Is this abuse or neglect?

Question

I know of a lady who puts her kids down for naps at about 10 in the morning. Her oldest is 3.

Sometimes, they are in there until 3 in the afternoon because she says they can't come out until they sleep. They stay in their room all day and play with toys until they're tired enough to take a nap. I've thought about saying something to her, but I don't think it's my place. Should I? I hate to step on another parent's toes. The kids are otherwise well cared for and loved- it just seems like a lot of time shut up in their room.

She's a very young mother.

They get up at about 7. She gives them breakfast then they lay down. They don't eat again until five or six when they have dinner. The 3 year old is not potty trained. He just goes in his pants and often wets through. I know this because my sister used to live with her as a roommate.

Answer 1

Neglect definately. That's like 5 hours of no drinks or food not to mention pottying. That's mean. I'd definately say something.

Answer 2

She obviously is ignorant about children; forcing them to nap and forcing them to stay in their rooms for that long is terrible neglect and incredibly stupid, even for a young mother. Yes, definitely; tell her to let the kids play until 2-3 in the afternoon, then they really will be tired, but at no time should kids ever be in their rooms more than one hour for a nap whether they sleep or not. Some people just weren't cut out to be parents!

Answer 3

I don't know what age has to do with it (I know 40 - somethings who are terrible parents), but this doesn't sound right. You can't force a child to sleep! It sounds like she's just lazy and looking for an excuse to get the kids out of her hair. I think you should bring it up gently. Say something along the lines of, "You know, I read that sometimes kids this age give up naps, and putting them down for a nap when they won't sleep won't do any good. Has your pediatrician said anything about this?"
Some parents have different beliefs than others, but I agree that a child needs to be doing more than lying awake in bed for 5 hours.

Answer 4

I used to work at a day care and it all depends on how much they have had to do before th 10 o clock nap time. What tme they woke up all that but I am sure that you don't know. Although she is trying to show who is in charge it is also her responsibilty to lay down with the childrenand try to get them to sleep. Play nap time music, put one to sleep before the other so that even if the 3 yr old does not nap she only has one child. Its both abuse and neglect because with them being shut up in a room without food, water and the potty she will definately get in trouble if anyone says anything at all. I don't agree with what Heavenly Creature and Kentuky have to say. You can not just tell your children that they have to sleep if they are not tired. You tell them they need to have quiet time and just lay there. Its all part of growing up. I did it when I had my own daycare business but if they were not tired they would lie there and would eventually fall asleep. Its training them to nap but there is a good way and bad way! Who knows if she is checking in on them at all. It is unresponsible that she just leaves them there. You can say something to her and help her out but if she takes it the wrong way you may lose her as a friend.

Answer 5

I would have to say that this would be considered neglect. What time do they get up in the morning? 10:00am seems too early, but I do know children that get up @ 6:30am that will take a name that early. As far as leaving them in the room all that time, is ridiculous. Although, your child needs a nap and sometimes you have to enforce that, you also have to adjust to your childs "natural" schedule a bit. My child never takes naps until 12:30 or so. If it gets to be 1 and she won't go to sleep, I'll make her go to her room for "quiet" time. During this time, she is not to play with toys, but lay in her be quietly. If she spends an hour or so during quiet time, and never gets to sleep, then she will come out. When she gets cranky when not having a nap, I will discuss that with her (she's 4 now), and tell her that is why it feels soooo good to nap, & that her body needs it. It sounds like this mother is not interested to participate in logic here. 5 hours in their room alone is neglect in my eyes.. for that matter.. when are they eating lunch? As far as telling her this, good luck, you may loose a friend. Us women don't take child care advice easily

Answer 6

I have three kids of my own, two are step children! I could never NEGLECT them like that! I also knew of a person like that! I can not stand people like this! What is she doing that instead of giving her children experiences with her and love for that mater that she leaves them like that for 5 hours a day! I mean WTF!........ I'm sorry, but this is not the way a parent should act! We have too many would be mothers and would be fathers that place there own selfish needs in front of there kids! Now, if she's trying to get them to take a nap and you don’t want to step on her toes maybe suggest taking them for a walk, do something to get them active and maybe, since it seems to bother you so help her through action. What I mean is ask her, hey I feel like a walk want to take the kids lets get them some fresh air or it’s close to Halloween... Let’s take these guys to a pumpkin patch; I'm sure they’d love the hay rides! I've been with my wife since I was 20. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I wish I could just have my kids take a nap and let me just relax, but the thing is, they are people with feeling's and emotions and no matter which ever way you cut it they will resent her for her inability to commit to them! Seriously what's up with that I'd like to know what’s is so important that the kids she decided to have, who had no choice in that mater, that are as innocent and it comes aren't important enough for a walk. Hell I work at least 50-60 hours a week, get my self up at 4:45 am to go to the gym while my wife and kids are sleeping so that when I get off work and there outta school I don't miss time with them! There is no excuse for crappy parenting! NONE!
Tell your friend, the lady I knew was my own mother! I haven’t and will not speak with her ever again! She makes great money and all that jazz, hell even remarried and had another child, a girl she takes care of her! I tried to get to know my mother better, figured I’d make the first move, yeah it didn’t go so well! Let’s just say she doesn’t understand why I won’t bring my daughter around because I guess her smoking pot should be ok with me! My daughter loves her and again can’t give up her own personal BS for anyone or anything! Nor does she respect my decisions as a Man / father! My kids love me and my wife and never have I made them to feel alienated because there not biologically mine. Step on her toes and bring her to reality! Before she has kids taken away for something stupid! Yeah it happens!

Answer 7

i put my 3yr old down for a nap after lunch and he never sleeps but i tell him he has to have quiet time, even if he doesn't sleep. He usually looks at his books or plays with his toys but he stays quietly in his room(never longer that 1.5hrs). Your friend probably just wants the kids out of her hair for whatever reason. IF the children had enough physical activity in the morning after they woke up they would have no problems having a nap at 10am. Don't report her talk to her and ask her why she feels the kids NEED a nap at 10am if they aren't tired.

Answer 8

I would think it was wrong. It is obviously not helping or the child would have gone to sleep. 10 in the morning is pretty early to lay down a three year old (I guess it depends on when the child gets up). I would def. bring it up. Maybe she needs a little guidance. I know I have a hard time trying to lay down my 3 and 4 year old. I think at that age, as long as they are laying down and resting for a couple of hours, it is ok. I know if I lay down my little girl with a movie, she is asleep within 15 mintues. Good luck.

Answer 9

How old are the other children if the oldest is 3? It's really not safe to leave kids that young unsupervised for that long. It is very much neglect on her part. Most states allow you to anonymously report someone to the Child Services Dept. (the names of each dept. vary by state).
Don't get me wrong, encouraging independent play is a good thing. So is encouraging naps. But 5 hours is way too long for any child to be shut in their room.
My advice is to make a call to child services. She may genuinely not realize it's a problem. Someone needs to help her get realistic age-appropriate expectations of her children.

Answer 10

You don't say how old the mother is -- she may not know any better than to shut in her children, or they may get up really early and she feels they are ready for a nap by 10 a.m. Make friends with her and get the whole scoop before reporting her.

Answer 11

I would definetley say something to her. Thats 5 hours where the kids are not getting food, water, clean diapers and mommys love. So they basically only get 2 meals a day? Breakfast and dinner only? My toddler is hungry all day. The pediatrician told us to let her snack all day. Thats not enough food. Five hours with dirty diapers...That is neglect!