Kindergartener refuses to get dressed, hair, teeth! HELP!?

Question

My little girl 5. has always been spirited. She has attended preschool in the past and getting dressed was a struggle but this year is terrible! I physically have to hold her when dressing her, brushing teeth, hair etc. She is a defiant little one with lots of spunk and drama and also the type that as soon as she comes home strips off the clothes. I can't keep going through these morning battles and I can't send her to school naked. She's never been diagnosed with any med problems. But it's got me wondering. Any advice would be helpful.

Great advice so far.( I don't believe she's schizo tho.) She can't stand to wear PJ's either. So sending her in her morning as is state would be impossible. And if I sent her with her hair crazy, wouldn't a teacher call CPS on me? lol. Her little sis (4) has always been opposite. Easy, loves clothes, hair brushing etc.) I know this is part of a power struggle, but how do I win? Without steer wrestlin'?

Answer 1

oh wow- I have gone through this all the way from pre-school to kindergaren. Try letting her pick 2 outfits out at night. Explain to her that she has to wear one of them the next day. If she has a fit- Don't argue with her- remind her calmly that she had two items to choose from and she picked them out. If she refuses to get ready tell her she has so many min's to get dress or she will be leaving with her pj's on. take her out to the car in her pjs and say I am sorry you had to choices and you choose none so you can go to school in your pjs. ( you would want to start this earlier then normal) By taking her into the car and leaving (try drive around the block) you are making a point that this is what is going to happen,you will NOT put up with it anylonger. You have to follow through. Its hard.. Let me tell you been there.. This helped me a tons- when i finally followed through with my own words.. My child did not like it that he was going to school in pjs. Need to say i had to turn around real fast to get his clothes on.. He did it!! Hes now in 1st grade and no problem at all.. Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

Tell your daughter's teacher what is going on, and then tell your child that she is five years old and it's time she stopped behaving like a two year old. You will be taking her to school at such-and-such a time in whatever she is wearing. Give her plenty of warning of when it will be that time, offer to help, but don't argue or try to force her. Put a bathrobe in the car in case she is naked, and a pair of shoes so she does not hurt her feet. Because you can't send her indecent or unsafe. And then DO IT. Don't brush her hair, don't discuss it with her, just put her in the car as she is when it is time. You will not have to do it more than once. You probably won't have to go all the way even that once - put an easy to pull on outfit in the car, and once she is having hysterics (probably about half way there when she realises you actually meant what you said) you can pull over to let her put her clothes on.

You are the parent. Not her. Do not have battles with a five year old. You tell her that she is to get dressed in the morning or there are natural consequences - she goes to school undressed. And lose the sneaking respect for her "spunk" and "defiance" - all they will do is get her into terrible trouble in the future, and it is your duty as a parent to teach her not to apply them to someone who is in authority, and especially not when she has been told to do something important.

Answer 3

Lol I know what your mornings are like,, I've been there!

Have you tried letting her pick out her own clothes? lol I know sometimes, they'll pick out the weirdest stuff, but at least she'll be dressed! Or have you tried a chore chart? We did that at my house and it worked wonders! We made up a chart, with the morning activities on it,, such as, got up, brushed teeth, brushed hair, got dressed, made bed etc.. and the days of the week. I used stickers every morning for when they do everything they were suppose to do. If they didn't do a job, then they didn't get a sticker on there chart, and that evening they got something taken away, like TV, PlayStation, toys. But when they done everything they were suppose to do that morning, they got an afternoon treat, and a quarter to put in there banks.

My kids always tended to do something if it was fun,, so I always have tried to make a game out of whatever chore was being ask of them.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

UK question? Because your son is 21 he will be in the adult Court. The youth Court usually make allowances for displays of individuality. I guess you've tried talking to your son and you clearly cannot force him what to wear, neither can you control any verbal outbursts. Anybody who thinks otherwise is just plain ignorant. Anyway, the people who really matter are the Magistrates and it's vital that they know about his aspergers and related social phobia. I know you say that he hasn't got a lawyer but he might still get legal aid for sentencing (assuming this is a UK question) If he doesn't then it would be fine for you to pass a short letter to the magistrates explaining about his condition and the impact that it can have on the way that he presents himself. As for the threat to smash somebody's face if they look at him you're obviously a bit stuck with that. Hopefully it's just bravado and nothing more than an idle threat but to help you feel a bit more in control it might be worth having a word with the security manager and explain to them that your son has special educational needs and could they please keep an eye out for him. Ultimately the magistrates will not sentence him on how he look or presents himself in Court, particularly when they know about his condition. Good luck and don't worry.

Answer 5

First of all, relax, it's all just a phase. My oldest daughter was very difficult when it came to dressing at that age, too. She is now 23 and dresses herself without a fuss, lol.
Also, it may be more about the morning routine, having to go off to school, etc. Here are a few suggestions you might want to try. Make sure she has clothes she likes, even if you don't. Make things very comfortable, pay attention if she tells you waists are to tight, jeans are to tough, etc. Loose fitting sweats, elastic waists etc. can help. Let her pick out fun things (we have pictures of my daughter in brightly colored leggings with a polka dotted skirt over top, it's a great memory and we can now laugh about it). Also, make laying out morning clothes part of her bedtime routine and make sure that she knows you expect her to wear them in the morning. Last, maybe make getting ready in the morning rewarding with following it up with an extra nice, enjoyable breakfast, whipped cream on hot cocoa, a quick story time before it's time to leave the house etc. in short, try to take the stress out of the situation and show her that it's more pleasant for her to cooperate. Good luck.

