My Significant Other wants to join the Military, please help?

Question

We have been going strong for almost four years now, and have two beautiful children together. The chidren are young, two year old and seven month old. We live away from most family, only his Father is close. I truly believe he was made for this path in life, going and getting Military training would complete his character. I, however selfish this may sound, was not. I feel that the Military life will put a great burden on us as a whole. The lengthy time away will definitely be hard. Not because my temptations will be so great to cheat, but because I will feel like a Single Parent with responsibilities very high and overwhelming. Of course I can adjust and strive to make it work, but it will be the greatest loss if something were to happen to him. I have lost my Mother, a wonderful soul.... I could not picture this world without him in it. Please give light. The Marine Recruiter will be here in a matter of days to see what we have decided to do.

Answer 1

Tell him if he decides to go, he better send home money. He's still financially responsible for the kids.

Answer 2

If you two have kids, then you two need to get married before he ships off to boot camp.
A wife will have access to benefits like health insurance and other forms of support that a "common law wife" cannot collect. You need that marriage certificate to collect on the death benefit, too, and you have to be ready to do precisely that.
Living among other military families can also put you within a support network of other families.

Why the Marines? Can't he join the Air Force or Navy and be able to serve without being on the ground and getting shot at? He can gain all the training and discipline from them just as much as from the Marines, without the butt-head "killing machine" programming number, and without being on the front lines in a never-ending series of conflicts.

The truth of military life is that soldiers will be put in harm's way, and in this day and time, the government is taking every step to make sure the soldiers do not live long enough to collect on the GI Bill. Forget about the 3,000 soldiers that have died in direct conflict in the current Iraq War... there are over 76,000 soldiers that have died after being removed from the battlefield... they are not counted among the war casualties. On top of that, the VA Administration has been denying benefits to the returning maimed and wounded.

Answer 3

USMC
2 tours in Viet Nam
Force Recon
POW
Afghanistan
Iraq

Patriotism is a subjective issue and I won't belabor it here.
Either you are or you are not.

Personally,
The only reason to join the military today is to either learn to grow up and take responsibility or to find a place for a free meal and a place to sleep.

A married man with two very small children really doesn't need any more training in responsibility or a place to eat and sleep.He needs a good job,a strong steady wife and a chance at making both work to the maximum of their collective abilities to support his family.

In my book family trumps patriotism.

Frankly,I'd say don't even think about holding back,Climb on the damn table and raise your skirt and scream at the top of your lungs NO!,if necessary.

For me my two tours in VN while in the USMC was the very worst time of my life.I regret it every second of every day of my life,and I was one of the very fortunate few who returned whole....so to speak.

IF only I could go back in time THAT is the thing I'd definitely change.

He's already enlisted in YOU ;and YOU and your children come first.

Many take to the guns for a job because the economy is so damn bad.If that's his excuse don't buy it.

Single man go because they crave the adventure.I did.

I've been where he's going.I was in the mid east in a civilian capacity as an adviser and was paid bookoo bucks to be there,and I couldn't wait for the plane out of that filth hole.

If he goes,he'll never return.Not the same guy who left.That's a fact.You'll have to live the rest of your life with a stranger.

Use every weapon in you considerable aray of female capabilities to STOP this from taking place.I can literally guarantee you will not regret that decision.

Answer 4

My dad was in the USAF for 24 years. It led my parents to divorce because my mother couldn't take being away from her family any longer. If you are already away from your family, the change will still be a big one, but not quite as hard. You have to be strong and stand by your husband. (if you are not already married, I would strongly suggest it, so that you can go with him and get the benefits) Many many risk come with being in the military, but also a lot of good comes from it. My dad retired at a high rank and now works for the FBI. The military can surely secure your family's future. With this war going on, it is hard to join right now for many people, so I give your man props for wanting to be apart of it, especially as a Marine. Marines are tough and are trained to be tough. I do understand all of your worry, and it is so hard moving your family around every couple of years. But in the end, if you all are strong enough, it will def. pay off. A Military family has everything in the world to be proud of, and if you survive through it, you are only that much stronger, and you have that much more to be proud of.

