'Mother - in - law' wrecking our relationship?

Question

I'm realy getting sick of my girlfriends mother, she is a nice enought person but carn't keep her nose out and meddeling in our relationship.

For example my gf has been on a diet (in which I support her in either way) she has been doing well and I have been doing my bit to encourage her and see that I dont eat junk food around her or discourage her by suggesting a take-a-way.

The MIL doesnt see why see should want to loose weight (as she is overweight) and tries to discourage her and sais that she shouldnt listen to me!
Also I now am getting tired of visiting them, every time we do, she tell my gf not to be bossed around by me, and is very deluded / overprotective.

Before anyone asks or jumps to conclusions, I am not like how my MIL see's me, she is very protective of her kids and its causing problems in thier relationships aswell.

I have talked to my gf and the MIL but nothing changes, evertime we see her family she belives what they say and it causes a fight.

what do i do?

revsuzan...
I am fully aware of the legal staus of in-laws, this is a collective term and everybody but you realised that.

I am unsure how you have become a top contributer as you seem not to have a clue on how to advise on situations, I am not a "bum" and happen to get on well with the family.

Answer 1

I know how you feel. In my situation, it is my husband's mother. His family and mine are completely different. My MIL jumps right in the middle of the personal side of our relationship and always makes us feel like crap when we tell her to leave us alone. She's tried to get us to break up, and ever since I met my now husband, which we've been together for ten years and married for 5 1/2, she's tried to split us up in every way possible. Like your girlfriend, my husband doesn't "let go " of his mother. It's like the motherly ties are still there. I've told my hubby what my feelings are, and that I will tell her off the next time she tries anything. He tells me go ahead and do just that. You need to talk to your GF and let her know exactly how you feel and how you both need to confront the situation together. She has to understand your side. Make sure she knows that you understand that she loves her family and wants a good relationship with them, but her mom needs to be told by her that she has her own life to lead, and her mother just needs to be there in other ways where it doesn't involve telling her not to listen to you, or that you're too bossy, or anything like that. Basically, your GF needs to tell her mom that the two of you are happy together, and she just wants her mom to support her in whatever she decides. My mother still gives her opinions about things, but doesn't tell me nasty things about my hubby purposely. My family leaves my husband and I alone, which means they let us live our life together with our two kids, and helps out if I need it. They let us live and learn by our mistakes. It's a hard road, but it's life. Your MIL needs to leave you two alone. If your GF can't do that, then I think you need to be on your merry little way, and find someone who can be there for you, and not put her family in front of you all the time. Let her realize the hard way that you are the one who supports her, and you're willing to help her in any way you can. Sorry this is so long, but I have had experience in this, and I'm still suffering. Good luck to you, and remember...don't let it ruin your relationship!

Answer 2

Regardless of the comments that were made here about your
relationship to your gf mother I can see that you are thinking of marriage as if you were not you would not be asking this question. So she might be your mother in law.

I think it is great that you support your gf by being considerate not to eat junk and discourage her. Her mother sounds very controlling. I have found that anything to do with my family I deal with them Anything with my husbands side he deals with them not me. Your gf lets her mom wind her all up. Being controlling and being supportive are two different things. It takes 2 to have an argument. So next time around before you jump on the defensive when your gf attacks you after being badgered by her mother, take a step back. Remember when this stems from. Be calm as ask your gf in a low tone voice to explain to you what you did that she is so upset at you. (you need to get her to realize how she sounds) If she says about the diet then just say. I do not eat ice cream and chips around you as I thought it would not only tempt you but I would like to eat healthier as well. I support you staying as you are now or 10 pds heavy. This is your choice not mine. I did take notice to the weight you lost and thought you would appreciate the compliment.

Like many mother in laws your's opens her mouth a little 2much but then again your gf tells her a little to much as well. This is why when she is away from them things are good. She needs to be handeled with care rather then boxing gloves. After a while she will see you are not the enemy and then you will argue less. It's up to you if you think that the relationship is worth the work. Good Luck

Answer 3

My mom used to be the same way. If I wore makeup, she would tell me to not to wear it...if I didn't wear makeup, she'd tell me I needed a little blush and lipstick. If I lost weight, she would tell me I was too skinny...if I gained weight she would make comments about me needing to lose weight. Everytime my husband and I would be around my mother, it did nothing but cause arguments between us. If I said I was going to do something my mom would come back with "You don't want to do that" or "what you really want to do is...". It got to the point where I told my mom that she had lived her life and made her choices and now it is time to let me live my life and make my own choices.

Answer 4

She isn't your mother-in-law if you are not married.

If you are "living together" without marriage, I can see how she would want to bust it up, because that is her daughter selling herself short to some bum. The girlfriend's mother does not want her daughter giving some guy the full benefits of a wife without herself having the legal benefits of a marriage.

Your choices are either to marry the girl and move yourselves away from that area, or move on and find another "girlfriend". Truth is, you don't just marry the girl, you marry into the girl's family.

Answer 5

There will come a day when your girlfriend will redefine the boundaries with her mother in a more positive way. In the meantime, you have to keep your mouth shut. Whenever you disagree with her mother, your girlfriend sees it as you attacking her mother, and no one would put up with their mom being treated that way. If you can't control your urge to comment, then let your girlfriend visit alone.

Answer 6

sure, If the relationship consisting of your fiance and her mom is extra ideal then her relationship with you.you're asking your fiance to love you along with her heart, her mom is saying do not enable the middle rule the top. you're asking her to surrender the only kinfolk she has prevalent,this is calling plenty. might you do this if your loved ones or mom concept she replaced into the incorrect man or woman for you.

Answer 7

well if no one is gonna change you'll have to accept that if your gonna be with her. Or just quit going to the in-laws, let your girlfriend go by herself.
If the girl friend truly loves you and what the in-laws say isn't true she'll see it for what it is. B.S. It sounds like you have a lot to con tinplate. Hope it works out.

Answer 8

You might be wanting to move on. Sad as this is, it could get worse if you marry her. I doubt you have the power to stop her mother. You say your girlfriend believes her family over you; so you are not getting the respect you deserve from your girlfriend. She is choosing her family over you I believe, no?

Answer 9

Find another girlfriend. Imagine having to deal with this day in and day out for the rest of your life. Nightmarish huh?