I want my children to be honest with people, but not hurtful, how would you explain the diffence?

Answer 1

Teaching your children empathy starts early in life.
If you're referring to having them learn what a 'white lie' is, that's not right at all.
You're making this bigger than what is really is. Little pnes are learning from you everyday how to treat others and they understand when you're not being honest.
Set a good example for your kids and reap the benefits.

Answer 2

See, that's something that makes you adapt what you say/how you say it depending on the person you're talking to. There's not formula or set rule, it's just a matter being understanding and respectful of other people (which entails being able to pick up on what the specific situation/person calls for).

I think it's something that needs to be shown... that you need to demonstrate. They'll pick up on it. Maybe after explain to them why you said/did what you did.

But I don't think there's anything you can *say* to explain such a complicated human interaction... it's just something that people learn in time (and even the most skilled still screw up sometimes), based on your own experience.

I think the best thing you can teach them is to tell the truth but also to not WANT to hurt people... and in time, they'll figure out how to blend those together on their own.

Answer 3

I place extremely HIGH value on this and try to always be aware of the person I am speaking with. An example was on an earlier post about being asked to pray at school lunch or be included in prayer..the poster is non religious.. Some posts were kinda rude and would hurt someones feelings in a situation I would bow my head and not say a word and pull the person aside after lunch or call her later and tell her that I respect her feelings and I want to sit with them but please pass by me or not call attention to me next time. Ask yourself would I be hurt by someone saying this to me. How can I say this while respecting not only their feeling but their religion, sexual orentition, parenting styles, color and just in general any differences that they might have. If your child is taught tolerance and acceptance of others than it is easier for us to speak to others and not have problems of hurting their feelings.

Answer 4

Setting an example yourself is the best way....... be honest but subtle and they will learn to do the same. Also, when they ask something about a bad thing that other people did (for example) don't use harsh words to describe it..... phrase things the way you could tell them to those people in their face so they learn how to speak their opinions out without being mean.

Answer 5

To explain the difference would be like telling them its OK to lie to avoid hurting someones feelings. A real friend would want you to be honest with them no matter what. When talking to casual acquaintances, saying "I don't know" is OK to.

Answer 6

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

It's not necessary to tell someone that their sweater is really ugly, even if it is true. I had a frustrating time explaining to a 5 year old why it wasn't a nice thing to say.

Answer 7

explain it's not necessary what you say, but how you say something. It's all about the tone in a person's voice and the words they choose that indicate the intention of a person.

Answer 8

"If I hear you say something that isn't KIND, then it had better be NECESSARY" is a rule children can grasp. Something as abstract as choosing manners over total honesty isn't, so save it for when they're at least 12 or so.

Answer 9

A good rule of thumb is in this saying:

"Honesty without compassion is cruelty." - Dalai Lama

Answer 10

If it hurts when you hear it then it hurts others when you say it.