Answer 5

Now you ask me a question that is the most difficult to answer. I feel your pain far away and It really touches my heart and soul. I have to be honest with you here. If I am you I will say No to his call of duty unless you have high hope for this war. Not many will survive this duty and I see many women go to hell for their pride and dignity. You are alone in this matter and being by yourself without any support then what? Anything can go wrong in the war zone and believe me you are alone and no one around even your family near by. Do you want to sit there without a man in your life day and night for how long? What about 2 kids that you have to take care as well as looking for extra money to feed them? What about something happens to him as such his injury that will put him in bed the rest of his life? Who will care for him? I am hearing negative stories about VA hospitals. Well I am sorry to spill my negative thought to you. Ask the Marine recruiters to find single men who want to serve and die for these 2 wars. I love my country but, I will serve if I know it is the right cost for the wars not for oil and the rich corporations who benefit from these war games. Think over and look into a big picture and your future that you can vision at this moment. The truth is hurting and it is about time you need to make a decision and judgment base on Fact and Current event.

Answer 6

It is extremely hard to keep a family together in the military especially just starting out. He needs to realize what is more important to him Military or Family. Joining the Marines might be his first mistake. Deployments can last up to 1-2 years despite the *** load of crap the recruiter tells you. Marines= death and long time away from home (most cases). If he has to join a service tell him to go Airforce or Navy.....better quality of living, better duty stations, your not treated like a tool.

Answer 7

Support him and be strong. You can handle the burden that so many American military families have had to handle while their loved ones are away. The burden may be a blessing for you in disguise. If you do not support him, I wonder if he would always have that in the back of his mind, the longing to join one of the most elite of the armed forces. Bravely show him your support. After basic training, you will have lots of contact with him and may not have to be separated all that much, but can live on base with him. If he is sent overseas, you can have internet contact daily and that eases much. You can do this. Don't hold him back. Good luck!

Answer 8

A "matter of days" may not be enuf for your decision-making time...your S/O needs to read more about the incompetent leadership, double-dealing profiteering that has made Iraq and Afghanistan literally gobble up the lives of our finest people--for nothing but megalomania on the part of the president and his henchmen. Why shouldn't your S/O wait until after the next election to get his military career in gear? Right now, he's cannon-fodder for the demented agenda of the Decider... You need him home until the kids are older and his career choices are a lot clearer. Marine recruiters are the most seductive folks in the world...beautiful in their uniform, suave in their reassuring pitch, and dedicated to making your S/O a statistic for their next stripe. Don't get sucked in, sister!

Answer 9

Yes Military life is difficult. And hard on you with two small children.

If you try to prevent him from taking this step he will always wonder what he could have accomplished if had taken that step.

I would advise you if you are not now married, you do need to take that step so that you can receive benefits as a Military Wife.

Also realize that if you reach out to other Military wives you will have a bult support group.

Good Luck

Answer 10

I realize the sacrifice you will be making being a "single" parent. I also shutter and "puddle up" to the thought of my husband dieing. It can happen whether or not he is in the military or just at his job, he will go when it is his time. I understand wanting to keep him close to you and how you will have sleepless nights without him. You need to talk to him. If he still chooses to go in to the military then you should support it (I know it will be hard). He too, will be sacrificing things. For instance, leaving his family, sleepless nights, however, he will be doing this country a great honor of fighting for our freedom. Put it all on the table before he signs. Just be there for his support, obviously something his pulling at him and calling him to do this.

Answer 11

Why the marines? Join the Air Force because it is a lot safer. Are you married to your significant other? If not, get married. You would be eligible to receive the benefits of a military spouse. The military does not recognized living together arrangements. You could have access to all military bases and receive free health insurance for you and your children.