We are planning an attending a wedding in two weeks of a friend at work who is planning on renewing his vows with his wife. He called me over the weekend at home and asked if it would be OK if our daughter who is 21, could be sat away from us at another table because the tables only take 8 people each and that she would be an odd number.
He is REALLY cheap and I don't think he is very into this wedding and is doing it for his wife. I think he is trying to squeeze as many people as possible into these table so he doesn't have to rent an extra one.
Anyway, I felt a little hurt and felt this was really tacky to call and ask us to have our daughter sit away from us. Now we are thinking of not going. We don't see him outside of work anyway and I do think we were invited because we asked them to ours in Scotland last year (they did not attend).
Would you have been offended?
2007-10-08 05:05:56 · 20 answers · asked by Blondana 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
BTW - There are no other young people coming. No other co-workers. The rest is all family and close friends. Most are over 70 years old.
2007-10-08 05:18:46 · update #1
Yes, I would be immensely offended. It's very bad form to ask family members to sit apart from each other at formal events. If someone invited my parents to a formal (or even informal) function but asked if I could sit separately from my parents, my parents would decline to attend. I would do the same if someone tried to separate me from a loved one as well. It's just not polite.
2007-10-08 05:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by Avie 7 · 7⤊ 4⤋
I can see where that would be a little annoying. It would have been much worse to just show up to the wedding and find that you all weren't seated together- at least he called. I assume she isn't bringing anyone wither her (like a date) so she is a 'single guest' I think that when people try to plan weddings/parties where guests are seated, they try to sit couples together. Maybe he sat her at a table with other single twenty-somethings....did you ask? I would just take it as him trying to keep couples together at the tables. But I don't see how that is him being cheap. If he were being cheap and not wanting to rent another table, then he would squeeze her in as person #9 at your table. People usually only remained seated at assigned tables during the meal anyways. Once the eating is over people start mingling and dancing anyways. Where you are seated shouldn't matter enough to not go. If it does, then maybe you shouldn't go.
2016-05-18 23:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would be very offended.
I noticed a couple of answers mentioned your daughter being 21, I guess to say she's a big girl and can fend for herself. Being 21 myself, I can say without a doubt that I'd much rather sit with my parents. Especially seeing as how your daughter probably doesn't even know these people! Personally, if I were your daughter, I'd tell you and "Dad" to have fun without me to be perfectly honest.
Also, wedding etiquette goes that you sit families with families. Not age group with age group. This co-worker is either not very good at division if he can't figure out a way to seat your family together, or (as you said) too cheap to simply get a couple more tables.
If I were in your situation, I'd probably make up an excuse and simply not go. Especially since you don't know this person on a personal level ("We don't see him outside of work anyway").
Good luck!
2007-10-08 05:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think it was kind of rude to call someone and say "Hey yeah about you daughter...can she not sit with us". You said that you guys don't speak outside of work, do speak alot at work? Also you stated that you guys invited your co-worker to your wedding in Scotland-were you paying the expenses for their travel. If so, then I do not see it being a big deal if you do not attend since they didn't attend your wedding.
However, maybe they are trying to save money. Its not a bad thing if they are. Maybe you co-worker has other expenses and they're trying to budget well. So if you feel strongly about not going don't go. Whatever you feel strongly about choose that decision. Good luck and take care.
2007-10-08 05:19:52 · answer #4 · answered by Beautifully Disigned 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think "protecting" your 21 year old ADULT daughter like this is ridiculous, but if you feel she can't deal with sitting with potentially new friends for the hour or so of a dinner, I suppose you could get her a baby sitter and let her stay home; or everyone stay home. Yes, I think you are being petty and silly about this. There are far more important things in the world to be upset about and "offended". Lord love a duck, as my mama would have said.
And to be quite frank, for assigned seating at a more or less formal affair, husbands and wives should not even be seated next to each other. This allows for conversations and people of common interests to be seated together.
2007-10-11 23:49:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your daughter is 21, it wouldnt hurt her to sit with another group of people. I've been to weddings in the past where the seating arrangements were based on the older family members sitting together and the younger ones sitting at another table.
2007-10-08 05:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's kinda bad for asking a girl which is 21 sit away from her family when attending a wedding.
2007-10-08 05:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by lacus100 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have answered your own question.
You believe he is cheap, acting tacky, you are hurt re: daughter, she will probably not know anyone she will be seated with, he is not a close friend and you are already thinking of not going.
You don't want to go therefore don't as you won't enjoy being there.
Call and just tell him that you and family are unable to attend. No excuses necessary.
2007-10-08 06:21:16 · answer #8 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would have been offended and very tempted to "offer" not to come if it was going to be such a pain in the butt.
Furthermore, my guess would be your daughter was only going to be nice to YOU, not to him, so she wouldn't care if she didn't go at all.
If you feel you must all three go, I would suggest to your co-worker that he put you or your husband at another table with some co-workers since you would be way more comfortable and then your daughter can say with a parent.
2007-10-08 05:16:20 · answer #9 · answered by Delicious Pear 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I personally would not be offended by this request, as your daughter is an adult. If she were a child, say under 17 or so, I would perhaps be put out, but at 21? No. If he were truly uncaring (in my mind), he would have just seated her at another table and not even notified you.
2007-10-08 05:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would absolutely stick up for your daughter and not attend the wedding. These people are being cheap, tacky, offensive and classless. I would not attend and if asked why I would certainly state that you thank them for their kind invitation; however, you feel that family should sit together at special celebrations.
2007-10-08 07:17:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