We are planning an attending a wedding in two weeks of a friend at work who is planning on renewing his vows with his wife. He called me over the weekend at home and asked if it would be OK if our daughter who is 21, could be sat away from us at another table because the tables only take 8 people each and that she would be an odd number.
He is REALLY cheap and I don't think he is very into this wedding and is doing it for his wife. I think he is trying to squeeze as many people as possible into these table so he doesn't have to rent an extra one.
Anyway, I felt a little hurt and felt this was really tacky to call and ask us to have our daughter sit away from us. Now we are thinking of not going. We don't see him outside of work anyway and I do think we were invited because we asked them to ours in Scotland last year (they did not attend).
Would you have been offended?
2007-10-08 05:05:46 · 21 answers · asked by Blondana 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would not go just on basis that they are not wanting your daughter with you. They are not thinking about your daughter and what she might be comfortable with. Being with "strangers" may make her feel uncomfortable and uneasy, while being with you she will be better. I would RSVP with a NO and kindly say that we cannot attend but congradulations.
2007-10-08 05:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by livinlife 3 · 1⤊ 10⤋
I can see where that would be a little annoying. It would have been much worse to just show up to the wedding and find that you all weren't seated together- at least he called. I assume she isn't bringing anyone wither her (like a date) so she is a 'single guest' I think that when people try to plan weddings/parties where guests are seated, they try to sit couples together. Maybe he sat her at a table with other single twenty-somethings....did you ask? I would just take it as him trying to keep couples together at the tables. But I don't see how that is him being cheap. If he were being cheap and not wanting to rent another table, then he would squeeze her in as person #9 at your table.
People usually only remained seated at assigned tables during the meal anyways. Once the eating is over people start mingling and dancing anyways.
Where you are seated shouldn't matter enough to not go. If it does, then maybe you shouldn't go.
2007-10-08 12:25:07 · answer #2 · answered by Amy P 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Logistics at a wedding can be a huge pain in the ***, your daughter is 21 and should be more than able to be at one of the "singles" table and might even have more fun because of it. I am sure you remember what a pain it was to plan all of this when you did it, while this may not have been the problems you ran into, I am sure you ran into more than enough of your own to sympathize with what they are coordinating.
So no I wouldn't be offended myself, as for whether or not you should go. It seems to me like you are looking for a reason not to go, and if you are, then I wouldn't use this as the reason as you might end up looking a little petty IMO. If your daughter was younger I could see your point, but at 21 while I could see why you would prefer to be with her (especially if you don't know many of the other people) I don't think it is that far out of line to request it.
Hope that helps :)
2007-10-08 12:23:30 · answer #3 · answered by J in SC 1 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Now, let me just say that I think renewing wedding vows is honestly one of the silliest and most vain things ever. They don't have an expiration date!
Ok, so now that is out of the way...
There is no way that you should be offended. He did everything right.
Weddings are difficult enough, trying to make sure you make everyone happy and don't slight anyone. For you to be insulted by this is so trivial, it seems as though you are just looking for a reason to get out of it! Tacky? At least he called and asked! He could have just decided and not even checked-in!
Generally, at weddings, there are tables of six or eight, that is just how it goes. If you and your husband are a couple you two will fit nicely at a table with three other couples. Assuredly, there is a singles table, as there is at most weddings, and that is where you daughter belongs! Should he rent an extra table, extra linens and place settings, and order another centerpiece just so you can sit next to your daughter who (by now) should be able to cut her own stake or chicken without being a risk to herself or others...??
That's just silly.
She is 21 years old. If she doesn't want to be sat at the singles table, or doesn't want to be anywhere but next to you, she doesn't even have to go!
He was being gracious by inviting you, now be a gracious guest. If you don't go, it will make things uncomfortable at work for a ridiculous reason.
2007-10-08 12:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? I'm wondering why you are bringing your 21 year old daughter to begin with, or why you asked him to your Scotland wedding if if you really don't know him all that overly well to begin with (or talk to him) outside of work anyway.
Yes, it's a little annoying to have to sit away from your daughter, but if it bothers you why don't you ask if there is another table that the three of you can be seated at together? Is there a reason that your daughter has to sit with you or come with you? (Is she physically or mentally handicapped & unable to be by herself?) If not, then why not just go without your daughter? It's probably likely that she isn't that overly familiar with this guy anyway & would probably prefer to stay home. He should try to put families together, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way due to space & money constraints.
Also, just remember that this is *his* wedding, not yours. It doesn't matter how cheap you think he is being or how cheap he actually is- he's footing the bill for this, not you. If you don't want to go, a nice card will serve just as well.
2007-10-08 12:15:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 1⤋
Try not to be offended by his actions, he is probably incredibly stressed with the daunting task of assigning tables for everyone. Most likely they are seating the young adults at the same table and no one thought about the fact your daughter would probably rather sit with her parents then people her age she doesn't know. Go ahead and agree with his request, then have your daughter pull up a chair at your table if she wants. No one will care.
If the RSVP date was a while ago it would be incredibly rude to call and cancel. Couples have to provide their caterer with a guest count by a certain date and they may have to end up paying for the three of you regardless of whether or not you go.
Yes, it seems inconsiderate of him, but try to remember the stress of planning your own wedding and realize he's going to make some mistakes in the planning of his.
2007-10-08 18:58:36 · answer #6 · answered by iheartbayley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your daughter going if shes an adult? Wouldnt she have more fun sitting at another table with people her own age, instead of her parents? No offense. I just dont see why your daughter needs to sit with you. The tables hold 8. What do you not understand about that? Shell probably be at another table with singles, and youll be at a table of 4 couples.
2007-10-08 13:07:10 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I say ask your daughter... anyone who is currently planning a wedding understand how frustrating it is to have some empty tables and some wiht extra chairs. I think it was poilte of him to call and ask if you minded (thats not a real word). If it really bothers you, say that you would rather sit together. If he didnt care if you said yes or no, it just would have been arranged like that without him asking if it was ok.
I think if your daughter doenst have a problem with it, than be accomidating and let her sit elsewhere.
This isnt that big a thing. I dont think you should not go because someone is trying to maximize their effeicency of a situation. No..i would not be offended.
2007-10-08 12:15:39 · answer #8 · answered by loki_only1 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Don't be ridiculous. So you don't get to sit with your 21 y.o daughter? So what? She will probably enjoy being with other people her own age. It's not at all tacky. It's their wedding, guests have to do what the couple wants. If you don't like it, don't go but I think it is petty on your part to not go because of this! No I would not be offended. If he is only a work-mate, why is your daughter invited anyway?
2007-10-09 00:41:07 · answer #9 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why in the world would this POSSIBLY offend you? He was kind enough to ASK you if your ADULT daughter could sit at another table...probably a table of people HER AGE, possibly also SINGLE.
I would NOT have been offended as your work friend didn't even have to invite your daughter in the first place.
2007-10-08 13:04:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think its real silly to think about not attending because you can't sit beside your daughter, who is an adult. Why is your daughter going anyway? She's 21.
Its not like you are going to be at your tables ALL the time.
I would not have been offended.
2007-10-08 13:27:04 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