How do you learn to accept things the way that they are and make the best of each day?

Question

My 15 year old daughter just came to live with me. She lived with her father from age 10 to 15. I like having her with me, but do feel the pressure of being a single parent.

All of the responsiblity falls on me - helping her with studies, enrolling and taking her to classes, and also cooking/ cleaning and shopping for our apartment.

I keep thinking that she would be better off with both parents. Yet, my ex-husband would not help me much with her when we were together. He would work late and if he was home, he would ignore me or pick fights with me about minor trivial things.

I feel sad that my daughter has had to go through so much transition because her parents could not get along.

I am trying to make the best of each day, but sometimes wonder what she did to deserve a disruptive life.

She wanted her and myself to move to the state where my ex-husband is now living.

Answer 1

Do little things each day to get through the transition. For example, if you need to go shopping for food and clothes and stuff, then stop buy an ice cream shop and buy a cone. Sit down and talk to her about little things. She's old enough to learn how to cook. While you're cooking ask her to help you. Make up a recipe together. Doing these little things on a regular basis will help the transition together. Also, if you and your ex are always fighting about little things, there is no way you should be around each other. Just let her know that this situation is better than you and your ex always yelling at each other. And reassure her that she can still see or talk to her Dad. Since she has been living with him she might miss him and just wants to be close to him.

Answer 2

You know, this sure sounds like the 15 year old daughter writing this question. So, I am going to address it as such.
You did nothing to "deserve" a disruptive life. It is unfortunate that parents drift apart and especially when children are a part of the picture. The children need to be told by both parents that they have nothing to do with what has happened between mom and dad. They need to understand that.

If this is the mom then a 15 year old is old enough to help with chores such as cooking, cleaning and laundry. She should go with you when shopping so she can learn the value of things.

As for coping with what we cannot change - you already know you can't so simply, out loud, and as loud as you want, say it. You'll get the message. What you can change say it out loud and that you will the way to do so.

You will be surprised what we can accomplish when we outwardly proclaim or reject something.

Give it a try, whether your the daughter or the mother. It will work if you just do it.

Answer 3

I don't think you need to move. Let her dad provide transportation when she wants to visit him. Mothers and daughters should and could have great relationships. Split up the chores and ask her opinion about arranging furniture, paint colors, etc. Let her feel like it's her home too and that her opinion counts. Let her know you love her and that you are there for her through good time and bad.