Why should friends and relatives get upset when someone commits suicide?

Question

If someone commits suicide they are obviously in pain or have problems that they cannot solve. Sometimes its mental anguish....sometimes its physical pain that they feel they can no longer endure and that medicines no longer give relief so why should people feel hurt? Why shouldn't people feel pleased that the person is relieved from all the pain that they can no longer endure. Its OK for everyone to say that we shouldnt do this but who on earth wants to live with physical pain day in and day out and not to be able to sleep. not to be able to enjoy life any longer. When life is a constant pain why bother to go on...as Hamlet says....To die....to sleep no more...etc.

Neither doctors nor medicine can help anymore.

Ive read all your answers. I am not joking. I realise people get hurt but pain is pain and there seems to be no answer to it. What would you do if you could not sleep night after night because of pain? Have constant pain that makes life unendurable? You cannot even enjoy going for a walk or doing things normal people do. why cant people understand that this is NOT a life. Hell? this is hell on earth so why bother about eternal damnation? Ive had counselling but all they do is let you talk nothing more.

Answer 1

There is much sense in what you say, but suicide is one of the great taboos. We do not like to discuss it because it is something most of us don't want to admit to having thought about.

Also anyone who has had a relative or close friend commit suicide feels tremendous guilt over the death. Guilt is present in all types of mourning, but because there is no natural process in suicide, the guilt is profound for those left behind.

Yes it is a release...but what a disappointing one for those that loved them.

Answer 2

If my child committed suicide I would feel as if it was my fault. I would look back and wonder what I did wrong or what I could of done to prevent it.

I would miss him a great deal and I am not sure if I could ever pick myself up again.

I would feel hurt that he didn't come to me for help or atleast emotional support.

I can't even imagine actually being happy that someone just gave up on life all together.

As far as mental anguish, I would of been dead a long time ago and wouldn't have experienced the ups along with the downs.

Now if you want to talk about someone who is perhaps in a coma and has been for a certain period of time. For me I say let me go after one year. Then in my personal opinion I think that is ok, yet it would be very difficult to make that decision for someone.

I think in those cases there should be a will made and then followed.

Answer 3

Okay, I can't contribute anthing new for why people would be upset to lose someone to suicide...

But if this is you or a friend that you are talking about, and I suspect the former, I bet there is something you haven't tried that is definitely worth trying if the alternative is suicide. There is a treatment that is pretty much saved for a last resort because its, well, a little extreme and controversial, but there have been some amazing results. It's called ECT (or EST) It starts working faster than reuptake inhibitors and also works at times when pills don't help. It can get someone out of their current episode, but it doesn't cure it. It can come back, but depression is episodic, anyway--it can come back on pills, too.

Anyway, ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) involves an electric shock used on the head to shock the brain. I believe the person takes tranqulizers ahead of time to make it easier. I don't know the specifics, but it's definitely worth looking into. I'm a psychology major and am taking abnormal psychology right now.

My professor told me a story about this man he visited in a hospital. The man was depressed to the point that he never looked right at him, never (literally) spoke, and yet my prof. would visit him three times a week and gently urge him to talk. He had been in the episode for five years. A few days after he was treated with ECT, my professor went back to visit him, and the moment my professor walked in, the man said "It's nice to see you, again," and surprisingly, he was smiling. The man was optimistic and calm and happy.

Please, please look into it.

Also... if you've taken medicine, I'm assuming they were reuptake inhibitors (Elavil, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft.....) They're pretty much the biggies. Only 2/3 of people respond to those, though. Have you tried MAO Inhibitors (Nardil, Marplan......)? They are used when the reuptake inhibitors don't work because they work as well, but people have to be more closely monitored on them because the side effects are stronger.

Answer 4

Many reasons, here are a few:
1. They felt they could have done something to prevent it and missed the opportunity.
2. They recognized the person made a terrible decision to address a temporary problem in a negatively permanent way.
3. They are religious, and know the person is damned to hell forever.
4. They see the person is weak and frail and wanted more for the person.
5. They are mad because the person who they had respect for is a coward (as Annie Lennox sang, "dieing is easy, it's living that's so hard to do")
6. They were cut out of the will or didn't get the bedroom the person had.
7. They had to clean up the mess and pay for the funeral.

Suicide is not the answer.

Answer 5

Are you serious??? Come on... How about they are upset because that person is no longer there in the world where they can be with them? Haven't you ever missed anyone? Grieved for anyone? And please please please DO NOT quote Shakespeare because clearly you haven't a clue what Hamlets soliloquy was talking about... To die, To Sleep no more, Aye there's the rub.... Read the rest of it sweetie And while you are at it read the WHOLE play

I would say this to you... Everything in life is transient, including pain... There is a way out, there are breaks from it. Nothing is easy or instantaneous ( not even death ). You are not the same as you 6 years ago are you? At one time in your life you were three feet tall and were unable (physically and mentally ) to do a lot of things that you can do now but you didn't stay that way forever did you? Why would you believe that you will feel this way forever? Can you not see how everything, including yourself, changes and grows with time???

