Husband's short temper.?

Question

Hi All,
First of all I don't want any one insulting my hubby. We both love eachother alot.

But I need to help him, he is very short-temp , if I say something that he does not want to hear, he will call me words I hate hearing. Like BI*** it hurts me alot, and when he is calm I tell him I hate that ..he says I say it to hurt you coz you annoy me sometimes. Its been 2 yrs marriage now and I we both can't imagine life without each other..so don't gv me divorce options.
If he wants to annoy me more, he starts singing and he makes a song saying oh my life is a mess since i married you blaa blaa..in a funny tone and high pitch. I want him to be matured but don't know what to do????

Counseling is something he won't even welcome, coz he finds all that funny.

If some one faces the same situation let me know.

He also call me FAT A** since I have am a little overweight, which came after my thyroid problem. I have tried cutting my wrist infront of him sometimes while I cry ..then he hits me and I hardly hear a sorry 4rm him. He says I am a Drama.

Answer 1

EDIT (after reading your additional info): READ THIS FIRST. He has already hit you more than once, at a time when you obviously needed help. He has already escalated to PHYSICAL ABUSE! And you have tried cutting your wrist in from of him. You are in serious danger from him and yourself! You need to get out NOW and get into counseling!!!

>>Husband's short temper.?<<
Let's stop euphemistically calling this his short temper and call it what it is. VERBAL abuse.

>>First of all I don't want any one insulting my hubby.<<
Pretty ironic since he feels free to insult you whenever he wishes.

>>We both love eachother alot.<<
Speak only for yourself. Someone who loves you would not treat you like that.

>>But I need to help him<<
Sorry, but unless he wants help himself, which he does not, he is unhelpable. Nothing you or we can say here will get him to change. Do you really think he's going to change after at least 2 years of abuse?

>>we both can't imagine life without each other..<<
Speak only for yourself. Who cares if he can't imagine life without his doormat/abusee? I would hope you can imagine life w/o him.

>>so don't gv me divorce options.<<
Sorry but divorce is your ONLY option! He will not change. He will escalate. And it's likely he will progress to physical abuse.

>>Counseling is something he won't even welcome, coz he finds all that funny.<<

A small percentage of abusers can be helped if they go to counseling of their OWN ACCORD, and do at least 1 to 2 years of difficult psychological work. Your abuser doesn't think he has a problem and will never be in this small percentage.

WAKE UP!!! Call this what it is: VERBAL ABUSE. Stop defending your abuser and using euphemisms like "short temper." Start looking out for #1--YOURSELF.

Do you have any children? If so, get out for them as well as you. And please don't have any with this man. ***Your only reasonable option is divorce.*** And please get counseling to see why your self esteem is so in the toilet that you would stay with someone who abuses you like this.

P.S. There are some well-meaning suggestions here to go to couple's counseling together. Professional counselers find that does not work. The verbal abuser sweet talks the therapist and lies, trying to get him or her on his side. Then he typically gets pissed at his wife for "airing dirty laundry" and escalates his abuse at home.

Answer 2

I think you know what your problem is and what your choices are but don't want to address them. You tell us the advice you don't want. So, what would you tell someone who presented your scenario. I do understand you love each other, but love isn't enough. There has to be mutual respect, and maturity. He is not maturing at the pace you are.

He will not change. People don't change because someone else wants them to. Either go for counseling yourself, or sit there and be treated the way you are. You allow it to happen, so it's as much your problem as his. Or, you may be able to call Dr. Phil for a marriage intervention. I see the commercials - don't watch his program so I don't know how they actually work. Maury does them, too.... If his drama is hurting that badly and he doesn't respect you, that is probably a large part of the problem.

Good luck to you - you have a long road ahead of you.

Sorry, but you're looking for sympathy and that's not going to help you in the long run.

Answer 3

The only way you can have a good marriage is to treat each other with respect. I've been married 21 years, and that is what my husband and I do. We say thank you to each other for things, and we don't take our problems out on each other.

If he won't consider counseling, then he better listen to you when you say that he's hurting you. You can't change him if he's not willing to change.

He knows that you don't do anything to make him stop treating you like this. You won't leave and you put up with it, so why should he change? Give him a reason to change.

No one needs to put up with that kind of cr*p. You say you love each other a lot, but people who really, truly love each other want the other person to be happy, and they don't want to hurt them (like he is hurting you).

It's not just a short temper, it's emotional abuse. I'm sure he treated you well in the beginning. If you can't talk out your problems (both his and yours), then it's only going to get worse. If he can't treat you well after only two years, you better start fixing this now.

My mom used to be a real b*tch and nag all the time, but I kept telling her what she was doing wrong and then I'd stay away from her for a long time, so eventually she stopped. Maybe you could just stay someplace else when your husband gets like that, and he would see that there are consequences to his behavior.

You need to realize that you deserve better treatment. Until then, your situation won't get any better.

Answer 4

I faced the same situation several years ago. I handled it by telling him that the way he was treating me was unacceptable and not the way that I allow someone to talk to me. His response was similar to the tone of your husband's. I never lost my temper or shouted at him. I just told him, very matter-of-factly, that people who love each other don't call each other names or deliberately try to annoy or hurt each other. The behavior continued. I told him again: "The way you are treating me is disrespectful, hurtful, and not acceptable. It cannot continue." He refused to change. I left.

