Is it right for parents to treat their 18 year old like shes 12?

Question

I am 18 years old, never really had any type of relationship with either of my parents. I go to school full time 9-4 tuesday through saturday and also work 5-10 3 of those 5 days. if you can imagine im pretty busy and usually exhausted. I just recently got a car after arguing with my parents for 3 years about me not being allowed to get my liscence. My dad told me ( when i was 18 ) that i would be kicked out if i got it. But i still did anyway, and eventaully we agreed that it would be best for me to have my own car so i could get myself to school/work, ect. They even offered to pay for my $2000 car, because they said " if we can do you this favor, we will" but now its been fight after fight, telling me when i can and cannot use the car, when i should clean it ect. They yell at me when i want to sleep out at a friends, and try to control every aspect of my life. Tell me im a scumbag and have horrible hygiene when i cant get around to clean my room. I just want opinions on what to do.

Answer 1

well they are your parents, but like you said, you're not 12. maybe you should tell them how you feel. and if you feel that maybe you would be better off on your own, maybe you should move out. But i think it would be best for you to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, first. maybe if they know that you're considering moving out, they'll work harder to compromise with you.

Answer 2

I ain't a parent so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. It could be hormones, slightly. During growth, for instance, as a young one I had a lot of pent up anxiety and anger that was for no reason at all. I would just feel an extreme anxiety and energy and need to scream almost. Running around the block helped. High school can be a big switch. She may have new friends and that may or may not effect the way she talks or feels about certain things. New responsibilities. She may feel like she's not getting enough attention or care from one or both parents. Or maybe something is really stressing her out at school, or at home. And when you get older you start questioning responsibilities and testing the boundaries more. Because you want to be like an adult. And less controlled, more independent. Every child is different. The solution may be, gently, to ask. If you have a strong connection it may be easy, if not it may not work well. Some kids don't want to talk to their parents about personal feelings because it doesn't feel right to do so. And because some parents don't get it and so it becomes hard to explain and embarrassing. She may not want to be pleasant and always good anymore, she may want to become more of a big personality. Or maybe she is upset by the parent relationship, if she causes fighting. Just sit down sometime in a moment when she is calm, and tell her you are a bit worried because of these things. That you hope she is doing ok and want to know if there is anything you should know or that has changed. Gooood luck.

Answer 3

I am assuming that your only living with your parents because you can't yet afford to live on your own because of school. I know others here have said to move out, but financially it's probably too difficult and I understand that. Your parents are very controlling and it sounds to me that they just can't let go. I think they also offered to pay for your car so they can control that and they know it, if you had paid for it, then they have no right to say anything. Are they difficult to sit down with and have a mature conversation about how you feel without yelling? Perhaps you should set up a counselling session, maybe this would help. When you are living under their roof though, unfortunately you have to abide by their rules, but I also think they need to wake up and realize that you are 18, work, go to school and seem pretty responsible to me and trustworthy. Perhaps you could also suggest paying them a little rent so you could have some more freedom. Good luck!

Answer 4

Keep working, bank your money, graduate, and move out as soon as possible. You may have to work full-time for the next summer after you graduate to have the money for deposits and such.
Get a credit card and start using it for one tiny thing at a time... like a burger meal once a month... just to get a credit history going.
Talk to the financial aid office at the college you want to attend and see if there are any loans and grants you can get.
Try to find some roommates and take an apartment together. The rent on a 3-bedroom apartment split 3 ways is fairly cheap.
As long as you are under your parents' roof, they have control.

Answer 5

As a legal adult you have rights, however it sounds like you are still living at home and you may have to respect their wishes to a certain level. If they offered to pay off your car, it sounds like they want to control you more. Consider that it may be time to leave the nest and live life on your own terms.

Edit:
If you're not ready to move out. Insist on paying Rent and a part of the Utilities as well as pay for all you own food. If Mom is still doing your clothes and cooking, put a stop to that. That way you have more control over these "rules" as you are paying your way in the house.

Answer 6

So I suppose you're attending a community college right? I go to one myself. But damn, your parents are strict. I got my license at 16, and I can't believe you have been fighting for 3 years to get your license. I say some bonds need to be cut, even if they're family. If you can find a cheap, local place to live, go for it. But you'll be living paycheck to paycheck and having a hard time. Some people don't realize that today it's IMPOSSIBLE to get out of high school and start making a living. You HAVE to go to college or you'll just end up at McDonalds forever. But still, there's no use living with people who piss you off. Just give them attitude and call them an @sshole. You'll feel better. I have parents that do stupid crap like that all the time. I'm just like..."What? You're going to take a car away from me because of that? You'll screw up my transportation, which screws up my schedule, which screws up my grades, which screws up my education, which screws up my future!"

In all honesty though, I just stopped giving a rats @ss about what they thought and came home when I wanted, whenever. Stopped talking to them and if they took away the car, oh well I can fetch a ride. But they eventually got used to it and aren't really even strict nowadays.

Answer 7

well i think you should save up money and move out..it seems like the last straw has been pulled and this sounds like a very annoying and exhasting situation....they might be mad at u but u have to explain why u want to move out, or maybe if u talk to them they'll agree to change and give u more freedom....but i think moving out is still the best choice....U already have a car and a job might as well get an apt. Just be responsible and i think u'll do GREAT. :)

Answer 8

I'm sorry to say your parents seem like a---ssholes. but that's not what your looking for. i don't understand why this happens to people. I've had friends in relatively the same situation. If you don't have good job, try and find one. And when you do, move out. It's hard and scary. Maybe start with your friends house, if you have permission from their parents. If you succeed in that, continue trying to move out on your own, but preferably with a roommate. ask a friend if you would like to move out together. but one that is trust worthy, because you will need help paying rent. i say this because your parents are not respectful to your life. They don't care for you moving on. its sad to see this. and i don't like urging people to move away from their homes, because it is a huge risk, especially at a young age. But in a family that doesn't respect you, family doesn't matter no more. They are just people with issues. Good Luck to you. i wish you the best.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like you're acting like you're 12.

You're living in your parents house, without respect for them. You're mooching free rent and probably maid service. It sounds to me like you're probably getting help for the car, even if you bought it all on your own.

Time to grow up, get out of their house and try to form an adult relationship with your parents, after you apologize to them for being an adult baby for so long.

Answer 10

Clearly time to move out. As long as you accept gifts from them (such as housing, electricity, hot water, etc.) they will feel that they can make rules for you. Physical separation, by moving out, will help them see that you are grown. (so don't take any $$ from them to help get a place)