Problem relatives?

Question

My wedding is in less than a week and I just found out that two of my relatives (my grandmother and her 17 year old adopted daughter) who at first said they would not come, are now coming to the wedding. I know it sounds horrid of me but it makes me kind of upset that they are coming. The reason for this is because they both constantly argue with each other in public for the most ignorant reasons and both a VERY VERY bossy and yell at you when they don't get their way. Well I was informed when they arrive they were going to help setting up everything the day before the wedding. I am so stressed out with the wedding that I'm afraid if they "help" that I'm just going to explode on the both of them. Has anyone ever been in a situation close to this? How can I handle it if things get out of hand with them without losing my temper?

Answer 1

in a very polite way let them know that you have plenty of help setting things up and if you get too many people to help it will in turn become a burden and cause you undue stress. you appreciate their offer but everything is taken care of.

I got married last October and we were fearful of possible problems at our wedding. what we did was had some of our friends be security and if anything arose they would be the ones to deal with it. we had a slight altercation at our reception and i didnt even know about it until days later. what a wonderful group of friends i have. they did exactly what they were supposed to do, not let anything ruin my day.

im sure you have some close friends who would gladly step up and handle anything that may arise at your wedding.

Answer 2

I would prevail upon another family member, like either your mom or your dad (whoever is her child), and ask them to help keep grandma out of your hair during the set up. Let her help, but just ask them to stick close to her and if she has an issue, have her take it up with one of them rather than with you.

Also, remember that this whole wedding thing is supposed to be fun. It's a very special day for you and your fiance, please don't be so stressed out over it all that you don't enjoy it--trust me it happens. It's going to go by so fast, you'll wake up in the morning, and the next thing you know, you and your new hubby will be heading off for the night. Ask yourself if everything you're stressed about is really going to matter to anyone other than yourself, and will it even matter to you in a year. Don't stress seating arrangements, don't stress the small stuff, because that's the stuff that no one will remember, ok? Also, don't think you're going to have a "perfect" wedding--it just won't happen. SOMETHING is going to go wrong, either the florist will be late, the photographer will be drunk, the dj will play the wrong song, you pick it, something will not go the way you've planned it. It's how you handle those issues that will make or break you, and the party. So just remember that the most important thing here is that you and your finace get married, focus on your marriage, not the wedding. And be happy!!
Good luck to you, and congrats!

Answer 3

I would suggest sitting down with them and having "the talk." Explain to them that this day is very special and important to you, and that you want everyone to have fun. Arguing does not equal fun. Ask them to put their differences aside for the day and celebrate being family instead of hating each other. Then when they go home, they can yell and fight whenever they want. Also tell them that if they start something at the ceremony or reception that you will ask them to leave because the day will be stressful enough.

And if they start a scene at the wedding, go right up to them and ask them to leave. After all, you already asked them to be nice. Put your foot down if a family member thinks this is wrong.

Possibly during the reception, could you seat the two at different tables? That way, they may both feel more comfortable. The 17 year old with people her age, and gram with the older folks/friends/relatives.

Answer 4

I would make a "compromise" of sorts - allow them to come to the wedding, but politely tell them that you have enough people helping you decorate and set up already.

I have been in a situation like that where close family members said they weren't going to come for one reason or another and then at the last minute decided not only were they going to come, they were going to HELP with as much as they could. I asked my mom to tell them that we had enough help already with the decorating and setting up...to please just come to the wedding and enjoy their time with other family members beforehand.

That was the only way to do it for me.

Answer 5

You try to get other people to 'run interference'. Not between you and them, but between your grandmother and her daughter. See if there is a way to get them helping in the setup, on opposite sides of the room.

Then, if you find yourself wanting to yell at them, you put on your 'mature' act. Force yourself to smile and walk away from them. Do not blow up at anyone on your wedding day. It will ruin your mood, and afterwards, you will wish you had handled it differently.

Don't pull any transparent nonsense like telling they they missed the bus at getting a table at your wedding.

Answer 6

If I were you I would have your mother (or you could) tell them that you have all the help you need and though you appreciate their offer, you will not be needing their assistance. If they persist and end up coming to help and start acting up, let them know that this is how you want it done and that's the way it will be done. If they continue, just tell them if they don't like it they are more than welcome to leave. That should handle it.

Answer 7

Inform the camera crew of the potential problems that could happen. Be sure to get them involved.

Then when they start acting up. March over in your wedding dress and start kicking the 17 year olds @ss!

This will be good footage that could win lots of awards later.

You'll always have the fond memory of getting married and setting things straight in your family at the same time.

Answer 8

It is your wedding, if you don't want them involved with setting up just tell them you don't need their help, it is all under control thanks. I know they are probably a pain, but surely they will put aside their arguing for one day. If they argue around you, tell them they are stressing you out and you don't need to listen to their crap, and not to ruin your wedding with it. If all else fails, just try to ignore them, it is not about them but about you. Talk to someone else who won't annoy you. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'd take them aside and let them know ahead of time that you weren't putting up with any of their nonsense. If they didn't RSVP then I would tell them that all the arrangements had been made and there is no exceptions so you don't have room for them, No food, no place to sit etc. I can think of all kinds of excuses to give them. So you hurt their feelings so what it's your wedding day.

Answer 10

Can't you tell them that you have more than enough help setting up at the moment but you would still love for them to enjoy the extra day in the area?