Buddhism & Relationships?

Question

What is the Buddhist perspective on infidelity in relationships?

Answer 1

A general rule to follow with regards to Buddhism and Buddhist ethics is that anything that can, does or may cause suffering to your self or others should always be avoided.

When dealing with infidelity, If a man cheats on his wife (or visa versa) he not only risks making her suffer, but potentially the person he is cheating on his wife with as well and his wife's family, any children they may have, his family who may think him of a higher caliber of person then that as well as himself. As for the woman who is involving herself with an involved man, she is potentially causing suffering to him, his significant other, both of their families, her family, herself and potentially anyone she has a relationship with in the future.

Joe is involved with Sue and have been together for 4 years. He claims to lover her and she loves him. Joe is having an affair with Jill who is not married but knows Joe is. Joe, trying to keep the truth from Sue worries all the time about keeping his secret (suffering) he also feels bad a lot because he knows if she found out it would break her heart (suffering) and he does care about her and doesn’t really want to loose her so he worries about that too. (suffering) Meanwhile Jill wants to have Joe all to herself and everyday she hopes he is going to tell her that he is leaving Sue. When he doesn’t, she is disappointed. (suffering) This is just the known suffer from just the action, not even the other possibilities.
Joe is acting a little different and even if he can’t see it in him self, sue can and she is suspicious. Just the doubt, even before she knows any facts causes her to be hurt. (suffering)
If Sue finds out, she will be hurt and thus there is more suffering. Sue confronts Joe and there is a large argument. (More Suffering)
If Joe leaves Jill, then Jill feels jealous and hurt (suffering)
If Joe doesn’t leave Jill, then Sue is hurt even more. (suffering)
Either way, Joe will feel the pressure and end up hurting someone he either cares or cared about (Suffering)
Sue tells her family about the cheating and they feel bad for her. (suffering)
Joes family finds out and they wonder how he could do such a thing. They are angry and disappointed with him. (Suffering) Joe is hurt buy their feeling. (More Suffering)
Joe gets mad ad Su e for telling everyone their personal problems (even though it's his doing) and they have another fight. (suffering)
Every time Joe is late coming home or goes out with a friend Sue wonders if he will cheat on her again. (suffering)
Every time someone mentions the mane Jill (even if it's some other girl named Jill) or the topic of fidelity or honesty or cheating, etc... Sue feels a little hurt. (Suffering)
Every time Joe sees that Sue is upset, even if it has nothing to do with him, he wonders if it's a remnant of his indiscretions and he becomes upset. (suffering)

Jill finds a new boyfriend and starts a serious relationship...
One day he finds out she was an adulterer and now wonders if she would cheat on him. (Suffering)
She sees his pain and it makes her hurt too. (Suffering)

Look at all the suffer and all the potential suffering. Buddhism is opposed to causing any suffering at all. We should try to end suffering, not cause it.

Understanding that sometimes suffering can not be helped, the idea is to reduce the amount of suffering as much as you can. If a relationship is not working, will it cause more suffering to end the relationship before starting a new one or less suffering. Remember, you need to consider all the possibilities as well as the inevitable conclusions.

If Joe broke up with Sue before dating Jill, he may have cause Sue to Suffer, but it would be temporary and final. The cheating caused so much suffering on so many fronts and that doesn’t even include all the added possibilities of what could have happened.

Try never to cause suffering and is suffering MUST happen, try to minimize it as much as you can.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There are 5 precepts which form the basis of Buddhist morality.

1. Do not kill or harm living beings.
2. Do not steal.
3. Do not engage in sexual misconduct.
4. Do not lie.
5. Do not use alcohol or intoxicating drugs.

Aside from that, the general path of Buddhism is to live mindfully in all aspects, without harming others through word or deed. Infidelity would not only go against one of the basic moral precepts of Buddhism, but it would also be both an act meant to satisfy the flesh (which is illusionary and the cause of suffering, which Buddhists strive to avoid and overcome,) as well as an act which would knowingly harm others.

I cannot speak for every Buddhist, but given the above, one one imagine that Buddhists would quite likely find infidelity to be a negative behaviour that we should try to avoid. Not something a mindful person would engage in, as it has no positive purpose.

Answer 4

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You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It's not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation ' information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

Answer 5

Buddhism teaches against any sexual acts that cause harm to someone else, like adultery, pedophilia, bestiality, rape, etc.
They believe that any relationship that promotes trust and intimacy to be a positive thing. For this reason homosexuality isn't considered as tabboo in Buddhism as it is in many Western religions. Premarital sex also isn't considered quite as tabboo, as Buddhists regard marriage to be more of a civil institution than a religious one.

Answer 6

Buddhist teaching is a little bit variable. Most Buddhists think that sexual activity is only helpful when within the bounds of a long-term relationship. Otherwise, you are engaged in longing for another's body, and that is contrary to the 8-fold path.

If one is straying from a commitment of fidelity, then that suggests that one is engaged in multiple problems for themselves and their partners. They are misleading, risking harm to themselves and others, and emphasizing physical urges over the dharma.

However, if you are NOT in a committed relationship, there are some who say that sexual release helps reduce longing, and so those who wish to engage in mutually agreed upon sexual contact are not straying far from the path. This is a minority viewpoint, but it has been expressed.

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Answer 7

The fundament of Buddhist practice is ethics, and the backbone of Buddhist ethics is not harming any sentient beings. For common laymen, there are five ethical precepts you take (like not killing, not stealing, not lying, etc), one of which is avoiding sexual misconduct. What more precisely is included in "sexual misconduct" differs from culture to culture within the Buddhist world, but some things are always included, like sexual violence, nonconsentual sex, and sex with minors, close relatives, ordained monks/nuns or other persons under vow of abstention.

Included is also always having sex with another person's wife or husband (including another person living in a permanent relationship with someone else). Not only does it harm other persons, but it is also a manifestation of desire/craving, which is the most important emotion you have to work to diminish and ultimately eliminate, if you practice Buddhism seriously.

In principle, there are no Buddhist objections againt sex between two consenting adults who stand outside relationships with other persons (i.e. between singles), but that differs from culture to culture within the Buddhist world. Many teachers state more clearly that the only place for sex is within a long-term relationship.

Answer 8

Decode this lyrics " I don't like to sleep alone"
Like sleeping with a dead Mummy cold and frozen as pillar of salt from the graveyards of different ghostly ancestor's culture and custom.
Ever wonder how the women all freak out without ogarsm with the dead Mummy faulty sexual system?
What do you think?
Luke 9.55

Answer 9

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Answer 10

its not good one of the duties of a householder is to be faithfull and honour your spouse