How do i get myself out of this mess?

Question

I did something extremely horrible. I lied to my parents about my grades in college the whole 4 years I attended. I even forged documents to lie. I only lied to them, no one else. I didn't mean to start it just happened. But because I did that they were off my back and a good grade actually felt good and a bad grade actually felt bad. I;ve never had that before. now they're going to find out since my brother attends the same college. I was doing fine freshamn year but my grades slipped a lot sophomore year because I was so depressed. Plus when I started I was so depressed I swore that I was going to kill myself before I graduated, I've since changed. i don't want to tell them because I'll go back to my irresponsible self if I do. What can I do? My parents paid for every year except for senior year. I've lied to them in the past about my grades in high school but they foudn out. This is now taking a huge toll on me and has gotten me mroe depressed than ever.

My parents know that the only thing I've ever lied about to them is schoolwork and grades.
Thye will find out from my brother because the grades I said I got would have gotten me on the Dean's list and a Summa. I'm the first one in my family to attend college in the US so my parents had no idea these exist. My brother will pretty much tell them the definition.
Another guilty thing. I was planning to go to medical school and for help I asked my neighbor a retired chem prof to help me. As payment my parents gave the neighbor a lot of expensive gifts.
As for the suicide thing, my parents know that I was suicidal in high school after the school told them about the scar on my wrist and that I admitted to being bulimic. My parents think it was all over after my freshman year of high school. It came back junior year of HS but I hid it very well.

the depression thing has been a tough thing to explain to my parents. Long story short, it's a cultural thing.

Answer 1

ok, you feel bad for lying, and that is a good thing,,, it shows you are not really a liar.

I understand that if you tell them you feel they will see you as being bad, or irresponsible and then you will become that way again.
I used to be very messy and late, and that is how people defined me and therefor i didn't live up to any other expectations. That was until i decided that i didn't want to be percieved like that anymore and i changed. You don't have to slide back.

If you have suicidal thoughts it is very important to talk to someone about it.
A friend of mine once very nearly jumped of a balcony on holiday, but what changed her mind was thinking :' i don't want to be remembered as "that girl who killed herself that time..do you remember?" ' and she was so mortified at how close she had come to ending her precious life and now she lives life to the full and is so happy. After that , all thoughts of suicide being an option to her problems was gone.

Our lives always have up's and downs but it sounds like a cliche but you really do have to think positively. if you had a friend who was constantly criticising you, telling you everything in your life was bad, etc you would feel down. on the other hand, if your friend was positive, happy go lucky, on your side, telling you how great you are etc, you'd feel a lot better...you need to be that friend to yourself.. be the best friend you can be to yourself, not your worst enemy.
decide to change and be positive. Challange your depression, fight it, say no to it. change your body prosture into that of a happy person. Expect good things, and shrug it off when things don't always go your way. It can be done. I have done it. You are incontrol of your mood if you let yourself be.
Don't worry about the past, concentrate on now and live it and love it and yourself.

Answer 2

What purpose is it going to serve by telling them now? They'll be disappointed in you more than they were when you lied while in high school, especially since they were paying for the majority of your college. And now they'll also probably be wondering what else you've lied about, and whether or not they can trust you in the future. I think that the best thing you can do now is to keep quiet, and live your life the best you can, and be 100% HONEST in everything you do. That's the good thing about always telling the truth - since lies usually come back and bite you in the butt. I don't understand what your brother attending the same college as you did has to do with your situation. I doubt that the college can tell him anything about your grades, due to confidentiality issues, if that's what you're worried about.

Answer 3

You talk to your father by taking him to some other place and tell him what you have done. He will be shocked first and slowly tell him that how much you are depressed and how much you are afraid, and felt sorry for the thing what you have done. Mostly he will excuse you and put this matter to your mother. Of course all mothers will have a terrific shock to hear this news. But how long you are going to keep this information with you and suffer. You are suffering because , you don't have anybody to share your difficulties. You can also tell them the reason. You can also show this forum yahoo answers , where you have opted for help. Real parents will understand their children I really appreciate you for having chosen this forum to share your problem and ask for a suitable help. All the best and try to do this as early as possible to avoid further problems in your life. Yours VRVRAO

Answer 4

Just face the music. You're an adult now. Better to start off your adult relationship with your parents with honesty and leave your dishonest childhood behind.

BTW---get help now with your depression. You don't want to get to your 40's and still be battling depression. Enjoy your youth.

You may have experienced something in childhood that triggered depression or it could be biological, but no matter what the reason for it, it's your responsibility to get a handle on it in order to experience life to the fullest.

Tip: If it's about old family stuff, find a way to look forward instead of back. While there's no way you can fix the past, you have plenty of power to make your future bright.

Be brave!

Answer 5

Only way to clear the toll on you is to come clean, fess up to what you lied about.

Let your parents know why you think you felt you had to. Then offer an apology, and change your ways, asking for help is the first step. If you were depressed did you seek therapy or help? Suicidal ideation is frightening and whenever that happens please snap into action and go to ER most have crisis intervention.

Most importantly if you are to become a more dependable human being and you want the previledge of trust you have to own what you did, admit to yourself and then you can begin to forgive yourself and ask that your parents forgive you. Good luck its a pickle but I've raised three sons and it didn't matter the pickle we still loved each one of them good or bad. Still do.

Answer 6

wow that's a heavy burden your carrying,but even though you don't want to hurt your parents think how they'll feel if they found out some other way let them hear from you first.i know it's hard to tell the truth now after so many lies but say a silent prayer before you start talking explain why you felt the way you did and what drove you to it be as sincere as possible let them know how much you love them and that your willing to resume your studies and do the right thing at your own expense off course,tell them don't wait until it's too late o.k things will be fine.

Answer 7

Tell your parents the truth. You will not be irresponsible in telling them; quite the opposite. You will not be able to live with yourself until you tell them.

You graduated from college so your grades could not have been that bad. Stand up and do the right thing. You'll feel so much better when you do. Good luck!

Answer 8

Are you still in school? Are you now a Sr?
First of all, stop the madness. Be true to yourself. You'd not want people lying to you. Don't do it to them. No need to back and make amends, just start fresh.

Get the grades that you earn. Earn what you deserve. Decide what you want for yourself and go get it. Education is all about what you put into it. Go make a better life for yourself. You have to want it.

Answer 9

I think the best thing you can do is just come right out and tell them. If you never tell them, you are always going to feel guilty so just get it off your back now. If you explain everything and how you regret it, im sure they will find some way to understand.
Good luck! and im sorry that all this has happened.

Answer 10

Have you already graduated and got your degree? If so, then you did what you were there to do. If you accomplished that, then the lies are now in the past and personally it isn't worth stressing over. Just use it as a learning experience, put it behind you and out of mind, and vow to not live anymore of your life as a lie.