Answer 6

You really haven't thought this one through, have you? Friends and relatives get upset for all the reasons people get when anyone close dies - whether suicide or not: they are going to MISS them, there are unresolved issues or things they wish they had said, the fact that the deceased will not be around to share important things with...the list goes on. When it's a suicide, especially a totally unexpected suicide, not only do they have all the normal grief issues to process, they have the added guilt, paranoia, shame etc that they "should" have seen the signs, may have been able to help, or were in some way responsible - and naturally, the only one who could answer these questions is now dead.

Answer 7

They get upset because they love you and do not want you to go.

There are two things I would like to say:

1. If the pain is too much, then in theory yes suicide is an option. And you should not put too much emphasis on how others will think when deciding whether to kill yourself - it is your life afterall.

2. If the pain you describe is mental pain, in other words severe depression, then your decision-making processes in the brain are ALWAYS DISTORTED by the depression itself. You cannot think logically.
So no the answer is not to take your own life, but actively work with doctors to try other treatments such as ECT (which I BET you have not tried), and drugs such as risperdal that often work wonders.

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope you get sorted out as soon as possible.

Answer 8

You raise an interesting point. Im sorry to hear that you feel there are no more remedies for your situation. I haven't had much experience with suicide (touch wood), but was shocked to find out that a couple of weeks ago my cousins husband had taken his own life. Both my cousin and her husband were doing well in life, well from the outside- they were newly married, had 2 properties in overseas, both had good well paying jobs and families that loved them. I didnt know this guy personally but it still came as a huge shock to me. I cannot begin to imagine how his family, my cousins family and last of all my cousin, must be feeling. Im sure none of them would have wanted Mark* (changed the name for privacy) to be living life in pain and anguish, but im certain the LAST thing they would have ever wanted was for him to kill himself.

I can see the point you are trying to get accross, that family and friends might, in some way see the death as the end of suffering, BUT what if family/friends had no idea that this person was feeling this way in the first place? A seemingly happy/content person takes their own life so completely unexpectedly that their loved ones are left reeling from the sheer shock of it all. Can you imagine the overwhelming guilt and absolute anguish my cousin must be feeling now? Her own husband, the man she loves and had recently promised to spend the rest of her life with, felt so hopeless, and was in so much pain, that the only option he could see was to end his life. And she had no idea he felt this way. I'd imagine that all she would be thinking, for a long time to come, is WHY? and WAS THERE ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DONE? Did I miss the signs? And the only person who could provide any answers, and kind of reassurance is now dead.

No-one wants their loved ones to be sad/depressed or in pain. Hell no-one wants to feel like that full stop. When you reach the point where you have no hope left, not a single glimmer anywhere on the horizen, it might seem that death is a reasonable option. But its never the answer. Like someone quoted earlier, something along the lines of -dying is the easy way out, living is harder to do. And it is. Its as simple as that. Replace fear with faith. Have faith that something out there (whether it be god, mother nature, the universe or angels) wants good things for you, and will take care of you if you just trust in it. If you start to do this, then maybe a little hope might force its way into the grey and shed light into even the darkest corners of your soul. Life is no picnic, but it doesnt have to be that bad. You just have to want for it to get better. You gotta fight for it. I wish you all the best and hope you find the answers you're looking for. Believe that you deserve a good and happy life. Because you do

Answer 9

First of all, no one can say that if we commit suicide we are at peace. I know that some people believe those who commit suicide will go to hell (I don't, but some do). So, of course those people would be upset! They don't want their loved one to go to hell. Aside from that, no matter how much pain a person is in, it is always hard for those left behind to say goodbye. There really is no rejoicing in losing a loved one.

Aside from how others feel, though, there is another aspect to it. Usually, those who try to commit suicide, but fail, are happy they failed. Life does get better, and there are so many moments of joy that will be missed by anyone who ends their life prematurely.

Answer 10

GUILT and being powerfully hurt that their relationship meant so very little to the person that killed himself/herself. Those are the messages... you are guilty for not helping, you don't mean much to me, I just don't care about how this makes you feel. These are reasons that kept me alive. I could not bear causing the same pain I felt in the people I love.

There always are different medicines, different doctors, different approaches. Believing otherwise is depression's distorted thinking, not rational thought.

If you have not tried a number of SSRIs, an SNRI, Wellbutrin, a couple tricyclics, supplementing with Lithium, Lamictal, Abilify, Geodon, or an MAOI, you have plenty of med options left. See a psychiatrist and talk about the accuracy of your diagnosis and alternatives.

Answer 11

hunni, suicide is such a tragic waste of a life when maybe if that person had someone to talk to it could have been avoided .please if you are sending a cry for help ring the samaritans if there is no one else you can talk to,they will listen to you and sometimes just talking a problem through with a stranger on the end of the phone can be a big help,they are impartial they have no preconcieved ideas of you as a person so they will not pass judgement on you . noone that has a heart can be glad another person has taken their own life.if you are in pain then there is a strong possibility your medication can be changed so that it does stop the pain, go to your g.p. and ask .if you are set on this course then think of the people you will be hurting first like family and friends .