how do i change my boyfriend?

Question

Ok i'm falling in love with my boyfriend blaine and well he has a problem he's always an *** to me in front of his friends he treats me like trash when his friends are around i've tried everything i've tried treating him like crap in front of my friends and i've even told him if u don't straighten up ur attitude ur going to loose me but he don't believe i don't want to break up with him b/c i'm falling in love with him and he is too we have been going out for 3 months and i don't want to end it

Answer 1

Very simply --
You say, directly,
"I do not appreciate how you treat me in front of your friends. I understand guys have to be macho and create this persona to show they're not whipped, but that does not excuse ____ (insert specific examples). These make me feel ______. I care for you very much, but I do not care for you when you treat me like that in front of your friends. I don't expect you to change overnight, but realize that I will not be around you, hang around you, or do anything with you and your friends unless I can feel special and respected, like I do when you're just with me."

Follow up with questions about why he feels like he has to do this, whether he recognizes that he changes when he's around his friends, and whether he realized how much he hurt you when he acted that way.

So the threat above is not "I'm going to break up with you," but simply "I'm not going to be around you when you're like that." If he wants you around, he'll try to be better. If not, you've shown that you're strong and won't be taken advantage of. but yet you've not put out the ultimatim with a consequence you don't really want to do (that is, breaking up with him for this behavior).

Good luck.

Answer 2

The only thing you can change is yourself, and it sounds like you need to learn to love yourself. Your bf is being abusive, and it doesn't get any better. How would you feel if someone was treating a close friend of yours the way he treats you? What would you tell them to do, and how would you feel watching it happen? If you wouldn't want someone treating your friend that way, why would you think you deserve any less?
It sounds like you need to spend time with people who are going to lift you up and be supportive, avoid those people who make you feel badly about yourself. They aren't your friends. Life is too short to live it hurting and wishing someone would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. How can you be, "falling in love," with someone who doesn't value you? You need to get away from him as soon as possible, and ask yourself why you were ever attracted to someone who would hurt you. Go and get some help with your low self esteem, and you will attract a healthier person in the future. You will be so much happier with someone who values and respects you. good luck

Answer 3

lol.. sorry.. I really don't mean to laugh... but you go from wanting to break up to loving him.... it IS kinda comical.

What you need to do is figure out how YOU want to be treated. Then you need to tell him how you want to be treated. If he can't or won't treat you like that... then you need to end it.

No one should be treated one way in front of friends and another way when you are alone.. especially if you are being degraded/humiliated in front of others. Thats a very clear sign that he really doesn't think very much of you.

If I were you I'd end it. No one deserves to be treated that way.

As far as "changing" him. You can't. People only change when they want to change and they only change what they want to change. If he doesn't have a problem with what he is doing.. then he won't change. Maybe once he sees that you are gone he will decide he needs to do something different with his next girlfriend.

Answer 4

If he really thought you meant something to him he'd treat you differently. So far all he's seen is that this must be ok with you because you still stick around.

You can't shift his actions, and I personally wouldn't put up with that sort of treatment, it's demeaning and wears out your self esteem. Do yourself a huge favor and drop the guy, find one who's GOOD to you and who you can trust, who you are good back to. Love is a two way street and this guy isn't showing that you even matter to him. He's still looking for strokes to his ego from his buddies and puts that over any concern for you.

If you LIKE being dragged down like this till you finally realise it's not going to change, stick it out. It won't be worth it in the end. Best to go find a REAL prince who cares for you.

Answer 5

So basically, you are asking us a question on how you want to change someone who treats you like sh*t but you are still going to go out with this person no matter how many people who answer your question not to stay with this jerk. Am I right? Because you can read all the answers from here but that does not mean you are going to take heed to it. He treats you like that in front of his friends is because you allow it to happen. Instead of saying to this guy that you are not going to be with him anymore and that he can get another girl that will allow him to treat like sh*t.
But, really, Be the laughing stock in front of his friends and your friends. Be that spine-less person you thought you always wanted to be.
Because you are falling in love with a jerk. A jerk who is going to treat you the way you are treating yourself: a sad, spine-less person who is being made fun of. I hope your family is proud.

Answer 6

im sorry to say you cant change a person. one, because only they are able to decide for themselves what they think is right and also because if u try and change someone, the love you have for them is conditional. you only love them IF they do a certain thing and obviously its something you want them to do..

i think he's hurting you and in the long term its going to get worse.. maybe because u wont like it and by the time you bring it up to him, he wont want to listen and you'll feel ignored..?? i think the best thing to do is in this case think about the best for the both of you. are you happy in this relationship? i'd say your answer would most probably be YES.. except for the fact of the way he treats u with friends... and that exception actually defines happiness because you or me or anyone cant say he's going to change his ways. if u take the risk, hopefully he will but what if he doesnt? ull be miserable and soone or later, the love u feel for him will be forced because u FEEL as if u love him when its really because u dont want to let go of something u had for so long... and it'll hurt you when he hurts you and hurting him to try and get him to see things will hurt you even more!

honestly, 3 months is long.. but not long enough.. you still have time to get to know him... stay put for another month or so and see how he is.. dont get too attatched bcause i think what ur feeling is more of infatuation than love.. love doesnt hurt you like that and love treats u well.. hopefully he'll see what he's doing wrong and chang ehis ways.. if not LEAVE. ur in for a rough ride and u wont be able to get out if u stay.. unless ofcourse u put up a good fight, but who wants to waste their time on someone who wont give up their time or respect for you!!!!

good luck!

Answer 7

Hmm...let me think about that....YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR BOYFRIEND! Fact is you can't change anyone - and if he is disrespectful and immature why would you want to be with him? The "falling in love" is temporary - don't waste your time. Once that "falling in love" period is over you'll be even more miserable and hurt and have wasted your time. If he can't respect you in front of other people just kick him to the curb...no one deserves to be treated that way..he obviously is a jerk and insecure. You don't need that.

Answer 8

if there is one thing I've learned from my way too many guy friends and past relationships, it's that guys won't learn if you just talk to them. what you say goes in one ear and out the other ha ha! you have to take action or he will just think you're all talk. you need to "take a break" or actually break up with him. if he really is falling for you then he'll know what he needs to do to get you back. if not, then it will hurt but you'll be better off alone that with a guy who treats you like garbage. trusts me, from one girl to another, you need to take some action with him.. and any guy in your future. it's the only way they learn! :oP

Answer 9

He an @sshole, that's why he treats you like sh_t in front of his friends. If he respected you he wouldn't do that. Find a real man who has manners, this jerk will always treat you like that. Three months is short, life with a huge douchebag is very long!

Answer 10

Well i hate to break it to you but that is unacceptable. He should not treat you any different if you guys are with his friends. If you have talked to him about it before and he has made no effort to change, then im sorry but you should break up with him. You do not deserve to be treated differently just because you guys are around other people, and he probaly doesn't deserve a girl like you.