt to notify the father of this child has to be made by your sister or someone on her behalf. This man has a child on the way and he deserves to know. He deserve the chance to make a decision just like the mother. If he is not contacted or an earnest attempt to contact him is not made yes it can cause many problems for the mother, child and potential adoptive parents.

If he truly is a dead beat then I doubt he will want anything to do with this child and will allow the mother to proceed with an adoption plan. Just protect everyone and do what is legally necessary. If you don't he may find out at a late date and he has every right to halt that adoption. He needs time to consider his options and prepare.

What if he's not a dead beat? He might choose to raise the child and surprise you that he is a wonderful father even if he is lacking in other areas. Your sister, in the end, might prefer having her child raised by the biological father instead of having him or her raised by strangers who will not allow her contact or updates about the child's life. She needs to start to research the experiences of mothers who have relinquished children now so she can absorb as much information as possible. There is a lot of information out there on the www about relinquishment, father's rights and what could go wrong if things are not done ethically and legally. Tricking him out of his parental rights may backfire on her and everyone else involved in a possible adoption plan.

Just research and read about those who have been there, done that. Don't be afraid to read about the dark side of adoption as well as the happier experiences.

Answer 5

That is the right thing to do. If not, it could cause problems later if he does find out. That would be incredibly selfish of her not to tell him....and kind of makes her a "dead beat" as well. If he is a so called dead-beat, then I am sure he will have no problem signing over his rights. Everyone deserves to know if they have a child out there that is theirs. Maybe he has family that would like to take in the baby. To not give the baby a chance to grow up with and know their "birth" family is just wrong. If he decided to not have anything to do with the child and so does his family...then that is on them and at least your sister tried...But to not give any chance at all is not right and will come back and bite her in the butt later on.
Tell your sister to do the right thing! Dead beat or not...he at least as the right to know he fathered a baby!

Good Luck

Answer 6

My husband just adopted my son and his 'bio' father had nothing to do with him no name on birth cert nothing no maintenance, but he still had a say in weather my husband adopted him or not,he said yes of course but if he had said no it would have been fought in court and the social worker said he'd lose as hes never seen my son, why doesnt she ring an adoption agency and find out exactly what happens in her circumstances she doesnt have to give personal details about herself at least then she will know what to do for the best, if the social services see thats shes doing it for a good reason and the father is a 'dead beat' they will also do what is best for the child, good luck x I really admire her for doing what she is doing plenty of people would have aborted the child rather then giving it a chance x

Answer 7

If the baby has not been born yet and she does not put him on the birth certificate as the father, then I don't see how he could find out. Unless of course they have mutual friends or he has family in the area.

Still, it would seem right to let him know. Its a tough decision, one that has to come from the heart. Good luck.

Answer 8

Dad might be a deadbeat right now, BUT many fathers change their tunes completely the moment they hold their infants in their arms.

I don't think she should write him off. I know fathers for whom fatherhood was the wake-up call and they got a job, offered to marry the mother, and worked 110% to support their new family.

Besides the father, there are grandparents on that side of the family as well who could be traumatized to find out they have lost a grandchild. A chld is part of a family, on both maternal and paternal sides. The loss of a child to adoption is just as severe in pain as the loss of a child to death. Your sister should think about that. She may never recover from the pain and loss, and the rest of the family may not either. 50% or mothers suffer unresolved grief that only increases over years and decades. counselling does not help.

she should not believe the agencies that make tens of thousands of dollars off each adoption.

she should tell the father, AND his family, about his child and their grandchild.

Answer 9

Yes I think he should know. After all, he was there for the conception. He should have equal say as to what happens to his child. He should be given a chance to maybe even adopt the child himself if he wanted to keep it and the mother doesn't.

Answer 10

YES. To legally put a baby up for adoption the dad has to sign away his rights also. If she does not contact him and he finds out later on he could cause problems for the adoptive parents. There have been cases in the news where the dad found out when the child was 3 years-old and fought to have the adoption reversed and won!