Please provide some detailed specific ways for me to dissipate my hatred for 1 person?

Question

I"ve tried just forgetting. Doesn't work. Revenge keeps coming to mind. I've tried praying. Doesn't work. Too much anger. It's been 6 months since bad incidents have happened. What can I do to quickly move on?

Answer 1

You know, I truly understand being angry, Having said that, I am not a person that seeks revenge. I suppose it is because the Lord says that "revenge" belongs to Him. That we are to let it go as he is a God of love and justice!

I want you to be able to move on too. But, you must place this firmly into the hands of God! This is eating you and it will only grow and "fester" if you do not surrender this anger and "incidents" to God!

Prayer does and will work! However, the first step is to ask God to take this from you! To take you to a place, in your faith, to where you can forgive this person(s). You see, the longer you hold onto this...the more power this person has over you....directs your thoughts and hatred!

I want you to know that I do understand, we are all human! In as much, know that I am praying that God will take this from you and restore HIS joy and love into your heart....instead of hatred!

Thank you for the opportunity to pray for you!

Answer 2

If you have great self-control, calmly, confront that person and talk it out. Tell the person exactly, what they did to make you so angry if he or she was not aware of their offense and be prepared to listen, calmly, to the other side of the story to get a better understanding (a different perspective) and possible resolution of the issue. How does the other person feel or how has he or she been affected by the incidents? Just sharing the anger with someone else, such as a close friend or a counselor may help to dissipate it-- do this FIRST. Remember that hatred does the most harm to the person who holds it inside and not the recipient of it. Violence and physical revenge will only increase the misunderstanding and anger and could land you and/or the other person in jail. Do not go there!

Answer 3

For me ... once i put it into my mind that this person could not help themselves to keep from hurting others .. that this "ability" or "need to hurt them selves through causing others pain" is part of their "personality -make-up" and they could not help themselves or stop them selves , then i find it easier to accept the situation for what it is... once i have done that i find i move on , even if it means i can't forgive them for what has happened .

here is some other information that might help you to find the path to move on and maybe even forgive.

Q: Do the 4-r’s of the steps of forgiveness exist in this situation? (the 4 R’s: Regret, repentance, restitution and rehabilitation.
• Regret: Q: Does the person regret the action and hurt they’ve caused you? Most importantly, do you feel like they genuinely regret it rather than just saying they regret it to avoid any further consequences?
• Repentance: Has the person said they’re sorry? Sometimes simply offering an apology can go a long way for a person who has been hurt.
• Restitution: Have they made it up to you, or is there a way that they would even be able to make it up to you? Restitution might go beyond simply fixing what went wrong. Often, the forgiver might need something more.
• Rehabilitation: Have they made a sincere effort to never repeat their mistake again? Rehabilitation should be a continual effort on the wrongdoer’s part.

Daily Inspiration Dr. John H. Sklare, Ed.D Wednesday, April 11, 2007: “And there is some disagreement regarding whether it’s best to forgive those that do us harm. I think I’m going to buck the system here a bit. Let me say that I don’t think it’s always necessary or even a good idea to forgive those that have wronged us. I see this dilemma especially when discussing life-altering issues like child sexual abuse. I often hear women agonize over the dilemma of forgiving their offender. In my opinion, there are some things that are unforgivable in this life and this happens to be one of them.” If you are struggling to forgive someone for some unspeakable act, stop agonizing over trying to do something that your heart won’t allow. Instead, focus on what you can do to move on. Peace of mind and happiness can be found without heart-felt forgiveness.

Answer 4

Know that it is not the other person that is the problem, it is you.

It is an aspect of you, you are not dealing with.
Look at your anger, are you willing to understand what is behind that, then what is behind that, getting back to the core issue.
What is it about the person/incident that bothers you so much.
Look at this in relation to you.

Remember you are very much loved.
Learn to listen and truly hear what is really going on with yourself, it will hold you in the world.

It is a discipline, to clear the mind, to live in the only moment there is, now.

You will turn the key, trust, ask, listen and learn your higher self.
Nobody knows you like you do.

We are all "works in progress"

Answer 5

you don't just hate that person, you also hate one or more aspects of how you interacted with that person - you really wish you'd have handled things better, or avoided the person/situation, or had known/realized the trouble ahead and somehow sidestepped it. Did they cheat you? embarrass you? hurt you? You are beating yourself up because you feel that, on some level, you somehow let it happen.

first, write down everything you feel into a letter (to yourself, or to the other person; whichever seems appropriate). Spell it all out in detail; get it all out. Seal the envelope, address it if you want to... then burn it.

Next, look in the mirror; tell yourself that you forgive yourself; that you did the best you could at the time. Let go.

When we hate the Other, it is almost always because of something within ourselves (excluding acts of violence, of course) - or something we identify within ourselves (correctly or not).

You have no control over the other person; revenge will only make you feel worse. The only one you have power over is YOU.

Answer 6

Forgiveness does not require remorse from the offender. Forgiveness is that precious, freeing gift we give to ourselves.
The only answer for me was to suspend ALL judgment about the person about all people really. Do not place them below you or above you. You must experience him/her as an equal spark of equal potential. All resentments will fall away. No judgment, no emotion, you just let them be them. I had to stop expecting people to behave as I thought they should, as expectations indeed lead you down the road to disaster. And, understand that the person did not get that messed up by themselves. They had help. (neglect, abuse, indifference in childhood.) Picture them as a four year old child. Tough to hate a four year old. I no longer have a hate list of people. Takes work, but the rewards are Divine.
Peace

Answer 7

As much as this may not make much sense to you....LOVE that person. You do not have to FEEL like it....just do it. Do you know why? because God said to....(Matthew 5:44) Well, so, just HOW do you go about doing that? You may have to just pray for them....thank God for their life. Try to think of one thing that is good about them...if nothing else thank Him that they are in a different space than yours...lol. Thank Him that you learned something from them...even if you didn't like it. Sometimes it helps to do something for them....really nice, that they don't deserve....and don't "expect" anything in return. It will just make YOU feel better....trust me! If there is THAT much feeling about someone....even if it is bad...they have a hold on you. That will damage YOU if you don't deal with it. I will pray for you to let it go....and to be happy. It may not be easy but it will be SO worth it. God bless.

ps. that is called "heaping coals of fire" on their head. (Romans 12:20)


† On-call Prayer Warrior †

Answer 8

First, don't take revenge. Ro 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Something as mentioned above, is be nice to that person. Ro 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. When you are nice to a person, your perspective will change. If it happened with a church "brother", then there is procedure in the Bible to follow. Unforgiveness hinders prayer. I take the attitude that there isn't anything that anyone can do to me on this earth that is worthy of Hell. So I let God decide.

Answer 9

Hatred is a parasite which eats away inside until it totally destroys its host.
Try looking on them as missguided, twisted or ignorant.
Face the fact that if you can`t handle them mentally, its you that has the problem.
Try to forgive them..yes
Forget it ..NO
Remember it so you don`t end up in the same situation again.

Answer 10

Have you tried meditating on it?

Or - I know it sounds silly, but it seems to help - write him a letter, and say EVERYTHING that you want to say. Then tear it up or burn it, and let your resentment go with the letter.

I know it's hard to do, but holding onto resentment is like letting someone you dislike live, rent-free, in your head.

Good luck - you can do it!! Just keep at it. This stuff is never easy.