Sorry, but the way your husband is acting says that he does not care about your feelings and that he does not respect you. He may enjoy being with you, but he doesn't have any respect. You don't treat someone you respect the way he's treating you. And you have to stop letting him do it. If he refuses to change and refuses to go to counselling, what option do you have? You can stay and be miserable or you can take what's left of your dignity, hold you head up, and skeddadle on out of there. What you're describing is psychological abuse.

8 years later I am now engaged to a lovely gentleman who always treats me with kindness and respect.

Answer 5

Well, he does need to overcome his temper, because it will eventually get him in big trouble. I have a short temper, and it's cost me a job in the past, so I know what I'm talking about.

You guys need counseling though. I don't care if he won't consider it, you tell him that if he loves you like he claims he does, he'll do this for you. It's not good that he admits when he's calm that he intentionally does and says things to hurt you, and it's even more not good that you let him do that. He's got to make the effort to make your marriage work, and in your case, that is going to a marriage counselor.

I would make the appointment with a marriage counselor without discussing it with him first. Just make the appointment. When the time comes, ask him to go with you--and I'd do it by asking him if he would do you a favor, or if he'd do something for you. 99% of the time a husband will agree to doing something for his wife. Then ask him to go with you. Tell him he doesn't have to like it, he doesn't even have to say anything, but you need him to go with you. If he flat refuses, go anyway, and then bring all this up with the counselor.

Good luck

Answer 6

Honestly, you are refusing to consider your only options other than to suffer the wrath of your husband.

You have three choices.

1. Deal with it and be miserable for the rest of your life.

2. Leave him for someone who will treat you with respect and be happy.

3. Get his butt in counseling so he can deal with his immature behavior and anger management issues.

Clearly, he is immature and has no respect for you at all. Otherwise, he would absolutely NOT behave this way.

Yes, I have been through it. It got worse with time and eventually led to physical abuse. After 5 years and being nearly strangled to death, I finally got the guts to walk out and leave.

I am now married to a man who has NEVER been disrespectful, never calls me names in anger... never says things to "hurt" me. I am much happier and we are raising an equally happy little boy who doesn't have to live in an environment of anger and immaturity. He will learn by example that you show respect for other people and you don't say things to hurt them.

If you allow him to treat you this way and say you can't live without him, perhaps YOU need counseling. That shows that you are co-dependent on him. That is NOT a good thing.

If he won't go to counseling... go for yourself. If you don't, you will eventually find yourself to be an insecure, vulnerable, depressed version of your former self.

Answer 7

He really really needs to go with you to marriage counseling. You cannot fix this on your own.

Other than that all you can do is tell him how you feel.
What happens when your love for him is not enough and the bad temper and vulgarity overwhelm you. Your marriage will come to an end.

Withhold sex, food, hide the remote to the television when he does this to you. Go buy yourself a new outfit everytime he treats you badly and has to apologize. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Go get a make-over.... when he asks you why say............. "I think I deserve it because you were so mean to me yesterday. (Then pout)"
Women have been doing this for centuries....lol .

Tell him when he does this.... "You are so lucky that I love you enough to overlook what you say and do to me, because no other woman with any self respect would put up with your non-sense." Tell him straight out so he understands EXACTLY what he is risking with this bad behavior.

He does this because you let him do this to you. No other reason at all.
When he is stressed, upset, emotionally unstable.... you become a target.... Why? Because he knows he can, and you will not leave him.

You are enabling his negative behavior.

When you get tired of this... give him the ultimatum.... either he goes to counseling with you or you will legally seperate from him. He will come around if he loves you and go to counseling.

Answer 8

You can't help someone that doesn't want help. He doesn't want to go to counseling and you don't want to leave someone who hits you and calls you names. There aren't really anymore options.
You can want something to change, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen unless YOU get up and do something about it. The only behavior you have control over is your own. If you don't want him to do those things to you, then don't stay around to let him. Move out and tell him you aren't coming back until he agrees to go to counciling with you. If he still won't go because he "finds all that funny" then it's not worth it.

Answer 9

Dear Life is getting boring,

I am not married yet, but am engaged and about to get married in a year. I shud probably Thank God first that i am not in ur shoes and hope that i never am. but i know a lot of married men including people from my family who are very short tempered, and honestly their wives put up with a hell of a life with them, but heads up to u that u r working hard from ur side and are willing to continue with this difficult phase of ur life.. and im sure there r strong feelings for him that are making u do that. im not sure if i can give u the right advice here... but i wud say this much. that the only solution i can think of is that u do everything u can to make him feel how much and how deeply u love him, though his treatment hurts u like hell but u r doing everything to understand him and his short temper. try very much to avoid everything that annoys him and tell him that im trying to change my attitude and behaviour for u, wont u change something for me.?

I really dont know how much this will help u. but i wud want u to know that i appreciate what u r doing as a wife, though i dont know u but it makes me feel proud for some reason that wives like u r also out there, who go thru so much to stay and survive with the ones they love.

Good Luck! and i hope and pray that things wokr out between the two of u.

Answer 10

Get out of the marriage in the present day. suitable now he's showing each and every of the signs and warning signs of somebody approximately to snap, and whilst he does you may desire to finally end up ineffective or worse. this is no longer properly worth taking that probability.