Why do women believe having children is the pinnacle of their lives?

Question

I have noticed many, many women stating that carrying/having a baby is the greatest thing about being a woman. Many women act as if having a baby is the greatest accomplishment in their lives.

Why is this? There are many satisfied, successful women who are childless. If you did not have children, then what would be the biggest achievement of your lives?

Sarah, sweetheart, I don't have the goals other women do; I couldn't care less. I simply do NOT believe having children should be the epitome of femininity. Brood mares birth foals all the time; none of them have been president yet though.

*sigh* How is having a baby "improving the world"? Very few people go on to do truly great things....for all you know your child might end up on welfare, doing meth, or being a murdered. Your child is more likely to end up being a statistic than president; that is simply a matter of reality.

Childless, childfree, pick your term. I am an educated adult and I will employ any term I wish. Next time you take a stand, make sure you have a point.

Answer 1

Every species reproduces somehow. Mitosis happens. This does not require talent. Somehow I'm sure there is a neurochemical reason behind the emotions involved regarding the perceived need to become pregnant, just as the feeling of love evolved as a neurochemical safeguard to ensure reproduction and continuation of our species.

However, people who realize this tend to raise more responsible children and therefore contribute to the world. I am a thirty three year old woman who has a fabulous career and no interest in reproducing. I also have fantastic friends who are productive and educated and have great kids (in small numbers, no large families).

Reproduction isn't really special. It's the social responsibility passed on to the product of the reproductive act that counts. People who see beyond their own genetic urges and avoid contributing to an already large population deserve respect.

Answer 2

I suppose the biggest achievement of my life so far (after raising my kids) would be a happy marriage, despite having a disabled child. 80% of parents with special needs kids divorce, and we've been going strong for 7 years so far.

It is not "having a baby" or "having a wedding" that is an accomplishment. It is RAISING a child or LIVING a happy marriage that someone could rightly be proud of. It is just not comparable to career goals, sorry. When I switch careers, after my children are older, I'll let you know what my third biggest success in life is. :-) I'm only 27, so I've got some time to impress you lot that think pursuing money is impressive.

Any woman can have a job, or be "independant" in this day and age. Not every woman can manage a stable household and give her kids a good life. There are many different gifts that a person can offer the world, and not all of them are paid in money.

Answer 3

i do not plan to have children. if anything, i will foster or adopt later in life. i have no urge to carry a child whatsoever. of course, there may be some sort of biological urge for some women--carrying on the species and so forth. the problem is see is not that some women want children--because, many do, and that is fine--but what i find is that some women that aren't particularly motivated to have children are pressured to do so by society, and made to feel as if a life without children is a sad, empty one. it's only been recently that the media and the world has accepted that Oprah is happy without children--and is happy she never had them. nowadays, in a world where overpopulation is a problem and there won't be enough room for all of us in a hundred years--the choice not to have children is not only okay, it can even be looked upon as a very wise choice. there is much to see, feel, and experience in the world--there is more to life than having babies.

the biggest achievement of my life, if i never have children, will be to have a novel published! (i'm hoping this actually happens!) also, having successful, loving relationships with the people in my life tops the list. love, of anything, is a success, i think! we are here to love!

Answer 4

There are a few times that Fireball and I agree. You are right, the two are at the extremes. But if you don't know what modesty is, that means the religious systems have failed in their training. The extremists will then make Demands that result in complete covering, since their system failed. And on the other end, the "bare everything" is also a failure of the religious systems (especially Christendom) to teach the same sense of modesty. So, sadly for women, it is the failure of both systems, and one would lock their women in caves, and other would have them naked on the streets.

Answer 5

I think many women have been brainwashed to believe their highest goal in life is to have children--that it is the end-all and be-all of their happiness. But having children, especially if you don't want them or are ambivalent about it, will probably exacerbate your problems. I do suspect there's some anti-feminist backlash in convincing women their greatest value is in having and caring for children.

There are still cultures that value women by how many children they can have (and men by how many children they can father), never mind if they can't take care of them. The accomplishment should only be considered once the child becomes a productive member of society and not a moment before. Anyone can have a baby, but it's far harder to raise that child, and it's a task I've chosen not to take on.

And the preferred term for those who choose not to have children is "childfree."

Answer 6

I Have noticed these are women (no offense if this is you) who are stay at home wives who tend to base their life around their children. The kind of women who will cancel her anniversary plans because her 17 year old son cough a cold and she has to stay with him (actually know someone who did that). She has said before her children are her greatest accomplishments.

I think it's more that they choose a family path and that's what they have to show for that.

Maybe it's because I was raised different or because I am childless but that seems like it's gone to far. My biggest achievement so far is my Independence. I have a career that I earned on my own merits. Own a condo so some manager can't just kick me out. Have a car so there's mobility between the both and what ever else I want to do.

Answer 7

I am choosing not to have children so I can use my energy for my career. I do believe that women can integrate the two, but I don't want children either way, so there's no point in it for me.

Almost any woman can have a baby. It takes some differentiation to have an impact on the world.

Answer 8

I've got news for you, many fathers feel their children are their greatest accomplishment in life too. To my husband and I, there's nothing better and no greater contribution to the world than shaping the life of another human being. We both have degrees. We both have achieved a lot professionally. For me, none of that quite compares to the experience of raising children.

That's just how some people feel. Nobody says you must agree. If you find something else about womanhood to be more fulfilling, then own that and enjoy it. You shouldn't need other women to have the same goal as you do.

Answer 9

Because some women still have it drilled into them that they have to have kids, and if they don't have kids their significant other will cheat on them and possibly leave them for someone who will have kids.

I think because as of yet the only way for a baby to be carried to term and born is if a woman does the carrying. I do feel sorry for women who feel that having a husband and having children is what defines their worth, but women who feel that having children is the ultimate thing a woman can do, I just have to respectfully disagree.

Women who choose to have careers instead of children, when they are perceived as a professional in that field or have even done something to alter how things/tasks are done or perceived in said field, that would probably be their pinnacle.

Answer 10

Well I can only speak for myself here. but with me having grown up in a abusive household. and watching my own life going down hill fast and not having much to look forward to but MORE abuse. my life was over then. I hated life.

Then i had my Daughter and believe me when i say that is MY greatest accomplishment. i have someone who needs me. someone who LOVES me no matter what. someone who when i have the worse day at work and I am so tired when i go pick my Daughter up at the Baby sitter and she sees me and runs to me and says "mommy mommy' and hugs my legs and i pick her up and she gives me a huge hug all the worry everything is better then. I finally have the love I always wanted.

What would my biggest achievement be without my daughter? i guess that i would still be alive. my life would not be as great as it now.

I respect Women who do not have Children. If they are happy then great but for me. my daughter is my life. and after my childhood of abuse that is something. the cycle of abuse has stopped with me. I guess i didn't do very well in trying to explain why i think having my baby was so great. but it just is. God Bless

P.S. I know a LOT of Fathers who feel the same way about their Children. just wanted to add that.