Answer 6

Someone who is 5 should not have schizophrenia. Schizophrenia doesn't develop in until middle age. People with schizophrenia hallunicate things. That doesn't have anything at all to do with refusing to get dressed. You fail, above answerer.

Being a dictator isn't going to help. Rewarding and bribing good behavior is positive reinforcement though. And neither is any form of punishment or counseling. You can explain to her all the reasons why it's important to be dressed. It's just a phase, alot of kids refuse to get dressed. It's NOT a sign of any disorder like the universal excuse "ADHD" or "Bipolar".

The pediatrics parenting manuals suggests a daily consistent but firm routine. Tell the child that he/she must get dressed with no exception, but leave the time and luxury of picking what to wear fully to the child. The clothes should be appropriate, comfortable, and "fits with the times" as well. That means stylish for her and others. Next time when you go shopping for clothes, you can let her pick out what she wants. If she disagrees, she probably isn't going to be happy. As for her stripping off the clothes as soon as she comes home, it would be better to have some clothes for home-wearing that she can change when she gets home. But she has to agree and like it and wear it. Believe it or not, sometimes a large and tall white T-shirt works wonders and the little kids love it because it's spacious, flowing, and free-moving. Especially if it's dad's and it hasn't been washed. I guess they look up to dad and like the dampness and musky odor of a day-old shirt, I guess...what might not be comfortable for you might be perfect for them...

Another method I've heard, and this does sound silly, is to try to wear the child's clothes in front of her (and/or wear them backwards or inside out). This is where her possessive trait comes in useful for one, and she'll be going "No, MY shirt!" and "MY pants!". As for wearing it backwards, the trick is to get her to take pity on you and actually demonstrate for you by wearing it the right way. I don't know if it actually works, but it has to work or they won't print in in the Parenting magazines.

Answer 7

You are the parent. Stop letting this child dictate what goes on in the house. (First off, her behavior has been like this for some time. This doesn't happen overnite.) You can't stop her from being "high spirited", but you can control what happens next. Every action has consequences. Fine, if she wants to be a mess, send her to school just like that. Instead of PJs, she gets to wear her school clothes to bed. Get her up and let her do her thing. One day of being teased at school for looking like Shana of the jungle and she will be back to letting you groom her properly. In the meantime, remove the "luxuries". If she insists on acting like a wild animal, then she should not have things like TV, video games, trips to the playground, allowance, playdates, dessert, etc. Don't reward her for poor behavior.

Answer 8

Your daughter sounds about like mine. ... Except mine has finally outgrew stripping first thing when we get home. I got her over that by encouraging other people to occasionally come over after school. (Maybe once a week or every other week) Now if she looks like she wants to ditch her clothes I just say "What if a boy comes over?!" and she usually runs into the other room to get back dressed. (Although, she does sometimes come back out in my shirts. ... I have learned to just let her have her fun.)

For the getting dressed in the morning... I have given up! While she is in the bath at night, I pick out her outfit (or a couple of outfits for her to choose from). When she gets out of the tub, I dry her off and tell her to get dressed. The next morning, she is already ready for school! (minus shoes and socks) If breakfast is messy, I let her wear one of my old shirts over her school clothes until we are ready to leave.

Brushing her teeth... That is a hard one. I show my daughter how much I enjoy brushing my teeth and tell her how pretty her smile is when she brushes hers. If she has not brushed her teeth by 10 minutes before time to leave, I tell her that her good morning breath is stinky today and she should brush it away if she doesn't want the other kids and her teacher to think that she is stinky.

Hair brushing... There is no way around that. Just try to minimize discomfort from tangles. I try to brush my girl's hair either before or during her night time bath. If it is very tangled, I wet it down with dangling spray before it is washed then I brush it again as her hair is being rinsed. Try applying pressure to her head and rubbing gently when towel drying after the bath. If you scrub the way i see many parents and kids doing, you will just re-tangle it which leads to a bigger fight in the morning because it hurts.

Have you mentioned these problems to her nurse/doctor? They may be able to help you come up with ideas. And how is she doing in school? My daughter is pretty good there. ... A little stubborn at times, but not too bad. I think that sometimes our kids get away with that kind of stuff with us just because they know they can.

Answer 9

Is she getting enough sleep? My son is like that when he is really tired. Try to have her get to sleep a little earlier, maybe have her pick her clothes for the next day and set them out.

It sounds like a power struggle.

Answer 10

Does she wear pajamas to bed? If she does, do not fight with her anymore. Lay her clothes out and give her the opportunity to get dressed herself. If she refuses to get dressed in the morning, pack her clothes in her school bag and send her to school in PJ's.